I have 6 kids - AMA

[Sarcy]

Just for a bit of entertainment as I'm not doing much today. Ask away

Are you super organised?
How on Earth do you manage to get 6 kids out the door to go anywhere?
Did you find any jump in number difficult, ie 1-2 or 4-5?

I only have twins, and am hideously bad at organising, and getting us out the door is a military operation (without the precision!). I’ve always wanted 4, but don’t know if I’d be able to hack it now.

Just to be nosey do you or your DH work? If so what do you do? If not what did you do previously?

Also I’m mid 20’s and one of a large sibset. I’m the oldest and I bloody loved it. I took my youngest sister to/ from school when I was at secondary and college. I always had a friend to hang out with, we all got to spend lots of time with our mum. It was fab. Some people might be shit with lots of children but I am certain not all of them are. I am so sorry that people need to project their shitty upbringings on mumsnet. My dad was a bit crap, I don’t go round telling people not to procreate with men because I had a rough time of it. It’s ridiculous.

BrandNew, I don’t think OP was saying her experience is everyone’s experience - which is what you have said of your experience. I think OP is being open and quite realistic, but if you don’t have any other questions why bother to keep replying.

Do you always dismiss the views of people with a lived experience you don’t like?

Do you?

Brand I was a SAHM when my kids were small and then worked from home part time in our own business with their Dad.

They were never in childcare or after school club, we did every drop off and pick up, ate every meal together round the table, went on multiple holidays (cheapy camping stuff).

Yes there may have been four of them but they have had a massive amount of attention and time. I am absolutely confident that they had a good childhood.

I also have 6 kids so I know 4 in 5 years, all of them boys! They can be a instant party or sometimes monkeys at the zoo fighting over 1 banana! It can be crazy but wonderful and they are all different personalities that merge together in one great unity. I wouldn't have it any other way.

I think we all get that parents of big families think they are doing a great job and wouldn't have it any other way.

The more interesting questions is how do the children feel, particularly later in life. There are always plenty of posters from big families who have, like me consciously opted to have a small family and not recreate a big family of their own.

If it's all so great, why is this?

Equally MrsCholly there are posters from families of one or two children who have chosen to have big families.

In my own case there was a fairly toxic golden child/black sheep thing going on in my birth family of two kids(and coincidentally also DH's). No way would I ever have two children.

But I am not daft enough to think everyone with two kids feels like this

Why is this?

Because we are all different, with different experiences? It's like someone saying "I had a crap mother who didn't want me and I ruined her career, so now I'm childfree". Nothing wrong with being childfree, nothing wrong with accurately describing the unpleasant experience of having a crap mother - but it would be pretty myopic to say that everyone who chooses to become a mother is making a bad decision they and their child(ren) will regret.

I'm one of a very large family. We are very close and happy and I had loads of one-on-one time (including solo holidays and ferrying to multiple extracurricular activities) with my folks. We are all close in adulthood. (In the interests of full disclosure, I'd point out that I'm not British, and my family was very wealthy - the issue of an exhausted mother and kids being forced to do housework doesn't arise when you have a full-time housekeeper.)

It's fine if some people had awful childhoods and attribute it to having too many siblings. But I get awfully at people insisting that its always selfish and terrible for the children. I'm glad I have every one of my siblings, and they certainly aren't an amorphous blob.

I'd have a big family myself, but my health doesn't permit it.

I came from a family that I had a sister 10yrs older than me and was always resentful of me. My mother was married 3 times and my father was married 3 times my family was totally fragmented I was the loneliest child you could ever see. When I married my husband I hoped we would have a large family and my hopes came true. Each child has different personalities and therefore different hobbies. We are celebrating our wedding anniversary 29 yrs at the end of the month. I don't drink I don't smoke and either does my husband and we have mammy and me time where we are on our own every day. The school has always said that my children are always happy friendly and always give their best in every way. My husband is a businessman and property developer so I don't claim benefits before anyone asks and we a lucky that we have a large household that they can have alone time. What I'm saying is some may have wanted their childhood to be a different way but it's my job as a s a h m to put my children first and and make sure as individuals their wants and needs are met. Be your family small or big children must feel happy and their ambition must be met. Happy kids happy family that's what I feel and it's my job to make that happen.

I know two mothers who were only children who have both had 3 children each. Does that mean all onlies are lonlies? Anecdote is not data. As I said earlier, parenting in general has changed massively from our parents generation to ours. I am far more tactile and involved with my children’s day to day life than my parents ever were.

Oh and to the poster who asked, yes, they’ve fetched a nappy or a beaker of water once or twice but no, they’ve never been asked to change a nappy, feed a sibling or entertain beyond ‘keep an eye on them whilst I nip to the loo.’

Being an only is and was fucking grim

No, it was grim for you, you can't speak on behalf of all only children just like I can't speak on behalf of all children of large families when I say it was shit growing up with 6 siblings.

I hated growing up in a big family. The day I went to university and had a bedroom of my own was absolute bliss!

Are you a YouTuber because I think I waxh your channel

Clionba, mine all have their own lovely big bedroom and we even manage a guest room so in theory I could have 5 and they still all have their own, double bedroom. They have a boys’ bathroom and a girls’ bathroom too so they’re each only sharing a bathroom with one other person. Downstairs we have a kitchen/dining/family room, a sitting room, a tv den and a study/music room so enough space to spread out. It isn’t a given that large families are cramped and can’t wait to head off to university to have their own space.

Lemonnaise, that’s exactly the point. But there’s far more posters on here saying how awful it was and implying, rudely IMO, that the op’s and others’ children only think it’s good now as they haven’t reach adulthood, than there are posters saying that having one is selfish and that onlies are spoilt and lonely. Some only children will be like that and grow up feeling sad that their parents didn’t give them siblings but of course many won’t. Likewise, some posters who grew up in families of 4,5,6 or more remember their childhood as being horrid and burdened by responsibility and never having their parents’ attention. That’s just how it is.

6 was a normal sized family when I was growing up. Dh is one of 6 and I can't imagine lovely MIL thinking it was anything to be asked about. It never occured to me to think "omg DH is one of 6" Most of my friends were of families of 4 or 5 or 6 - but lots of families of 2 too. of my 7 closest friends, 3 were one of 10.

Why is this a thing? You have 6 children you rear them, just like if you have 4 or 3 or 2 you rear them. What would we need to ask?

Shade how lucky your children grow up in a massive house! We never had enough space. One bathroom for all of us! I don't think the OP is as fortunate in terms of space, but it probably doesn't bother her. Not great in my experience, so I has a small family, but if it works for you that's fine.

It’s not massive, just big enough for our needs. My point is just that personally, I wouldn’t have more children than I have bedrooms for so whatever else they might complain about as they get older, lack of personal space can’t be one of them. I grew up sharing a bedroom with my sister even though there was just the 2 of us and yes, all 4 of us shared a small bathroom. We had a small lounge diner and a galley kitchen. I grew up feeling far more cramped than I’m sure my children do. But then we were poor so I didn’t get to do activities outside the house either whereas my children have extra curricular and hobby stuff coming out their ears.

From an environmental perspective, well my sister had none so my parents had 2children and ended up with 4GC so no more than is deemed ‘acceptable’. My sister also died young which from my perspective means that every worry, hope and expectation suddenly passes to the one that’s left. I didn’t want my children to feel that way.

So for many reasons I don’t agree that 2adults+2children is always going to be the ideal. We are all very much a product of our own experience and naturally want to offer our children something better than what we had.

We have four between 1 and 10. I was raised as an only although had 2 half siblings but rarely saw them. Being an "only" was lonely for me.

To anyone who has gone through the teen years is the cost increase really THAT bad?

To anyone who has gone through the teen years is the cost increase really THAT bad?

Not in my experience, so far. But my 2 eldest teens aren't the "going out" type, with less than zero interest in name brands etc etc.

The teen years can be quite pricey depending on their hobbies and interests. The university years have been very expensive - the accommodation costs have been high.

Ty peanut

I always wonder if the teen thing depends on where you set the bar when younger

E.g. DN is 12 and gets £20 per week pocket money atleast. Our DS is 10 and gets £10 pcm. DN thinks this is terrible. I assume his demands as a teenager will be more than those of our DS although i may be wrong

Saying you can't have enough 1 to 1 time with each presumes all members of the household get up and go to bed at the same time and are interested in the same things. In my experience the younger baby gets up first, teenagers get evenings and the in between ages are the ones to most likely need parental help with activities. That's before any concerted effort to spend time with each.
It can be busy but often isn't! It's not the chaos ime that people think.

Having lots isn't good for the earth or environment but is good for the continuation of the human race - we are below replacement rates