Retired lap dancer- ask me anything

[yourprivatedancerEX]

It’s not something I tell new people I meet that for 10 years I used to be a very successful lap dancer. I have a very different career now but often reminisce about my secret lap dancing past, always with fond memories!
I think it’s still something that is frowned upon by many and in my view I think that’s largely down to being misunderstood. So if any of you have any questions I will answer them and hopefully give you some interesting insight into the secret world of lap dancing! Ask away.

I once stumbled into a pole dancers convention in Vegas and what struck me was how many bruises the girls had!

User

Yes that will be from the pole!

I don't know if my questions have been missed or you have passed them over as they have offended you. I really don't mind if you don't want to answer but I want to make it clear they are genuine questions and no malice or judgement is behind them. I can see they may be misconstrued that way and sincerely apologise if I have offended you, OP.

Clearly it depends on the type of club you work in. I had a few friends at university who worked at local clubs and their experience was a world away from yours.

I’m really glad to hear your experience was so positive but unfortunately it’s not universal.

Wings on my boots

Sorry I thought I had answered them all. I’ll look back through the thread now but feel free to remind me

Empty orchestra

That’s certainly a shame and I would encourage those that don’t enjoy it or have a positive experience to stop doing it. Don’t put yourself through something that doesn’t make you feel good.

I’m not claiming for my experience to be universal. I’m simply answering questions honestly based on my own experiences in the industry. Of course I can’t answer on behalf of anyone else and I’m not claiming to.

Where were the clubs - big UK cities, provincial UK towns, abroad? And were your experiences different in different places, with regards how the clubs treated you and what the customers were like?

Wings on my boots - found your questions!

• I never felt upset or degraded. It was entirely my choice and I was always in control. I could refuse to dance for anyone at any time. I could report people to be warned or thrown out by bouncers, and the management and bouncers were always respectful and protective.

I can see why some might find it degrading and of course the same can be said for things like glamour modelling. And my view is the same for both- if you find it degrading, if it makes you feel bad about yourself then don’t do it.

• I don’t have a teenage daughter but if I did I wouldn’t mind at all. I know the industry from the inside and I know that if you are wise you can really use it to your advantage and make a lot of money to fund other things in life. I would advise her of how to do it and who to avoid and what to say no to. And I would make sure she saved the money so she could fund her future.

Would I mind my partner regularly visiting lapdancing clubs. Yes I would, for two reasons:

1. I think at his age he should have grown out of it!

1. It’s a waste of money

Hope I’ve answered your questions now? Let me know if I’ve missed anything!

By the sea

I worked many places including:

Manchester, Leeds, Harrogate, Wakefield, Blackpool, Huddersfield, Halifax, Brighton, Nottingham, Spain and Ibiza.

My experience was pretty consistent throughout. To be honest many of the clubs were based on recommendations by other dancers so there was no random turning up to a new club and being horrified. They were all good clubs. I knew to avoid some that were known for having a lot of sleazy clientele and the ones where you had to strip on the stage, as well as ones that didn’t get very busy.

I’m not claiming for my experience to be universal. I’m simply answering questions honestly based on my own experiences in the industry. Of course I can’t answer on behalf of anyone else and I’m not claiming to.

Okay, so are you aware that there are vast numbers of women in this industry who don't enjoy it at all and feel degraded by it, and desperately want to leave?

Do you think the "empowered" women mainly come from certain backgrounds compared to others?

I've met quite a number of women who did porn, and absolutely all of them pretended to enjoy themselves as "party girls" but they really took a lot of drugs and alcohol to get themselves through it. You could tell deep down that they weren't really happy.

if you find it degrading, if it makes you feel bad about yourself then don’t do it.

Do you also say that to cleaners and people in other low-paid jobs? Some people do jobs they don't enjoy because they don't have qualifications to be allowed to do anything else.

Have you any concern at all for the impact these clubs have on women and how we are viewed? How we are treated? That the message they send is that women are nothing but commodities for men's consumption and this filters out into society affecting ALL women and girls?

Or what about trafficked women? That every time someone defends this industry and even puts the message out that it is harmless and fun, trafficked women are being slapped in the face! Any concerns about that?

Tectonic plates

I’m not sure why the attack? I’m not claiming it’s for everyone. I’m not saying everyone enjoys it. I’m answering questions about my experience only.

Should I never say I enjoyed it just because some others may not have? I love my current job but I’m sure others somewhere in the same career hate it. I don’t really understand what your point is?

Last girl in the left

I have already answered this question up thread.

Have I any concerns that this industry encourages women to be portrayed as commodities?

Well when you purchase perfume advertised by scantily clad women or watch music videos where basically sex sells, or glaze over glamour shoots in magazines without giving them a second thought- are you not concerned that you too are allowing women to be viewed in this way?

I don’t think lap dancing is the problem. The problem- if there is one, is much deeper rooted in society than in lap dancing clubs I’m afraid!

And to add to that, are your views the same for male strippers?

Dreamboys for example which everyone is going mad for at the minute?

It’s a shame when women have double standards over themselves.

I’m not saying you have to do it or like it. But you can’t judge others for it just because it’s not to your taste.

its so sad thinking of trafficked girls and boys, drugged and performing.

What "industry" are people talking about here? The lap dancing industry or the "sex industry" as a whole, including porn, prostitution etc? I don't think you could lump glamour modelling in with prostitution and porn personally, and the same goes for lap dancing.

No new questions from me. Just wanted to say thanks for the interesting thread and insights

its so sad thinking of trafficked girls and boys, drugged and performing.

Do you conflate drugged and trafficked children with page 3 or grid girls too, or is it just lap dancers you like to lump in with them?

Should I never say I enjoyed it just because some others may not have? I love my current job but I’m sure others somewhere in the same career hate it. I don’t really understand what your point is?

No, and it wasn't an attack. It was a genuine question. I wanted to know if you're aware of the vast numbers of women in the industry who are desperate to leave but don't feel they have any other choice. How is that an attack?

Well when you purchase perfume advertised by scantily clad women or watch music videos where basically sex sells, or glaze over glamour shoots in magazines without giving them a second thought- are you not concerned that you too are allowing women to be viewed in this way?

Do you really think we see these things without giving them a second thought? Personally I feel annoyed when I see them.

Petrol pump

Yes it is. I never came across it in 10 years though and if I had I would have reported it.

Bigsighall

No problem, I’m glad you found it interesting

Tectonic plates

Your tone was very accusatory as though you think I am somehow responsible for answering to trafficking.

I am aware that in all walks of life there are crimes and things that shouldn’t be happening yes. What shall we do about it together?

And what vast numbers are you referring to? I assume you have done lots of in-depth research into this based on your posts?

Loathe these happy stripper/dancer/hooker stories.
The number of women who are genuinely happy/successful in these roles are minute compared to those who are abused and mistreated.
I don't agree with sexualization of women in any form- 'sex work' page three using women to sell products, any of it and op please stop trying to nromalise or galmourise the purchasing of women's bodies for men's gratification.

RatRolyPoly

Unfortunately there are always people that have to go in all guns blazing and aggressive and ruin what was for many an enjoyable and interesting discussion.

I will hold out to see if there are any more genuine questions (asked politely!) and if not then we’ll end this one here.

Thanks for your input and support though!