Retired lap dancer- ask me anything

[yourprivatedancerEX]

It’s not something I tell new people I meet that for 10 years I used to be a very successful lap dancer. I have a very different career now but often reminisce about my secret lap dancing past, always with fond memories!
I think it’s still something that is frowned upon by many and in my view I think that’s largely down to being misunderstood. So if any of you have any questions I will answer them and hopefully give you some interesting insight into the secret world of lap dancing! Ask away.

[yourprivatedancerEX]

Noms quality streets

What is your honest opinion of the men who pay for lap dances?

• for single men
• for men in relationships/stag dos
• for married men or men with families and children whose wives and girlfriends would most likely be very upset with or totally disapprove of them doing it

Don’t know if the bold worked or not?

My honest opinion is that it’s a waste of money but no harm caused to anyone so each to their own.

I mean as for men in relationships and with families, only they and their partners can decide what’s acceptable in their relationships, not me. I guess every relationship has its own boundaries of what is and isn’t ok, and that’s not for me to decide or judge.

[WingsOnMyBoots]

Thank you, this is a very interesting thread...

Did you never feel degraded or upset about it?

Would you mind if your teenage daughter did it?

would you mind if your husband/partner regularly visited a lap dance club and had dances?

Or your son?

[TokenBritPoshOfCourse]

Hmm. This really doesn’t match up with the hundreds of documented testimonies from ex dancers.

It honestly reads like a wank fantasy and plays right into the happy hooker thing (yes I know dancers aren’t prostitutes but still).

[yourprivatedancerEX]

The women mostly got on, and many of us are still friends years later.

Hmm that’s a good question, what life advice would I give? I’d say don’t compare yourself to other women, support each other and build each other up. Never do anything you are uncomfortable with. Be confident. Know your boundaries and stand by them. Don’t let anyone make you feel less than you are. Enjoy your life choices and follow them for as long as they make you happy and when they stop making you happy-stop!

[yourprivatedancerEX]

*Hulamelody
*
Did you feel under pressure to change your body in any way ie do a lot of dancers get cosmetic surgery?

I personally didn’t get any surgery, but yes many of the dancers had breast augmentation.

Botox and fillers weren’t really well known about back then so there wasn’t any of that but I suppose that’s probably different now.

[yourprivatedancerEX]

Nobodysmot

Interesting! Glad your stamp is paid for the period you worked there.

I second the questiin 'did you ever see anybody you knew?'

Only the odd occasion but I just stayed out of the way until they had left. It rarely happened as I made sure to work at clubs far enough away from home that it was unlikely people I knew would come in.

[yourprivatedancerEX]

Breakfast at Tiffany’s

If you were self employed, could you offset waxing and tanning against tax? (assuming that you did wax and tan)

Yes you could! You also offset the travel expenses, the house fee, cost of outfits and make up etc.

[yourprivatedancerEX]

Hercules up a tree

How long did it take you to learn pole to a standard you could use in the clubs? I started it for fitness a few months ago so just curios as it is really difficult. Kinda wondering how far the difficulty levels go in the clubs!

How are you enjoying the classes? Lots of bruises I bet! :)

It took a good few months of nightly practise to be honest but it depends on what standard you wanted to get to. Some of the girls preferred to just dance around the pole with a few spinning moves whereas others were true acrobats. I was somewhere in the middle. I could climb, spin, hang upside down without holding on etc but there were some amazing dancers who could do some absolutely awesome stuff.

[yourprivatedancerEX]

Pangalacticgargleblaster

How hard is to stay engaged and ‘look interested’ when talking to some utterly boring customers?

About the same as speaking to boring people in everyday life

[yourprivatedancerEX]

He suits le loup

A couple from me ...
How did you get rid of your hair ?

What kind of background were the girls from ?

Waxing, shaving, laser. All the usual methods!

Backgrounds- all different, some were studying, some were full time, some just wanted a change from the corporate life. So many different people- that’s what made it so interesting.

[yourprivatedancerEX]

Legolimb

What did your family think about what you did for a living?

I can imagine that the older generation would have been disapproving?

Only my mum and my sister knew and they were never negative about it, or at least not to me anyway. If they disapproved then they didn’t say so.

I agree with you though, yes I do think a lot of people do disapprove, and that’s fine, we all have different opinions and views which is why I’m not rising to the people who have commented on this thread with the sole intention of being rude towards me. They don’t know me and if they want to judge me based on one fact that I used to be a lap dancer 10 years ago, then let them!

[yourprivatedancerEX]

Pangalacticgargleblaster

Did you ever have any regular customers who ‘fell in love’ with you? How did you deal with that?

Haha you have some great questions :)

Yes there were one or two over the years but you can’t take it seriously. They would come in on a night out, after a few beers and act besotted but the next day return to their regular lives. No numbers were ever exchanged and there was never any meeting up outside the club.

Eventually they would move and become besotted with another girl- much like many men in normal life! (Joking here, don’t mean to offend anyone!)

[yourprivatedancerEX]

Frosty

How close do you actually get during a dance? I’ve heard stories of dancers putting the cusfomer’s face between their boobs, or the dancer has their vagina mm’s from their face etc.

Yes I heard a few rumours about certain girls that had a reputation for this but it was very very frowned upon and they would basically move from club to club being sacked from each one for breaking the rules.

Most girls weren’t like that. The rules were strict:

• no touching at all
• girls a minimum of a foot away at all times
• (sorry if graphic) no spreading of legs or exposing self in that way
• no touching of self

Some clubs were fully nude and others topless only. Basically it was the equivalent of a live page 3 (in my view)

[yourprivatedancerEX]

Tokenbrit

Hmm. This really doesn’t match up with the hundreds of documented testimonies from ex dancers.

It honestly reads like a wank fantasy and plays right into the happy hooker thing (yes I know dancers aren’t prostitutes but still).


Thanks for your opinion. Sorry if my honest account of my 10 year experience doesn’t match your expectations. Hope you continue to enjoy your day regardless

[FlybirdFly]

My mate is a lap dancer and her experience is pretty much the same. She put both her children through private school as a single mother. It’s not some “happy hooker” trope

[yourprivatedancerEX]

Thank you flybirdfly

[RatRolyPoly]

Hey yourprivatedancerEX, I'm also an ex lap-dancer and have to say your experience is exactly the same as mine. The camaraderie between the girls, the appreciation of each one of us as beautiful in our own way, absolutely no extras (why on earth would you bother?), the enjoyment of dancing, even down to what we'd think of a friend or family member doing it now; you could be writing my story too! I wonder if we ever worked together

[FlybirdFly]

Also my mate agreed with you re the different body types, one of the girls who was small cheated made quite a bit of money as she was ‘niche’ within the clubs. Same as the larger girls etc

[yourprivatedancerEX]

RatRolyPoly

That’s brilliant! I hope we did work together! I always feel us dancers or now ex dancers have a certain underlying bond from our experiences together- don’t you?

[MoreAndLess]

Did you ever worry about the effect on men and how them being able to pay to gawk at women's 'near' naked bodies has on how they view women in general and the view that some men have that women ore objects there for their pleasure?


Also, how many of the women took drugs or drank?

[RatRolyPoly]

I definitely do; and I wasn't a "girls' girl" before I got into dancing either; not even a little bit. The thought of the other girls intimidated me more than the thought of the customers! But on my first night the manager took me up to the changing rooms and I was immediately greeted by smiling, naked women all smearing fake tan on each other's backs with those little foam mits and trying to sort out each others streaks... it was great! It changed my relationship with other women I think, without a shadow of a doubt.

[yourprivatedancerEX]

Moreorless

Most of the women drove so didn’t drink or do drugs. I remember one girl doing drugs in the toilet and she was immediately sacked and banned from the club. The clubs are very protective about their reputations.

As for encouraging men to gawp at women’s bodies. We’ll look around at the world. Music videos. Page 3. Scantily dresses models on adverts and in magazines. Porn mags. It happens every day, everywhere. I don’t think lapdancing is the cause!

[Kezzie200]

Did you pay tax?

[yourprivatedancerEX]

RatRolyPoly

Yesss I remember that well! One of my fave parts of the night was all the girls getting ready together in the changing room beforehand, having a chat and a laugh and helping each other get ready!

I too expected the girls to be really competitive and bitchy but I couldn’t have been more wrong. It’s the absolute opposite to what people think. In fact since leaving, I’ve encountered more bitchiness in offices and ‘normal’ jobs than I ever did in the clubs.

I try not to let it get to me though, and I definitely try not to be a part of it. Like you say, dancing really changes your relationship with women, and yourself for that matter. I know it’s only 9.30 am but cheers mrs!

Hope I’ve not fuelled the assumption that dancers have an alcohol and drug problem with that

[yourprivatedancerEX]

Kezzie

Yes I did.