I have a husband and we both have a girlfriend together AMA

[Soubriquet]

People seemed interested in this so I thought I would start a thread

We’ve all been together for 18 months now and parent our 2 children.

Initially in the beginning we had a bit of jealousy and such but now we all get along perfectly

I am bisexual which is why I’m happy being with both her and him

We will be intimate as a 3some or if one of us is not in the mood, the other two will be intimate

Dh sleeps in the same bed as gf as I can’t stand sharing a bed with anyone.

@PersonaNonGarter I think it should be renamed "I'm an attention seeker and I (insert whatever) AMA" It's really quite cringeable. Most of the thread starters can't handle the questions and just run off. I hope this OP is ok though as her situation is not healthy for anyone in that household.

Some AMA were interesting the McDonald’s one but I agree had its day. If op was really as confident she would be back answering.

Based on her disappearance I think it’s made up

**Batteriesallgone
Well that, right there is why it sounds inherently abusive. She doesn’t sound like an equal there, does she, more like an employee being given benefits along with a pat on the head.

I’ve dont think I’ve ever read a defence of a set up like this where the person doesn’t slip somewhere and reveal that actually they think one or all of the females are subservient.**

Okay so the word ‘treats’ made it sound like she was a dog, my bad. But if op’s material needs are generously met and she feels the work she is doing is worthwhile I don’t think it’s abusive. Some people chose to be sahp.

I am a SAHM. I still don’t like the way you are talking about it.

SAHP is a precarious position and often deteriorates into an abusive situation. I have read arguments that it is inherently abusive; I can see that, having been a SAHP for many years. What starts out respectful often slides. Our patriarchical society makes it very very difficult to navigate being a SAHP without it introducing horrendous power imbalances into the relationship.

When there is only two of you, you are conscious of the pitfalls and spend a lot of time trying to avoid them I think lots of relationships can survive the SAHP years without an irretrievable loss of respect / introduction of hierarchy into the relationship.

I struggle to see how you can achieve that with multiple people in the relationship. Especially with two earners and one non earner, the power imbalance there is so glaring, how can you work through it? And how do you find time for sufficient communication when you have small children in the house.

The obvious childcare solution when multiple adults are available is everyone working part time. Two adults can really struggle to make it work as lots of employers don’t like agreeing to two and a half days. But with three of you, you could all work three days and easily cover the childcare. And surely the household cost of one more adult isn’t too significant, so 3x three days wouldn’t be too much of a financial loss especially compared to the pre-girlfriend days (of one full time earner). Plus if girlfriend has a baby will she want to work full time while OP is at home with the child all week? The vast majority of parents I know (male and female) choose part time when its available and financially viable. There’s a reason for that.

Where these discussions haven’t been had, but a new girlfriend has just moved in and bungs a bit of money in the pot and kisses the children goodnight, it implies... Well personally I think it implies that either no one is thinking truly long term, or that the laid back lifestyle relies on someone taking on the mental load - no prizes for guessing who that probably is.

@batteriesallgone that makes a lot of sense

Not shocked by the poly relationship, but by the 27yr old having a vasectomy and then potentially a reversal, all before 30. How ridiculous.

You have children and should be thinking more sensibly and making well thought out decisions. If this huge decision was made so lightly, what other (silly) decisions are you making that have a big impact on the DC.

So disappointed with this thread! Ask me anything, and then disappears never to be heard of again when the responses don't validate her skewed vision of a free thinking free loving set up with happy well adjusted children at the centre. It just ain't happening.

I’m sorry but so much of this post is either false or exaggerated

Your husband is 27 and got a vasectomy on the nhs? I work for the nhs and I’ve never met a man who’s had one done that young. So you either went private, or he’s a one in a million. If On the odd chance you’re telling the truth then you are all a prime example why the nhs doesn’t usually do it to somebody so young

Secondly - I can’t believe how you’re so naive to the fact you’ve been squeezed out your marriage. The fact you’ve repeatedly used the words ‘genuinely’ and ‘honestly’ when telling us you don’t mind them sharing a bed etc speaks volumes. It’s almost like you’re trying to convince us you’re telling the truth

I think what’s happened here is your husband has taken a liking to the hot girl at work. The fact she is bi is like a dream come true to him. You went off sex. So they either began an affair before all this started or he took advantage of that fact to create the situation you’re all in now.

He goes to sleep at night with his arms around another woman.
18 months and your kids are calling her mummy?! What’s wrong with you?!

I’m opened minded but this is a disaster. You’ll end up hurt.

I Feel sorry for the kids

I’m all for ‘live and let live’
But oh my goodness.
Those poor children
This just sounds like a shag fest

Wow the world is getting worse.

@OrgyofSausages

For the third time ... Are you happy for them to see you all shagging each other? Yes, because the children watch them all in bed shagging...what you are suggesting is child abuse and repulsive. You may not agree with the op, but there is no need to create scenarios that do not happen.

I think your GF (as the only non-married partner) is in a very vulnerable situation, especially if she were to have a child with your husband. I think she she get legal advice about protecting herself and her child before she actually gets pregnant.

Does anyone else think this is deeply disturbing?

@Lovingbenidorm rotten and I wouldn't take it serious in a million years. Me and dh had a right laugh

iLoveFoood have I really been that stupid?
Oh dear, I’m obviously losing my touch!
Did feel a bit queasy though

No, I don't find it disturbing.

I find it different, and unusual but not disturbing.

What is disturbing is that many woman on here say it is abusive, that they are subjecting their kids to their shagging, that it's disgusting.

There are many different people in this world and we don't all want the same things. Just because you wouldn't do this, doesn't make it wrong. Have any of your seen Sister Wives? A man has four wives, and 18+ children, and they are all pretty well balanced because it is is the norm for them. The mothers introduce themselves as parents of those they haven't birthed, because they have had a huge part in raising them.

Most of the older kids have decided not to follow in their parents footsteps, and yes, the families have faced some battles. But it is not akin to child abuse, and no one sees any affection from the adults over and above a simple kiss.

OP, if you are still here...I knew how this would turn out before even reading the responses. For all the MN contains mostly forward thinking people, a lot do not like the breaks from what they perceive as the norm, so will many will never accept that the three of you can be happy. As long as you are all, that is all that matters.

Most who have asked questions/left judgemental responses have helped many a woman stuck in abusive relationships with controlling men and for some reason see this type of relationship as nothing but controlling.

Others, it is clear have not read your responses. Don't feel obliged to come back, because you will not change their minds. Just be happy, and when you are no longer happy, be strong enough to change it.

It’s nauseating.
I bet Mr Soubriguet is like a a pig in shite
It’s selfish, self indulgent, archaic, twisted and generally blurrrrghghg.
I really feel bad for those children

The pearl clutching and distaste in this thread is hilarious and so Mumsnet.

I don't have a question, but I just wanted to say I'm genuinely pleased and happy that you have this wonderful little family unit that's clearly been crafted with love. Some of the best and stable families I know have been formed through non conventional relationships. I think it's lovely.

I also agree with@stabulous and @differentnameforthis

Children should grow up understanding love, care and respect for others and it sounds like you have this. As long as you are all healthy and happy and it works I think it's lovely to see three adults who love each other and love their children.

I think you will face challenges both from within and outside - but what family doesn't! If you love each other and are as happy as you say you are then your family unit will be resilient enough to deal with these challenges.

Ignore the haters OP, and all of you be happy

Op. You’re being sold a huge pup here. Wake up

Disclaimer: I am very open. We have gay friends in our circle of friends (both male and female, some of them have adopted children who are really happy and well educated/taken care of).

However, this is too much for me. Maybe I could understand it if it was a balanced relationship but it's obviously not and the OP is being taken for a mug. Tbf I don't even see how it could be balanced, because psychology has shown many times how out of 2 people one is always the leader, imagine in a 3 people situation.

Also, he's 27, he had a vasectomy (why? And how did the NHS approve it?) and now he wants it reversed so he can have a child with each of the 2 women.

I'm not a psychologist but I really think the children will end up damaged in some way or at least with a distorted view on love. Sorry, I can't believe it myself how judgemental I'm being right now, but I can't help it.

Plus!!! i can't even imagine what the aftermath of a break up would be with so many children involved.

Weird, at best

If you do come back OP...

What legal protections do you have in place for all three of you? Such as who owns the house, next of kin, wills, pension arrangements, life insurance....?

Honestly if OP had given a straightforward answer to the ‘vulnerability’ questions I think people would be thinking differently.

Fact is, as soon as people started doing the sort of basic analysis that you ought to be continually doing as a SAHM (to avoid ending up taken advantage of) she scarpered.

Once you have kids, the boring questions of security, finances, all that sort of thing - it’s important.

It's the timescale here which is baffling me! So you and your dh had your first child when he was 21/22, then only months after your second child was born you were searching for a threesome partner, who pretty much immediately moved in and started calling herself mummy, then your dh went to get a vasectomy despite both you and your gf wanting more children, and now he's going to get it reversed?? It sounds exhausting and way too intense.

I grew up in a household like yours.

You are absolutely beyond deluded if you think this won't affect your children. They may not care now, because they are too young to know any different, but you have absolutely made a decision which will impact them for the rest of their lives and severely effect their childhood growing up and how others treat and perceive them, and how they feel.

Utterly utterly selfish. And your financial arrangement with GF is a whole other issue.

Do your kids a favour and stop being so stupid.