I'm a mum of 2 at 19. AMA

[bumblebeess]

New user here! I thought I'd start this topic because there's such a misconception about young parents and a lot of stereotyping and it might be of interest to other people. so AMA!

Why did you choose to have children so young.

How old were you when you had your first. Do you have supportive friends/family/DH/DP?

@SeaViewBliss I was 16 (almost 17) when I had my first.
I have a very supportive DP and a very supportive DM but family doesn't really extend much further than that!

This thread irks me a bit, I fell pregnant with my first at 17, I don't see why age is relevant..
I'm sure u have a lot more to u than the fact that ur a mum of two age 19

What career plans do you have?

19 is young to already have two kids. Why don't you tell us more about yourself?
Did you plan to have both kids? What do you do for money? Are you working or studying? Do you think 19 is too young? So you live at home with your parents?

I think a lot of the 'stereotypes' around young Mums are there for a reason. They obviously don't apply to everyone though! Outcomes for kids with young mothers and the young mothers themselves are typically quite poor compared with older Mothers.

BTW I had my first dc at 26. I felt that was a good age.

@MaidenMotherCrone I think it's just a personal choice - I didn't exactly choose to TTC my first though, that's just the way life worked and I am very happy with it!

How does a teenager afford two children?

I think there’s already been several AMAs about teen parents.

To summarise, it isn’t big and it isn’t clever but it can work out.

It often doesn’t work out though and that’s worth mentioning too.

How do you support your children?

I had mine young (3 by early twenties) - and didn’t have more- that was they key for me. Fill up your very early young adulthood with babies but not the rest of your life. I’m mid fifties with nice adult kids and dgc. I liked having energy and a kind of instinct when they were little but I did mess some things up because of my youth. Do you agree?

Were your children planned? (not judging, just nosy. I have 3 planned and 2 unplanned myself).

Are your "mum friends" young parents too or older?

Do you think it's easier to cope with sleep deprivation as a young mum?

@Yohooo I studied from home and worked full time while I was pregnant with DC1 and completed my A Levels from home. I started working full time again when DC1 was 18 months and I had completed A Levels. I'd love to do a degree but it just isn't feasible right now but at some point in the future!

We don't live at home with parents, although we did for a little while.
I think 19 is too young for a lot of people to have kids, but not too young for others! Depends on a lot of factors.

I did a part time degree when they were a bit older. Really loved it.

For most people it comes down to money and maturity.

Neither of which are a given if you’re a 30 year old mother, but predominantly not present as a teen mother.

@Urbanbeetler I kind of agree with you. I wouldn't particularly say I messed up anything because of my youth but I would say I perhaps had a harder transition into motherhood with my first, I found the first month quite difficult before I settled into being a mum, and it was made worse that I felt like I had to prove myself to everyone so felt ashamed to admit that I was slightly struggling!

@elliejjtiny my first was unplanned. My second wasn't necessarily planned either but it was something we'd hoped to happen, but we didn't actively TTC. Not sure if that one makes sense?

@elliejjtiny I don't have many mum friends at all, which is something I wish I had!!

I've had friends that are younger mums too in an attempt to make some and felt there was a maturity difference and we had different ways of parenting etc so cut ties.

Plenty of people can’t afford to have a family without help from top up benefits fleece

@Urbanbeetler it's lovely to hear you did a part time degree when your kids were older! it's something I look into a lot!

@elliejjtiny I'm not sure if it's easier to cope with sleep deprivation as a young mum as I don't have the experience as an older mum, but I've had two really good sleepers so far so I'm very lucky, & sleep deprivation still gets me on some days, I admire mums that can last on no sleep for days at a time!!

At 16, were your school/teachers supportive?
How did your friends react? Were they supportive?

I was early 20s having my first, (she's 16 now) and we completely drifted apart, pretty much as as soon as I announced the pregnancy. I think most of them were horrified.
I can't imagine 16 year olds being supportive either.

This might sound like a strange question, but have there been 'copycat pregnancies'? ie, did other girls your age also have babies around the same time as you, or in the months after? Were you yourself drawn to the idea of it when you saw another teen become a mum? Sorry, but it is AMA
I have seen at first hand, groups of teen girls get pregnant within months of the other. I think in their naivety, they find certain parts of it appealing, or their ticket to escape their own family home or even stupidly tie down a partner

I know 2 ladies who had kids at 16.
One is now 32 runs a successful business grooming and walking dogs. She was a lp.
One is 30 and has so many letters after her name it baffles me. She's always worked f.t and has always been ambitious. She was married, then lp for years, then met my lovely brother.
I don't judge, but definitely acknowledge that it's a hard road and a carefree youth is lost.

@MrsCar I was actually just finished school when I found out I was pregnant and homestudied after that so unaware of teachers (probably negative) reactions!

My friends were very happy for me to be honest, but as predicted, my friends from school didn't stick as friends when I was a mum. There was a big maturity difference and a lack of understanding for my life and my priorities and I just drifted from everyone, which anyone could've predicted really!

As for copycat pregnancies, I didn't see any nor did I want to be a teen mum by seeing others! I was terrified when I found out I was pregnant with my first!

@Kemer2018 completely agree and completely acknowledge the last bit. I point it out to any other young girl that looks at me with a cute baby and says 'I want one' it's a big commitment and I agree you can't be both a mum and act like a teenager and a lot of people do end up wanting both when they have children young.