I have 6 kids - AMA

[Sarcy]

Just for a bit of entertainment as I'm not doing much today. Ask away

The impact of large families on UK society is negligible. According to the ONS article, Households and Household Composition in England and Wales: 2001-11:

The average household size in 2011 in England was 2.36 people and in Wales was 2.31; this has remained stable over the last three decades. Scotland’s average household size was lower (2.19) and Northern Ireland’s higher (2.54).

47% (25.6 million) of the household population lived in households with dependent children in 2011; this was a decrease in proportion from 48% (24.3 million) in 2001. The number of adults living in households with dependent children was 13.5 million; this was 31% of all adults living in households. This compares to 12.6 million (32%) in 2001.

It's ridiculous to use the "what if everyone had six children" argument - because it isn't happening, and it likely never will! Families with more than 4 children are increasingly rare, and families with more than 6 children are statistically non-existent.

I grew up as one of five children and like many of the other posters from large families have limited myself to two children. I just don't feel that individual needs can be catered for in such large families. I know mine were not. My older sister was expected to mother me and my older brothers were resentful of yet another much younger child arriving.

Are you religious?
No, I'm not

For those asking I do feel like I give them all equal and a lot of attention. Especially with them being homeschooled or have been homeschooled in the past I've been able to spend a lot of time with them

Avtar, so not all couples are so selfish to have 6 or more children but what if they were?

Where I live it seems most couples have at least 3 but more often 4. What about the cost of all the births to the NHS? The other medical costs? Schooling?

@mydogisthebest well it's not like that in most areas

Do you consider investment in the rising generation selfish? A waste of tax payer's money?

Who are you to decide the worth of a human life, hmm?

I think before we start quantifying how much we are willing to spend on large families, we should look at our own selves and how much we are "costing" the system. Are you so perfect you won't need social medical care?

Your judgy attitude is astonishing.

If money/house size wasn’t an issue would you have more?
Did you have easy pregnancies/births?

If money/house size wasn’t an issue would you have more? probably not, i feel like 6 is enough
Did you have easy pregnancies/births? my pregnancies were tiring but besides from that not too bad. I had 2 emergency sections, the other 4 there were little to no complications or problems

It's interesting. I had four and worked part time from home but I still felt I was spread very thinly between my children.

I liked having a houseful of kids but found having a houseful of spirited teenagers very....challenging.

How is your pelvic floor? I thought mine was fine until I reached menopause.

@BrandNewHouse - so very true. There's just no time or space is there? My dad even used to get our names muddled up. Never any one to one time, or chance to talk and listen. When we were all teenagers it was insane! The OP must be special to be able to give them all attention and affection according to their needs.

My kids are in their early twenties Brand and don't have this take on it. You can't say your view is the view of every child from a large family.

@BrandNewHouse I'm sure you know at least 6 people on a personal level, the little things about them, right? At least I'm sure some people do. So why wouldn't i know my kids and think of them as individuals just because i have 6 and not 1 or 2.

I think when some posters say they were 1 of 5,6,7 etc and they never got attention etc it has to be put in a generational context. 30yrs ago, parents on the whole gave less attention to their children; my own included. So whilst I’m not at all suggesting that some posters indeed got less attention because they were 1 of 6, I also think we need to acknowledge that these days we give our children far more attention generally. So a present day parent of 2 quite likely gives their own children far more individual and overall attention that a parent of 2 in the 1970s or 80s.

I feel like doing the same so we may as well leave it at that

I have 4 and get asked about individual attention all the time. They all get individual attention. They all get time with just DH and I. They each get one weekend a year where we all do what that one chooses; this is usually a couple of days by the beach, a weekend at Center Parcs, a trip to London etc. Other times, yes, there needs to be some compromise and agreement on what we do. The older ones don’t do any more chores that other kids their age (keeping their own room tidy, putting their own washing away, emptying the dishwasher twice a wk)
I’m quite sure there are large families where it’s chaos and all ‘a fog’ but then that can be the case for some families with just two children too.

Also, they each gave their own individual hobbies which are special to them. We support each of them with these endeavours whether that be attending recitals or matches. They each have their own bedrooms and possessions. Christmas is an especially magical time.

Oh and the older ones have never changed a nappy, wiped a bum, been forced or even encouraged to entertain a younger one.

Does it bother you that your children will know that their childhood be nothing more than a foggy blur to you? I judge (really judge) parents who have so many kids because I have lived it. Nobody who grows up in a large family (except the oldest and youngest, perhaps) has any delusion that they are more to their parents than part of the amorphous “The kids/gang/team”. As a child of course you accept it as normal, but then you grow up and realise how much children of large families are short-changed.
My mother doesn’t like that I have that opinion, but mothers like that never do, do they OP?

I’m not the OP, but I do have 4 children. I can assure you their childhoods are not a ‘foggy blur,’ and they are not a gang, they are individuals. I know what each of them likes/dislikes. They have very different needs, all of which are met. I know who’s having issues with somebody at school, who needs to do extra homework to catch up, who could do with a new hat/coat/shoes etc.

6 isn’t that many more, it’s hardly the Radfords!

You sound bitter, and that’s very sad, but your experience isn’t that of every person who grows up with multiple siblings. Your projection to the OP reflects worse on you than her.

Alittleshared I just can't believe the older ones have never had to entertain the younger ones. I'm a SAHM with only 2 and I've asked my older child to play with his little sister or grab a nappy etc

Also, my kids get way more time with me/their dad than I, an only child, ever did. As an unplanned only, when you’re constantly told you won’t get a sibling as you are ‘hard work enough,’ I assure you, there is less feeling of love, acceptance and being wanted than being one of 4-6 who clearly are all very wanted, why else have them?

Being an only is and was fucking grim. And I’m not even 30 so not a ‘70s/80s parenting’ thing.

You know, I was about to type a long post that defended my children's lives to a bunch of strangers on the internet, but I won't bother. I'm sorry some people have had a difficult upbringing - I'm one of them. But my children are happy and well adjusted individuals, because I work my arse off to make that happen. I take this parenting thing seriously, and haven't just popped out a succession of children for funzies.