I'm Barry, AMA

[JesusInTheCabbageVan]

Hi there girls (or should I say ladies, I know how 'PC' you lot are).

I hear you have some questions for me? Well go ahead, I won't bite - unless you want me to, of course

Link here

Raining excellent work. You are clearly a lady of many talents. Would you do me the very great honour of being the next Mrs Barry, when the first one dies?

Sorry to the rest of you, but twerking and nipple tassels - I'm only human.

Raining, can I come on the hen night?

Pleeeeeeeeeeeeease.

I never meant all those things I said to MNHQ about you, honest. And I've got a selection of tasteful outfits and chocolate willies. You'll have to supply the tassles, obvs.
🎶 "Girls just wanna have fu-unnn!"

(Umm, Barry?
Do you need a hand getting up?
It's just that you've been down there a while now...)

BARRY!!!!!!!. WTAF??????

I'm a happily married woman, here for your advice and guidance and ONLY your advice and guidance.

I have reported you and this disgusting thread to MNHQ for harressment

LaMars I have pm'd you my address. No hen night, but happy to go out for cocktails and pole dancing lessons.

Barry, can dogs look up?

Barry, why does my husband re-stack the dishwasher EVERY BLOODY TIME after I've already done it perfectly well? (Thanks for explaining the backstop by the way)

LaMarschallin oooof no thank you love, I'm absolutely grand

Raining spirited, hah! I'll take that as a yes then. Mrs Barry's 66 so she's got a few years in her yet. In the meantime, keep up the twerking and maybe see if you can do something about that little bit of a tum, there's a good girl. A bit of ballast is good on a man - shows character - but on a lady it implies she's too self-absorbed to care what men think.

Starlings dear oh dear, just goes to prove that you ladies are not good at retaining information, bless you. May I refer you to my post at 9.19am on 17 August...and no, they still can't! It will take them a lot longer than a couple of weeks to evolve to the point where they no longer need the bony 'top neck'.

moomin Ah, now men (as we discussed) have logical, 'organised' brains. You will have been stacking the dishwasher according to what looks pretty - similar colours grouped together, flowery patterned items balanced on top, that kind of thing. When your husband looks in there, he sees chaos! So he is merely trying to show you how it should be done to ensure efficient cleaning. Next time, make him a nice drink to show your appreciation and watch carefully what he's doing. Don't be afraid to ask questions, though you should avoid distracting him with irrelevant chatter. Take notes if you like!

Smell it all happened while I wasn't looking, but I can only assume jealousy and sexual tension got the better of a few of the ladies. Luckily MN has a man on their staff to maintain discipline, and he was able to restore order!

A bit of ballast is good on a man - shows character - but on a lady it implies she's too self-absorbed to care what men think.

So true. The wake up call I needed...

**

Not so fast there, Raining, me old mate, me old mucker (and let no one call you a right trollop. Or a tart. Or a total pushover.... Anyway. Those Other People - whoever they might be - would be wrong).

This could put the kibosh on all the pre hen nights. Pints of snakebite aren't low on the old calories.

Have you considered corsets? Basques? To nip in your (already) divine figure? I've seen a few in Ann Summers Victoria's Secrets that could intrigue Barry.

HTH.

(I have no idea why I slipped briefly into mock Eastenders language there. I may be light-headed from the effort of learning to twerk.
It's going badly, if you must know 🙁)

Send a video to Barry. He's been pm'ing me a whole load of suggestions about how I could improve my technique and getting me to video it and send to him. I hadn't thought some of what he says is what twerking is, but he assures me it is.

He really is a selfless, helpful chap!

Actually, if any MNer wants to learn to twerk or just to improve your technique, there really is no better tutor than Barry.

You just have to video yourself and PM it to him. It can take him a few minutes to gather his thoughts and type up a reply after he's watched it, but he ALWAYS has suggestions for how to improve (although you have to keep videoing yourself and sending them to him).

One tip though (although Barry will probably tell you this himself), for various scientific reasons I don't properly understand, Barry needs you to be wearing nothing but a thong while you do it.
[He did explain the reason why, but I'm afraid even though I have 7 PHDs in science and lecture at a RG University in RL, I just couldn't understand why. After I'd asked him to clarify it for me for the 3rd time, he suggested I just give it a go. Well, it really works!!!!]

I'm obviously very bad at it, because he needs me to keep practising and keep sending him the videos. But I'm sure I'll improve eventually.

My thong was obstructing his view, so I had to remove it in order for him to do a proper assessment. He’s more or less a doctor though, with his experience, so it’s completely above board.

Hrmph good girls.

anybody there? at all? except barry; i wouldn't want him to see me like this.

it's just i took the twerking and videoing advice and i fell over and got stuck...

and now my thong is riding up to some quite extreme places while I'm down here.

on the positive side, it's an edible one so it might dissolve given time.

Oh, no. Is it made of those tiny sweets on elastic, like the necklaces you used to be able to buy from the paper shop when you were a kid? That must be murder to prise out of your nooks and crannies.

What does HTH mean?

Bit like that.

Wish I'd got the chocolate one now. I might have been able to roll over the to the electric log fire with extra genuine coal effect and melt it off.

I'd pictured Barry and me on the rug in front of that fire...

Sent some videos too
Not heard anything on Mumsnet Pm but have had a lot of people called Rhys and Dai contact me .
Must have sent it to the wrong address,

Hope that helps, @AnneKipanki.