Retired lap dancer- ask me anything

[yourprivatedancerEX]

It’s not something I tell new people I meet that for 10 years I used to be a very successful lap dancer. I have a very different career now but often reminisce about my secret lap dancing past, always with fond memories!
I think it’s still something that is frowned upon by many and in my view I think that’s largely down to being misunderstood. So if any of you have any questions I will answer them and hopefully give you some interesting insight into the secret world of lap dancing! Ask away.

Being nice just for the money in fairness Sid, it really is all about the money.

There's been a few 'AmA' posts on here recently, damn attention seeking crematorium workers (for example).
I find it fascinating to learn about careers I'd never do. Perhaps there's an element of liking to be asked questions, but if you think this thread is attention seeking, all the other recent AMAs are too.

damn attention seeking crematorium worker

HA HA HA!

And lo and behold here is a former lap dancer looking for attention proving that it is the perfect career for a vain attention seeker

Yup and she got the attention from you. I hope you feel better now, hating on women.

Rolling my eyes so much at the 'feminists' on here. I have come to hate that term so much... rarely do people truly understand the history of feminism, they just bandy the word around Please don't spout off the feminism stuff unless you truly understand what it is...

Trafficking should not come under feminism, nor should rape. Both genders are at risk of these. Lap dancing, strip clubs, table dancing is not responsible for either of these issues.

The OP has had a great experience in the industry. Not only that but she has found a fantastic environment where women lift each other up, look after each other... something I'm afraid this thread has demonstrated that not every woman's capable of. And it's sad. I find that alot of women who like to rip into their fellow woman, berate them or shut them up are actually quite low in confidence and have self esteem issues. They take out their insecurities on the women who are happy and confident.

Love this thread OP, it started off so brilliantly before the Spanish Inquisition started

@daddybegood

'instead you must blame the perpetrator of rape or drug dealing, not the woman who dressed 'seductively' '

^^^ THIS

Such a good post @daddybegood

I really hate the notion that 'rapers gonna rape anyway, so let's just carry on dehumanising and objectifying women'.

As if men buying women and seeing them as nothing more than a set of holes to fuck is just an inevitability that can never be changed so let's just make the most of it.

Yep, all the women who disagree with selling your body to men are deffo ugly and unconfident and jealous. Haterz gonna hate.

That’s the only reason I can think of for objecting.

Oh, wait.

Moonkissed, well some men do, and some men don't. Just the same with women. Surely, you're not implying that all men do okay just because they are male?

Yes, men as a class do better in their careers than women. Have you never heard of the gender pay gap? Men get nearly all the top roles in all the most important jobs and get paid more. And they manage to do it all without taking their clothes off to get their degree or whatever.

And then we have yaffingales delightful anecdote of using lapdancers to help secure business deals as well. Presumably the clients that you are taking to lapdancing clubs are predominantly male. Lovely.

I am fucking sick of the idea that men do all the important stuff and women are just there for decoration, but from reading this thread that idea is alive and well.

And to make clear, I am not blaming lapdancers for men raping women. Men are responsible for their own behaviour. But as I said, I think the claim that there is no link between the commodification and dehumanisation of women, and the way that women are treated by men in society (#metoo etc), is disingenuous and naive.

Ugh, I do find the disapproval of individual lap-dancers to be beyond tiresome. It's so easy to shake your head disapprovingly when the decision to lap-dance is either one you'll literally never feel you have to make or is one you literally couldn't make on account of it not being a job you personally could do.

So what of the women who can personally do it, and for whom it is the best thing they can do for themselves and their families? We aren't/weren't rich kids with trust funds taking our clothes off to make other women's lives harder, we were women doing what we could do, what we personally felt comfortable with with our own bodies and minds to do the best we could do for ourselves at that time. It's all very well to say it's a choice that shouldn't have been made, but if it's a choice that is never going to be presented to you that's coming from a place of incomparable privilege.

And that's not to say we were desperate or exploited either; no more than anyone having to choose between any of the jobs they're able to do is exploited in choosing to do the most lucrative one. And this isn't CEOs choosing to make 5 million instead of 3 by fucking society over; this is women, with far fewer options than most, often bearing the brunt of financial inequality in relationships, the cost of raising children, the lion's share of societal abuse and oppression; the alternative is often disproportionately poor alternative. How much do you expect women to shoulder in their personal lives when it comes to choosing what work they will do if they themselves are comfortable with that work?

And yes, it has been good to reminisce! I didn't realise how much I'd forgotten, but I guess the mind wipes everything that came before once one has kids

I'm a not surprised at this thread tbh, and at the interest in it, lap dancing isn't taboo anymore is it? I don't like it but it's not something word and exotic that I want to know more about.

Tbh I know loads of lap dancers and each and everyone of them is fucked up. None of them would do it if they could make the same money using their brains, I feel sorry for them.

I make a lot of money but I don't have to grind on any sweaty horrible men to get it

A bit surprised! And weird not word!

I make a lot of money but I don't have to grind on any sweaty horrible men to get it

There speaks the voice of privilege.

So RatRolyPoly you are saying that women will only do stripping or lapdancing if they absolutely have to, if they don't have any other choice, if they don't have 'privilege'? Because that's not the vibe I have got from this thread.

I dont necessarily disapprove of individual lapdancers. I disapprove of a society which values women solely on how fuckable they are, and I disapprove of things which glorify that.

I would like to know what 'slutty' means too, sparrow. Genuinely.

Not privileged at all actually, I grew up in and out of care, have been on benefits a couple of times for short periods at certain points in my life. Been a single mother. I'm just clever and hard working if I wasn't I'd probably have to be a lap dancer

So RatRolyPoly you are saying that women will only do stripping or lapdancing if they absolutely have to, if they don't have any other choice, if they don't have 'privilege'? Because that's not the vibe I have got from this thread.

Nope, I specifically didn't say that in my previous post. I said we just made what we considered to be the best choice for ourselves and our families/lives at that time. Some of us will have had more options to do so or not than others, but none of us were forced and none of us chose it completely free of a capitalist society where money pays the bills.

I disapprove of a society that values women solely on how fuckable they are also. I actually think far more strides could be made to rectify this by closing the gender pay gap, sorting out maternity discrimination, encouraging men to be equal carers of children etc. and legislative changes that stop women being so financially disadvantaged in relationships and break-ups. I don't think closing all the lap-dancing clubs would particularly help.

I disapprove of a society that values women solely on how fuckable they are also. I actually think far more strides could be made to rectify this by closing the gender pay gap, sorting out maternity discrimination, encouraging men to be equal carers of children etc. and legislative changes that stop women being so financially disadvantaged in relationships and break-ups. I don't think closing all the lap-dancing clubs would particularly help.

Businesses not taking clients to lapdancing clubs to secure deals would probably help though!

Yep, all the women who disagree with selling your body to men are deffo ugly and unconfident and jealous. Haterz gonna hate.

But why do you feel the need to disagree with someone's CHOICE? She didn't feel degraded. From her experiences, it sounds like there were mostly enjoyable moments.

Why is this about selling her body? She's not offering her Fanjo to all and sundry! It's a show, a performance, on stage, where men and women can watch... women pay men to do it too but we're not seeing any comments about how those men are exploited. Do you disagree with men selling their bodies?

Of course, being forced to do it or being exploited is fundamentally wrong on every level. But that's not the case here.

Women who choose to drag women down because of someone's choice? I hate that and that has been displayed here on quite a vulgar level.

I totally agree with daddydogood. Thanks a lot ladies, it's been an interesting read.

I disapprove of a society that values women solely on how fuckable they are also. I actually think far more strides could be made to rectify this by closing the gender pay gap, sorting out maternity discrimination, encouraging men to be equal carers of children etc. and legislative changes that stop women being so financially disadvantaged in relationships and break-ups.

But it's a bit chicken and egg isn't it? None of those things will happen whilst the prevailing notion is that men do the important stuff and women are there for decoration and men's pleasure, is it?

Do you disagree with men selling their bodies?

Yes. But that happens on a miniscule scale compared to women. And yet, men still come out on top, are empowered, are faced with a plethora of choices which don't involve commodifying their bodies.

Love this thread OP, it started off so brilliantly before the Spanish Inquisition started grin

To be fair, it is a question thread!

Men and women pay for lap dances...

Ok, the thing I’m not getting is that some of the dancers are saying that they consider themselves feminists and are concerned about the way women are treated in society but can’t seem to see that their industry is part of it.

Actually, I think there is one dancer who admitted upthread that she can see the link between her work and poor attitudes to women. Sorry, I can’t remember the poster’s name now but I admire her for having thought the whole thing through a bit more deeply, and for being honest.

Also, totally irrelevant and unimportant but I really dislike the use of ‘hating on’ which i have seen on this thread. Hate does not need a preposition, just stop it.

Not that preposition at any rate.