I have a husband and we both have a girlfriend together AMA

[Soubriquet]

People seemed interested in this so I thought I would start a thread

We’ve all been together for 18 months now and parent our 2 children.

Initially in the beginning we had a bit of jealousy and such but now we all get along perfectly

I am bisexual which is why I’m happy being with both her and him

We will be intimate as a 3some or if one of us is not in the mood, the other two will be intimate

Dh sleeps in the same bed as gf as I can’t stand sharing a bed with anyone.

I completely agree Youbloody

Batteriesallgone

I agree with you that society makes it difficult to be a sahp and remain on equal terms with the rest of society. Where we differ is that I don’t think the solution is that everyone should work part time if that’s not what they want to do. You mention the patriarchy but a lot of what you follow that with is about economics not gender (granted the two are intertwined). It seems that your attitude doesn’t value the work and skill involved in being a sahp because it doesn’t earn money. Anyhow, it’s been interested hearing your perspective. I’m at sahp too and I thought what with the cost of living and childcare being a thruple might be a good solution (tho not for my happily married self).

If its not too unpleasant for you Youbloody could you say a bit more about what problems you are now encountering?

As I said up thread, I think it is a very selfish lifestyle.

Of course I value childcare and my own role.

Suggesting a role could be shared does not devalue it. Talk about old fashioned attitudes.

I would write more but it’s deviating too far from the thread already given that OP isn’t giving any more details.

I've had lots of therapy but I'd say growing up main issues were

-i was invited to friends but friends rarely came to ours as parents avoided us

• a distinct feeling of always being "different" - parents would say things like the OP did " nothing to be ashamed of" we are the ones who are better because we are open minded etc.. but I just desperatly wanted to be normal and have a home life like friends.

-felt very alone and hated the intrusive questions from friends, felt like a freak!

As I got older

• had no real understanding of how real relationships worked so was taken advantage of and found myself in emotionally abusive relationships early on

-unable to assert myself or put my needs first, I think this is because in order to make a poly family "work" it is basically constantly assuming you are at fault and need to learn to compromise and be more understanding /Not selfish- which is bullshit.

• exposed to sexual things too young because it seems what is appropriate is left by the wayside for embracing how "open" and "unashamed" parents were. So I sought sexual encounters way too young.

• during late teens/twenties I was unable to have sex with anyone I actually cared about, it was like a barrier/guard which meant I was either sleeping around or having failed relationships.

As an adult I'd say the need to feel normal is deeply ingrained.

My siblings and I have ALL gone no contact with parents permanently as we came to individually realise the impact of their selfishness. That includes the children conceived with girlfriend.

So they have no family now. Just their own selfish selves and fucked up relationships.

Have tried to remain factual!

Youbloodywhat,

Well done for sharing. I think details like yours will be more likely to make an impact on the OP rather than those of us with no direct experience.

OP - please could I PM you?

@Youbloodywhaat thanks for your posts they are really important in this kind of thread I think.

I usually try to be open minded but the OP in this case does sound like she's completely deluded. The vasectomy and reversal so soon together speak volumes, this is not a stable household and I feel so sad for the poor children.

Yep ginpink I hear you.

It's a strange set up and I think both you and gf are potentially very vulnerable but whatever floats your boat.

I think it's dreadful the children call her mummy though. And I would say the same if it was a "normal" relationship and a single mum got her children to call bf daddy after 18 months. Totally wrong in my opinion and way too soon. Actually I would consider it too soon for her to even be living with you. It seems you aren't one to take things slowly and consider the consequences based on the vasectomy though.

They don’t want a baby together, it would be our baby as in everyone.

It wouldn't, though, because there is no legal framework for this. Your DH would be the father and GF would be the mother; you would have no legal rights in relation to this baby.

For an AMA thread, there's not very many answers 🤔

*I’d be over the moon.

Why wouldn’t I be? It would be no different from a lesbian couple having a baby with one being pregnant*

If you really believe this then you are being very naive. It absolutely is different, it would be your husband’s and his second partners baby.

I hope you have some real life support for when this life you are all living implodes OP. And I hope your children are not eternally fucked up as a result of the three adults view of what is acceptable to expose them to.