I have a husband and we both have a girlfriend together AMA

[Soubriquet]

People seemed interested in this so I thought I would start a thread

We’ve all been together for 18 months now and parent our 2 children.

Initially in the beginning we had a bit of jealousy and such but now we all get along perfectly

I am bisexual which is why I’m happy being with both her and him

We will be intimate as a 3some or if one of us is not in the mood, the other two will be intimate

Dh sleeps in the same bed as gf as I can’t stand sharing a bed with anyone.

If he had to choose, who would be pick ? How would the other one feel ?

Nothing you have said makes it sound like your r’ship is the primary one. I am really concerned that you can’t see what is going on.

Poor kids

AMA’ was really your subconscious screaming ‘This isn’t right and I need to discuss it’

Totally agree with this. I know it’s bad form but I’ve had a red through your previous posts OP and you seem like an intelligent witty sort. I think this really is your subconscious reaching out because you’re unhappy.

Come back op?

This is one of those situations where I would love to hear the other side of the story... I'd be interested to know what the girlfriend and husband think, and how they see the future.

What is he future of this relationship, op?

Dd is in year 1 and has been to plenty of birthday parties. She is also a popular girl and I speak to a lot of the parents. They all know my circumstances

This is really unfair on your kids and entirely inappropriate.

Haha @Biologifemini there was a story in that literary tome take a break with a woman and two men.

Personally I'd love more wives, might be cheaper than a cleaner

Haha @Biologifemini there was a story in that literary tome take a break with a woman and two men.

Personally I'd love more wives, might be cheaper than a cleaner

OP are you genuinely ok with this situation?

Shit, that went a bit savage. Hope you're ok OP. It's AMA, not RMANO after all

Op clearly wasn’t a fan of being asked anything!

Come back OP, are you ok?

*SonicVersusGynaephobia

Two of them are out at work, together, all day, while the other (OP) is at home with her children.

Then they (DH and GF come home from work and go out to the outhouse together to smoke weed, while OP sits inside on her own.

Then they go to bed together to shag, while OP goes to a different room, to bed, alone.

But yeah, maybe everyone gets what they want out of this situation.*

I don’t think that this senario is a given. For all we know op loves being a stay at home mum and is bought lots of treats by husband and gf. Maybe on the 1st Saturday of the month husband and girlfriend have a smoke together, the 2nd op and husband go for a walk, 3rd op and gf go to book club and the 4th they get a babysitter and all help out at the local soup kitchen.

Op doesn’t want lots of sex or anyone in her bed, which isn’t that unusual.

There’s this automatic assumption that someone’s being abused because they’re a thruple but I can’t see why it’s an inherently abusive relationship structure.

* I think the point pp's were trying to make is that the dc know daddy and the other mother share a bed, and will eventually realise the significance of that, (they'll know they're shagging) and they'll eventually work out that if she's mum's gf too, they must also have sex/they'll wonder about threesomes. Or they could walk in on or hear them or the three of you at it, and have any suspicions confirmed. *

Yes but all children/ young adults will one day work out their parents have sex, it’s inevitable. Why is it okay for them to know their two parents are having sex and not okay for them to know that their two parents and gf are having sex?

I have teenage children who have peers who are LBTQ+++ and they don't turn a hair. They are completely chilled. They have lots of friends with divorced or single parents. This is their normal. I don't accept that kids can't cope with parents having a poly relationship.

I think associating this kind of set up with being gay or lesbian is utterly insulting.

LBTQ +++++ is that short hand for totally selfish.

children and sex don't mix. they don't need to know.

It was fun while it lasted. AMA has been shit for a while, why do they always disappear?

For all we know op loves being a stay at home mum and is bought lots of treats by husband and gf

Well that, right there is why it sounds inherently abusive. She doesn’t sound like an equal there, does she, more like an employee being given benefits along with a pat on the head.

I’ve dont think I’ve ever read a defence of a set up like this where the person doesn’t slip somewhere and reveal that actually they think one or all of the females are subservient.

Just place marking to catch up - I'll be back with questions!

So as she is mummy X, if you/your DH broke up with her, would she expect access to your children? Shared custody etc? Similarly if she had a baby with your husband and at some point left, would you expect access to her child (who presumably would also call you mum)?

Also, have you and your DH made an agreement that if one of you wants to break up with mummy X, the other one also backs that decision.
If not what happens if one of you wants to break up and the other doesn't!?

AMA is a really tedious topic - I really meant to mute it. I think it makes MN tacky, sorry @MNHQ.