Was the OW now the DW - AMA

[Ivgotasecretcanyoukeepit]

I was the OW now the DW so AMA if you’re interested.

Does his wife have to work like that because she has to pay the bills and keep the roof on her head? Who was the primary carer of her daughter before you came butting in? I don't think he sounds like the kind of man who could share that responsibility at all. Also, what sort of precedent have you set for your "very own child" by marring a man who managed to have three women in one marriage?

Even if a sex workder starts a thread in AMA, I feel like it might add something to someone's life somewhere or we might get some insights that could make things better for abused and trafficked women.
Can you tell us what is the point of your thread if all is rosy and golden and you feel no guilt and it's the happy ever after for all involved plus the social circle?

LOL at the idea that starting an anonymous thread online is "flaunting a relationship"

When I said what sort of precedent have you set for your "very own child" by marring a man who managed to have three women in one marriage?, I should I have added that three is the number you have given us. We will never know the real number, neither will you. Besides, you have been a liar. Why should anyone trust whatever number you give us? How can I be sure that's real when you aren't authentic anyway?

LOL at the idea that starting an anonymous thread online is "flaunting a relationship
Do you know who flaunts their relationship and why? That's your answer right there.

"Fell in love"

Stop painting your sordid affair up.

You "Fell into bed"

Don't you feel a bit disgusted by him? I mean why would you want a man who can't maintain fidelity? It's a bit gross to everyone surely?

NightandFog is currently active under her new name, wanting to try for a baby. I'm pretty sure this OP is not her.

OP, you said up thread that he had a number of affairs including you and a long timer.

Do you genuinely believe that your the Special Affair that changed his ways?

Why did it take your husband 6 months (or even 18 months) to leave his wife if you were as blown away by each other as you say you were?

Also, you skipped this question. Which I think is a rather key one.

If you were the love of your husbands life, and he is a decent man, then he would have ended his previous relationship before starting a new one, no?

*you're

You said he'd had one long-term affair and a number of flings before you, so how long was he actually faithful to his first wife for? And if when he cheats on you, will you tolerate it or end things?

I really hope you spend some time reading this post back to yourself. You sound like you are believing what your voice wants you to hear. The reality is that your relationship with your dsd is not all roses if you don't talk to each other about breaking up her family.
Your DH is a serial affairs man and the fact that he had a long-term affair before suggests that he is addicted to the 'head over heels' thing.
Your comment that you and DH have a connection that is so much stronger than all of your friends partnerships doesn't take into account that they have chosen to dig deep and stay together. Your DH has never done that.
Take care of yourself and really think.

Did you not feel unbelievably guilty sleeping with your now husband knowing he had a young daughter?

Why have an affair? Why did you not insist he first ended his marriage before embarking on a relationship with you?

Do you plan on having children with this man, a man who betrayed his young daughter and her mother?

Did you get a kick out of knowing he and you were betraying his wife and daughter?

Do you really not feel that a man with such low morals and a complete lack of integrity won't do the same to you? And, if he does, will you feel in a way that you deserve it bearing in mind your own less than desirable behaviour?

He did have other affairs in his marriage. He had one other long term affair many years before he met me.

😂 congrats on being the most willingly available out of his parade of spares!

@ivgotasecretcanyoukeepit i asked a question upthread tgat you havent answered. I asked what qualities you looked for in a husband? I said that most people would want integrity, honesty, loyalty and parental skills. Do you not value those characteristics? It was all about the connection?

Oh OP you were never going to come out of this AMA uninjured but good for you for trying.

I was the OW too.

My DP's wife had affairs throughout their marriage that only came to light when a (genetic illness) DNA test was needed on their first child, child was 13 at the time, conceived 3 months after their marriage.

I was married too but my husband didn't want me to leave.
It's not always as clear and simple and most posters on here like to think.

Do you feel guilty?
Do you worry that you might be tempted again?

OP you have described the responses on this thread as “brutal”. Upon rereading what you have written do you think there is anything in the way yu have approached and written about this topic in this thread that may have provoked this response?

I am also curious to know what your reasons were for posting an AMA about being the other woman, and whether there have been any shifts in your thinking about the topic as a result of this thread.

Are you going to post on here for support WHEN he cheats on u and falls in love with someone else

Do it with you, do it to you.

Did you not feel guilty? I was with a guy (abusive and I was already vulnerable due to ongoing abuse before him) and I found out he was with about three other women, fuck knows how as for the few weeks we were “together” he was always with me. Anyway, I didn’t like finding that out but I had already left him so it didn’t matter. But do you not worry that he or yourself could leave for someone else? I get that anyone can be cheated on etc but he has done it twice already so it seems more like he could again. I do think some posters are being nasty though, if they don’t want to know or don’t believe anything or want to tell your future they should probably hide or ignore the thread and just not post. Hopefully your relationship goes well and you don’t feel the pain you both caused another.

OP, you do disgust me. Stranger or not. My ex-h had an affair, left me with a 2 year old undergoing diagnosis for ASD. A baby I had under extreme pressure from him at 42 years old. Our families have been destroyed, my eldest child had a nervous breakdown, I had a nervous breakdown, I have struggled desperately to rebuild our lives, the impact on my physical and mental health has been horrific. The OW is a vicious piece of shit who is the worst thing that could have happened to my DS. The ripples have gone on and on and on and will continue to do so. My ex-h was also a serial adulterer (I found that out AFTER he left) and he will do it again. I have lost count of the amount of people with relationships like yours, that started like yours, that have inevitably ended with yet more cheating, more destroyed children and more lives shattered.

You appear smug frankly. So no, I have no time for women who feel it's OK to get involved with married men, nor men who feel it is OK to cheat on their wives and cause untold damage to their children.

"We were able to leave work. At times when my DSD would be at school."

Does that mean you were shagging when you should've been working?

I also asked if "love is love" if you'd take that view if when he falls in love with someone else and leaves you. You've said yourself he's hardly the faithful type.

Not hysterical at all. You're the one claiming someone else's child as your own - which as I and other posters have said is bang out of order!

She didn’t claim her step daughter as her own but if you look at mumsnet, she couldn’t have said anything else because she would have been deemed nasty etc. She said, she sees her like her own meaning she treats her equally to her own children. I think that’s a good thing actually, even if she tells her later on how her dad got with her and she hates the op I still think treating her well is the right move. I think posters who have personal experience of their husband cheating should back away, your husband cheating wasn’t this particular Op problem and she shouldn’t have to be blamed for that.