Retired lap dancer- ask me anything

[yourprivatedancerEX]

It’s not something I tell new people I meet that for 10 years I used to be a very successful lap dancer. I have a very different career now but often reminisce about my secret lap dancing past, always with fond memories!
I think it’s still something that is frowned upon by many and in my view I think that’s largely down to being misunderstood. So if any of you have any questions I will answer them and hopefully give you some interesting insight into the secret world of lap dancing! Ask away.

[HebeMumsnet]

Morning, everyone. We're going to move this thread over to the new AMA section shortly.

[Greenday49]

I can believe it unfortunately (regarding survivor services).

Knowledge, education and action doesn't seem to be able to keep up with what is happening in society.

Cults have always fascinated me, how much power they can gain over people. That is absolutely horrific, I am pleased now to think back and believe I didn't know any dancers who had fallen prey to that.

Yes I agree regarding pimps. The last pimp I had any involvement with (not the thread for it but a friend's daughter fell prey to him) was a homeless, scruffy drug addict who liked to find young women or girls with vulnerabilities, get them on drugs and get them working the streets either begging or worse). Of course I realise this isn't typical nowadays but having said that, I can imagine he was/is one of many.

The world adapts for changes and criminals aren't an exception to that.

[hoodathunkit]

Greenday49

You seem a very astute woman.

The people (it is man and women) who are exploited in this way (it is sex and labour trafficking) tend to have no idea they have been trafficked.

They believe they are pursuing a spiritual path of complete submission to a guru. The pimp guru in the links I gave is one of many. Sadly this is a growth industry.

The internet plays a large role. In the same way that bank robbery is no longer a crime committed by intelligent criminals, gorilla pimping is not longer something that clever criminals are involved in.

The people used by these cults (men and women) use sex honey traps etc. to recruit new disciples to the cult. As people get further into the cult the abuse becomes more apparent but usually by the time they are compromised and can be blackmailed into increasingly serious criminal activity.

Be aware of it, but also be very careful. Just because this particular group of criminals use a manipulative, soft MO does not men that they cannot get violent, in fact they can be more violent than the gorilla pimps when provoked.

Re recovery - to be honest the services for trafficking survivors are not sufficiently well funded or supported. I am very lucky in that I am a UK citizen, white and with all the privileges that come with it.

I have friends and acquaintances who have been trafficked and who struggle to this day because the support is either not there, or worse people get referred to services where they are offered support from cults, putting them at risk of being exploited all over again.

[Greenday49]

Also I must say, congratulations on your survival and I hope you had/have the support you deserve now.

[Greenday49]

Read, thanks. As I've said I don't think I 've known anyone to whom that has happened to but then, trafficked/enslaved people don't tend to let on about it. I aso assume some of them may not even know they have been trafficked, and if I hear of anything akin to what you describe being discussed, my ears will prick up now (whether at either of my 'works' or otherwise.

I am quite astute with facts about modern slavery and trafficking though, my most recent course being in May.. I wonder if it may be worth mentioning it to agencies I work with. Mostly talk is off carwashes, nail bars, massage parlours etc.

Thread derail, sorry OP!

[hoodathunkit]

also this
www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3477134/Yoga-guru-tried-sex-1-000-virgins-reach-higher-spiritual-level-arrested-Paris-spending-years-run-sleeping-underage-girl.html

excuse the mail link

[hoodathunkit]

Thanks Greenday49
This link should help you look in the right direction
thewip.net/2009/06/15/sex-trafficking-in-europe-a-holistic-front-for-organized-sex-trade/

[hoodathunkit]

For the avoidance of doubt

I just want to say that I think the sex work issue is extremely nuanced and complex.

Some women definitely are able to use sex work to escape poverty and I have met women who have put their kids through private schools on the earnings they made from sex work.

I do believe that it is an extremely hazardous and emotionally polluting field to work in, but then I have been exploited and abused when working in many areas unrelated to sex work.

Some women may experience it as empowering for some of the time but I think for most women it becomes a trap, even if they are earning significant money. It can be very hard to relinquish work that pays so well and it can be addictive in that respect.

FWIW I can imagine really enjoying pole dancing if it was anything like the OP described it as I love to dance and to show off and I love being physically active.

I know many women who have said that they enjoyed the dancing but found other aspects of the work challenging to the point of bing toxic, which sounds right to me.

[Greenday49]

Trafficking for ANY work is far from doing it voluntarily.

I have known pimps (not through dancing however) and yes, they're not what image you get in your head when you think 'pimp'.

I really don't think that while dancing I experienced anything like what you described. I've never known any of the women I worked with mention anything like it.

Of course this doesnt mean it isnt happening, same as we would be astouded to learn our boss/friend/colleague/woman from a local club was being abused in any way if they appear confident and feisty, but it happens.

I find your post very interesting and it has also given me something new to look out for.

[Greenday49]

Not the OP.

Dancer for 10+ years though (not retired).

I've met two that I know of who were enthusiastic about new age beleifs (from memory, reiki,if that is considered to be one,and tarot).

Dont know anyone who did life coach etc but then again, doesn't mean that none of them did or didn't. I find it doubtful though.

Never had a discussion with anyone about yoga, but a lot of them were flexible and could do the splits etc (I am not one of those unfortunatly)!

[hoodathunkit]

Just so you know who I am OP

I am a survivor of trafficking and of torture. I also, after I escaped from my pimp, worked as an escort for a while. It was the only way I knew to make money and I have no time for anyone who claims that enforced sex work / sex trafficking is the same as voluntary sex work. They are completely different things. I have experienced both and I should know. People are welcome to disagree and to hold their own opinion but I maintain that I am entitled to my own opinion based upon my own experience.

I never worked as a dancer, however I have met many women who belong to tantric yoga cults that promote sex work as a spiritual path. Many of these women work in the sex industry, either as strippers, lap dancers, "masseuses" or on live sex video cams. If you were to ask any of these women whether they were trafficked that would laugh in your face and tell you that they love their work and are doing it freely.

The fact that they donate considerable revenue (in some cases everything) to their guru suggests to me that they are being abused.

Pimping can take many different forms. There is the traditional "gorilla pimp" like the man who abused me. A violent, sadistic thug.

However there are many subtle ways of manipulating people and exploiting and abusing them.

Telling women that they are a "goddess" if they "open their heart" to the "divine feminine" and convince them that they are channelling a goddess if they earn money from sex work and give it to a spiritual movement is just a variation of pimping.

I have not been involved in the sex industry for a long time but I know women who are and they tell me that these brainwashed women who believe they are "goddesses" and who give their money to spiritual pimps and gurus are very well represented in strip clubs, lap dance clubs and massage parlours in the UK and overseas.

Some of them work as life coaches, love coaches and intimacy coaches at the same time, or when they retire from lap / pole dancing.

Just interested in your perception really

[AynRandTheObjectivist]

Why are you asking?

[hoodathunkit]

I would be very interested to as the OP the following questions

What percentage of the women working as lap dancers were enthusiastic about yoga?

What percentage of the women working as lap dancers were enthusiastic about new age beliefs e.g. astrology, tarot cards etc.

What percentage of the women went on to train as a life coach or some variant thereof.

obviously I don't expect a completely accurate statistical breakdown, just a rough estimate

thanks

You can ask me why I'm asking if you like

[Greenday49]

Yes, a make up artist hires a stand, a craftsperson hires a stall a barber hires a chair, a dancer hires club space. That's simplified, also the make up artist's money goes toward the custom, toilets, facilities of whatever building etc.

A dancer's fee goes toward the security, music, customers, changing facilities etc etc. Much self employment works this way.

[Allergictoironing]

From what I understand from this thread, the dancers (women) first pay a fee to be let in the door, a fee each and every time they want to work.

That's exactly how much of the beauty industry works, especially hairdressing. They pay for the chair, then a percentage of the charge for the treatment.

[AreThereAnyLumpsInIt]

@waterlego

Also, totally irrelevant and unimportant but I really dislike the use of ‘hating on’ which i have seen on this thread. Hate does not need a preposition, just stop it.

That made me laugh!!!

[waterlego6064]

😆

[waterlego6064]

Sorry, didn’t mean to post that twice!

[waterlego6064]

Sorry, didn’t mean to post that twice!

[RatRolyPoly]

It's not just you yourprivate, it's loads of posters on every thread I'm on at the minute! Guess it must be an MN issue.

[yourprivatedancerEX]

Oops not sure why my posts are coming through twice today.

Sorry about that!

[waterlego6064]

Strip I appreciate your honesty, and your acknowledgment that the industry is part of the problem.

[yourprivatedancerEX]

Large glass oooh your question about songs has reminded me of another funny story!

It was just Past midnight and therefore had just turned April fools. The dj decided to play a trick on the girls and without warning played that song “your mums got a penis” if you’ve never heard of it then YouTube it!

So we were all mid dance in the booths dancing to some nice slow, easy song to dance to and suddenly mid dance it switched to that song! All you could hear was laughter and shock coming from all the booths.

It was a good trick and very funny!

[yourprivatedancerEX]

Large glass oooh your question about songs has reminded me of another funny story!

It was just Past midnight and therefore had just turned April fools. The dj decided to play a trick on the girls and without warning played that song “your mums got a penis” if you’ve never heard of it then YouTube it!

So we were all mid dance in the booths dancing to some nice slow, easy song to dance to and suddenly mid dance it switched to that song! All you could hear was laughter and shock coming from all the booths.

It was a good trick and very funny!