Was the OW now the DW - AMA

[Ivgotasecretcanyoukeepit]

I was the OW now the DW so AMA if you’re interested.

OP he's just going to cheat on you / leave you for a younger model eventually. People like him don't change.

I don’t understand the need for comments like this. Yes, him cheating is a possibility as is him not cheating. In fact, many people believe their partners will never cheat but then sometimes it ends up that they do. Anyone can cheat, wether it’s their first relationship and they’ve never cheated before or even if they’ve cheated many times and this is their tenth relationship. The same can be said for people staying together, it happens even if it started as an affair, sometimes they do stick with eachother until they are no longer here. Even commenters on here have said they know people that had affairs and were still together and seem happy. Coming on here just to tell the op she will be cheated on, definitley, 100% is just silly really. She already says she doesn’t trust him 100% which I would agree with, so why the need to tell her he will cheat? If they are happy leave them too it, if he cheats she will have to deal with that at the time, no point dwelling on it now. We could all worry ourselves imagining our partners cheating etc but where would that get us?

fizzthecat is on another thread at the moment where there's possible cheating, I think there's a bit of a theme with that poster.

fizzthecat is on another thread at the moment where there's possible cheating, I think there's a bit of a theme with that poster

Wow you're following me around 😂 There's also a bit of a "theme" with you sticking up for cheaters then? I wonder why that is. I left comments on about 20 trending threads yesterday are you stalking them all?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Weren't you abusing people on the Meghan Markle thread to the point your comments had to be deleted? Hmm bitofathemethere

I posted on this thread days ago and was reading the PP poster, just happened to see you blethering on. Your post was just to needle the OP and was pathetic. Lots of posters have given good advice and she's not even on the thread now.

... and if you were on the MM thread that explains much. Nasty, spiteful comments about a woman so definitely a theme. How sad.

For clarification, there are many posters I'd follow but you're not one of them. Please don't name-change, I'll swerve your nonsense from now on. That's enough thread derailing, I think.

@blueshoes

I think you know that. That is why you keep up your looks and career and stay financially independent. That is probably why you also stay in the same company as him even though the marriage has hindered your career. Is it to keep an eye on him? Unfortunately, men can easily find ways to hide an affair. Does he travel for work? yes
How did he hide his affair with you and your predecessor from his wife? we are both able to work from home and we did go away together on ‘business’ so to speak. It was easy as she didn’t know. It’s scary really when I think about it as it could have went on for a lot longer

Thank you blue for your non judgemental post.

I think it was me who wrote the point about spouses growing together by helping their OHs every single day in the best possible ways. This was then connected to the point I wrote asking OP how she respects a man who didn't do that? OP completely missed the point. I do believe that a lot of marriages ail because people don't put in enough time and efforts to grow together.
I didn’t miss the point so to speak I just don’t agree with your point. Yes in an ideal world married couples or long term couples grow together however one half of that couple could already be looking for a way out. My husband didn’t want to be with his wife. Yes he shouldn’t have been such a coward about it but he didn’t want to put in the effort and ‘grow’ with her he wanted out of their marriage. Whether you like it or not people grow and change and the person they are married too may not be what they want anymore. Affairs are definitely not the answer and I would hope my husband has learned his lesson from the heartache we have all suffered especially his ex wife. I would hope he had grown enough to be honest but growing together only works when both parties are invested in the relationship.

@greenberet

I’m so sad to read your post. I really hope you’re ok and enjoying the holidays with your babies.
I didn’t realise you had twins too. They are so precious and the most beautiful gift - hard work though I am always exhausted.

I hope you enjoyed or are enjoying your break it’s always good to have some ‘me’ time to relax and switch off. Please keep posting or start your own thread

OP he's just going to cheat on you / leave you for a younger model eventually. People like him don't change.
We will just have to see won’t we. Right now I can’t see that happening. We simply do not own people and I can’t make him not cheat or stay married to me that is simply his choice.

So you’re in your twenties. Married someone much older with a repeated history of affairs. You seem to place a lot of emphasis on looks and appear to think you have some sort of oh so special love..

Maybe your marriage will last but as someone with a 21 year marriage (including an awful lot of outside stress), I don’t really fancy your chances. The history of repeated affairs is surely a huge red flag.

Well, OP having been offline for a week it's good to see that you have learned something of how the wife can suffer due to the actions of the husband and his affair partner.
But, Lying have needs help to get over her issues . Stop jumping on threads to attack posters love , it makes you look like a loon !!

Maybe your marriage will last but as someone with a 21 year marriage (including an awful lot of outside stress), I don’t really fancy your chances. The history of repeated affairs is surely a huge red flag.

Although to be fair, don't a lot of serial cheats gave up at some point, when they're too old to bother/get it up/attract anyone else anymore (if prostitutes are not their thing). Maybe OP is hoping she's got him at this point (can't remember how old he is)...

You know, OP, there is one more thing.

It's been emotional.

He’s only 40 Ventia. So a while to swing it around yet. The serial shaggers I have come across only seemed to put it away in their 70’s (& that may just be lack of opportunity I guess).