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AMA
Original poster

I'm a mum of 2 at 19. AMA

129 replies

bumblebeess · 26/12/2018 10:03

New user here! I thought I'd start this topic because there's such a misconception about young parents and a lot of stereotyping and it might be of interest to other people. so AMA!

OP posts:
Yohooo · 26/12/2018 10:57

Doing A levels must have been hard. Did you get good grades? What subjects?

Do you get lonely?

How old is your partner?

Original poster
bumblebeess · 26/12/2018 11:00

@Yohooo it was very hard but it was something I knew would massively benefit all of us.
I did Psychology, English and Business studies. I completed with 2 A's and a C.

I don't get lonely a lot but do sometimes wish I had other mum friends.

My DP is 21!

OP posts:
Yohooo · 26/12/2018 11:05

Kemer
I know 2 ladies who had kids at 16......

It's great when it does work out and there is no doubt that there are plenty of examples where it can. In some ways a young parent can have access to more support (financial
and practical) than a slightly older Mother.

Unfortunately though outcomes for the children and mothers involved are typically a significantly worse than for older Mums.

immortalmarble · 26/12/2018 11:15

When it works out it works out despite having had a child at 16, not because.

ourkidmolly · 26/12/2018 11:30

How are you supporting these children?

Original poster
bumblebeess · 26/12/2018 11:36

@ourkidmolly DP works full time as did I, I am now on maternity leave.

OP posts:
twattymctwatterson · 26/12/2018 11:53

Lots of the responses on this thread are typical of the type of prejudice against young mums- that they can't possibly work or have a partner who works

jayne310 · 26/12/2018 12:00

Sorry to just jump on here but loved reading this. I too am a young mum. I got pregnant with my first baby at 15 and gave birth at 16. I gave birth at 23 weeks and sadly he passed after just two hours of being alive💜 I then got pregnant agen at 16 and gave birth at 17. Not to sound big headed but I have never struggled coping as a parent. Me and my partner did and do everything on our own my daughter is always with me never have I left her with anyone to go shop or whatever. I went to college for three years not long after having her. And my partner works a very good job. I always feel like everyone judges young parents and think they can't cope or don't know what there doing or they ruined there life by having children so young. I'm a fantastic parent to my daughter and do everything for her and never let her down.

Original poster
bumblebeess · 26/12/2018 12:02

@jayne310 I am so sorry about your loss Flowers you sound like an excellent mum.
That is why I started this thread. I feel so judged a lot of the time and feel like people have so many misconceptions and stereotypes of young parents still and they're false - not all the time - but a fair bit of the time.

OP posts:
IVEgottheJINGLEBELLS · 26/12/2018 12:05

How did you go to college for 3 years if you never left your baby jayne?

jayne310 · 26/12/2018 12:10

Thank you and I know and people always say 'oh god you had her young didn't you' what's difference if I had her at 15 or had her at 35 ? My sister is a lot older than me and struggled being a parent and now her children don't live with her. I hate people that are so judgemental about young parents weather they have struggled being a parent or not. Xx

jayne310 · 26/12/2018 12:14

@IVEgottheJINGLEBELLS
She was in a private nursery.
I dropped her off in the morning and picked her up as soon as I finished. What I meant by she never left my side was. I never left her with anyone if I wanted to nip to the shops I always took her with me never said to my mum oh could you watch her for five while I go shop. I seen loads of people who have had kids and never see them with there kids.

Original poster
bumblebeess · 26/12/2018 12:46

@jayne310 completely agree. I think that it's a common misconception that teen/young parents give their children to grandparents/anyone that'll have them. I'm not saying it doesn't happen but it's certainly not all.

OP posts:
firsttimebabybirther · 26/12/2018 12:56

I'm a young mum of one! And I had to just jump on and say that I hate that most people think that my DS grandparents have him all the time , he's never been away over night but does go with his nana once a week whilst we work (both work full time , but both in management positions so can work our work around each other's)

When would you say you feel most judged?

Original poster
bumblebeess · 26/12/2018 12:56

@MrsCar completely missed your question - sorry!

DP works full time and I have too, I am now on maternity. Same as many other families I suppose?

OP posts:
greendale17 · 26/12/2018 12:59

So whilst you are working full time who looks after the kids? How do you afford childcare? Do you still live at home? Claim benefits?

Original poster
bumblebeess · 26/12/2018 13:02

@firsttimebabybirther probably most judged by strangers. I look extra young for my age (about 17) so I'm aware to have two small children in tow in public looks strange!! Also if my toddler is to have tantrums in public I feel I'm more judged as I feel people think I don't know what I'm doing. That bit could just be in my head though but it's easy to get overwhelmed with toddlers public tantrums, I'm just getting used to it!

OP posts:
Original poster
bumblebeess · 26/12/2018 13:05

I worked full time when I had 1. Between my wages and DP's wages we covered nursery charges and rent by ourselves. Now DC2 is here, we would qualify for help with a portion of the childcare for 2 children if I return to work which is the plan, although nursery is a lot more expensive for under 2's.

OP posts:
Original poster
bumblebeess · 26/12/2018 13:06

@greendale17 my last reply was in response to your questions (I forgot to tag!)

OP posts:
IVEgottheJINGLEBELLS · 26/12/2018 13:09

I have 4 dc at 30. I had 2 by 21 so not as young as the OP but i regularly get IDed for energy drinks, paracetamol etc so i do look much younger than i am.

I agree about feeling most judged in public especially if a child is playing up. I find the people most likely to question "Are those ALL your children?" are old ladies.

Original poster
bumblebeess · 26/12/2018 13:31

@IVEgottheJINGLEBELLS I'm glad it's not just me that feels like that!

OP posts:
Original poster
bumblebeess · 26/12/2018 16:03

@twattymctwatterson agree, but this is the attitude outside MN too, which is why I wanted to start a thread for people to express their curiosities/question their judgements!

OP posts:
otos · 26/12/2018 18:35

@immortalmarble I didn't really understand your comment, sorry!

immortalmarble · 26/12/2018 18:55

What I mean is that having your children young can turn out okay, but being realistic about it, it doesn’t turn out okay because you were young. It isn’t something I would recommend!

Thisimmortalcurl · 26/12/2018 19:07

I would def not recommend but I was pregnant at 16 and then 18.
16 was complete stupidity, 18 was contraceptive failure.
I went back to a community school and did my highers when pregnant and gave birth whilst doing my highers .
Worked in community education for a few years and claimed child tax credit although I was on the dole for two years as the dad passed away.
Met my now husband when I was 21, his support enabled me to go on to work in nursing .
Both kids now have completed there degrees and are doing well.
I did have another child as well with a big age gap .
I wouldn’t ever want my kids to do it and it felt pretty lonely at times however I’m the same mum to all three no matter what age.
My principals and parenting didn’t change .
Financially and emotionally it was easier when I was older as so many others were in the same boat.
Good luck OP , you sound like you are doing really well .

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