Was the OW now the DW - AMA

[Ivgotasecretcanyoukeepit]

I was the OW now the DW so AMA if you’re interested.

How do you know that in RL that people don't pigeon hole and talk about you and your DH and about your affair? I think it's very naive to think that your DH's friends and family just accept it and don't bitch or speak about you in private.
You can only take them at face value really.
Like I get that you guys were in love but honestly there was just a better way of going about it then having an affair, he should of ended his marriage before getting involved, it's just about being the beats person you can be. I do hope his ex DW finds a real partner who would never do this, she deserves at least that much

No. We are completely suited. Even his exDW says that.. She's not wrong.

So he had several affairs?

He isn't a good man. He didn't have an affair with you because you were so in love. He had an affair because that's what he does. That's who he is.

Honestly, I genuinely don't get how you can trust him or believe you are that special you have changed him.

My H of 20 yrs had an affair and left me. I was completely devastated, lost 2 stone, couldn't sleep, had palpitations, was broken. One child went completely off the rails, the destruction an affair leaves behind is huge and ripples on for years.
They got wed and were v happy, after 7 years she had an (another) affair and left him. He was distraught and rang me to ask for legal help and apologised for what he done to me and the DC. She has since died, but contacted me before and told me she was sorry. When she met him his 1st words to her were" I'm a happily married man with 3 DC".
My DC have nothing to do with him.
You make out all is rosy and no pain has been caused but it has. It might be ok now but there was pain that you both caused. If he has had many affairs she is better of without him, and perhaps you are better suited as your moral compass is the same. It is now win win for her- she no longer has to worry about what he's up to/ sneaking about and has good childcare for when she's working. If you showed remorse for the upset you caused maybe you would not get a hard time. But you just don't seem very nice.

These posters always make me

I’ve been happily married for 20 years op and I’ve seen women like you come and go around me. It always ends the same way. Are you prepared for that?

Oh... and... I see you.

Does his exW know you were one of his many affair partners? Does his daughter, and when will you tell her and your own child?

He saw you coming eh? You look after his dd while he's planning his next affair no doubt.

Op too many bitter ex wives here to have a civilised discussion probably. Do you and your do have any children together and do you think that would change the dynamics of your relationship with dsd? I guess however that could be applied to any relationship with stepchildren. I quite believe your account of things as have witnessed it in other relations and on the whole people just want to get along. Maybe initially there is private judginess but once relations with friends have been established and time has passed no one seems to really care how the relationship starts.

I'm another who was the OW now DW....it does happen and it doesn't always end badly. FWIW there is almost always some serious emotional immaturity on the part of either the man or the OWs part. It's what happens next that determines whether the marriage to the OW will succeed or not. The affairs that have turned into successful marriages have all been 'exit affairs'. I've never seen a serial adulterer suddenly turn into a person who can settle into a marriage.

Op too many bitter ex wives here to have a civilised discussion probably

I'm an ex wife. And happy to be one. I instigated the split, there was no affair on anyone's part. Why would I be bitter about someone whose been a OW?

I just don't understand it. The ops dh had multiple affairs. He is a serial cheater and yet she believes she has changed him.

@Schnitzel - his exDW knew of his first affair but they stayed together as their daughter was very young. She actually only knew about me when my DH ended the relationship.

If we need to tell DSD then we will I can’t see it being an issue. It’s not as if I have stolen her dad and he no longer sees her it is very much the opposite as stated above.

@Lois - yes because someone would really divorce their wife to re marry another woman just to then cheat on her for free childcare.

@beardy - yes unfortunately you’re right.
We do have children together and no it didn’t change the dynamics of my relationship with my DSD. She loves having siblings and I treat her exactly the same as my own children.
Some posters don’t seem to comprehend that though and would rather I was the stereotypical wicked stepmother.

You see real friends don’t judge they gave advice and opinions and support where needed so we had no negativity and we didn’t actually flaunt our relationship so unless you are very close to us you wouldn’t know.

She actually only knew about me when my DH ended the relationship.

So does she know you were the OW?

Does she know about the several affairs inbetween?

You are "flaunting" your relationship on here though, aren't you ?

So his ex and DD don't know about the affair? I guess that might explain why things are so friendly

I don't think the OP is flaunting her relationship. This is a hard topic but I think it does need to be talked about more. Affairs aren't uncommon and their effects on families can be devastating. It's all well and good to demonise those involved with a bit of self righteous anger but it doesn't lead to any greater understanding.

I did a lot of reading and counselling after my affair and this article is one of the best I've read if anyone's interested:

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.theatlantic.com/amp/article/537882/

Why did it take your husband 6 months (or even 18 months) to leave his wife if you were as blown away by each other as you say you were?

Why does the ex wife think her husband divorced her?

You don't think posting about her brilliant life at the expense of others in our shiny new topic AMA is a tad err attention seeking then ?

Surely all of AMA could be classed as "attention seeking" @AnyFucker. Does it matter? If people aren't interested or don't want to "give her attention" then don't post?

We don't need "greater understanding" of people who have affairs . Most of us understand them perfectly well already thanks.

You've had an affair yourself, you say kabeca

Quelle surprise

Why didn't you insist he end his marriage before sleeping with him?

@Short - yes she knows. What several affairs? He one other long term affair that he ended as their daughter was very young.

@AnyFucker - I don’t think a thread on an ‘AMA’ subject is ‘flaunting’ if you’re so disgusted then don’t read the thread. Simple really.

@Kabeca - finally a rational poster. It is a brutal topic but one that has many stereotypes as demonstrated by some of the responses on this thread.

@objection sir - she knows he had fell in love with someone else he didn’t hide that. She knows it was me. She has never asked me about it as why would she and it doesn’t affect how we communicate over my DSD.

Is this the most interesting thing about you?