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Feeling frustrated and sad about my daughter’s three-day suspension.

219 replies

Ffs1234 · 19/10/2026 18:20

My 13-year-old daughter has been given a three day suspension for making a TikTok dance with friends in the school toilets while on break and I’m feeling frustrated and sad about it.
I completely understand the reason for the rule. Filming in toilets raises privacy concerns, and I accept that she broke the rules and should face a consequence…as does she!
According to her, several girls were dancing together and knew they were being recorded. The video wasn’t posted or shared. I know that doesn’t make it acceptable, but I do think the circumstances should matter.
This is her second year of secondary school and she has never been in trouble before and has a really positive school record. She plays sport and has had awards for attendance, won competitions etc. The policy says “up to three days”, so I’m struggling to understand why three days is appropriate for her first incident, but the decision has been made.
I’m not asking for her to get away with it. I am and will support the school in making sure she understands why it was wrong. I just feel disappointed that one lapse in judgement has resulted in three days out of school when she has otherwise consistently behaved well.
Has anyone had a similar experience? Did the school take your child’s previous record into account?
Please go easy I’m disappointed and angry at my dd and this situation, just looking for friendly advice I suppose.

OP posts:
sausageth · 19/10/2026 18:23

Well, she won't do it again will she?

MozzieFreeZone · 19/10/2026 18:24

I’d imagine its because she was filming in the toilets.

CharSiu · 19/10/2026 18:24

I would also punish her at home but I’m old school when it comes to behaviour.

That would be the best thing to do and do not let her know you think it’s not fair.

Would remove her phone and all tech for the 3 days at home and give her a lot of chores and studying.

SnowflakesandSlippers · 19/10/2026 18:24

I think it is because of the severity of the incident, people seem to really underestimate the negative impact of this sort of thing. What device was it filmed on? The main thing is that she knows now that this was very wrong and is unlikely to try anything similar again, it's good that they are trying to protect the children from this I think.

babasaclover · 19/10/2026 18:24

It’s pretty grim to be filming in toilets could be intimidating for others trying to use them but suspect it’s down to not being allowed phones at all during school hours now?

Lougle · 19/10/2026 18:25

Well phones in school are banned now, and filming in toilets is a double whammy. So I can see why they've done it. It's a hard lesson but hopefully she'll learn from it.

Ffs1234 · 19/10/2026 18:26

sausageth · 19/10/2026 18:23

Well, she won't do it again will she?

Obviously I hope not!! I’m annoyed she did it in the first place!

OP posts:
Ffs1234 · 19/10/2026 18:26

MozzieFreeZone · 19/10/2026 18:24

I’d imagine its because she was filming in the toilets.

Yes it is…that’s what I said….

OP posts:
Pancakeflipper · 19/10/2026 18:26

I think the school.are taking a strong stance on this to discourage others thinking it's ok. 2 major rules broken- phone use and toilets.

What's your school.policy regarding phones? Some schools near us have pupils put them in cases for the day. Our school.is considered lenient because it is "turned off phones in bag all day". But they come done heavy who don't follow the rules.

tomorrowfollowstoday · 19/10/2026 18:26

I understand you're sad and disappointed, but what she did was worthy of a serious consequence.

I think you have to back the school here.

spreadandsprinkles · 19/10/2026 18:27

This could have been quite intimidating for other girls in the toilet. I am glad this has been taken seriously.

Ffs1234 · 19/10/2026 18:27

Pancakeflipper · 19/10/2026 18:26

I think the school.are taking a strong stance on this to discourage others thinking it's ok. 2 major rules broken- phone use and toilets.

What's your school.policy regarding phones? Some schools near us have pupils put them in cases for the day. Our school.is considered lenient because it is "turned off phones in bag all day". But they come done heavy who don't follow the rules.

Yes same as yours, turned off and in bag.

OP posts:
Lomonald · 19/10/2026 18:28

She was filming in toilets i imagine the school.has zero policy on this, i am sure she will be fine and not do it again, if she was mine I would take her devices off her for the duration of the suspension, to show you support the school at home.

Ffs1234 · 19/10/2026 18:28

spreadandsprinkles · 19/10/2026 18:27

This could have been quite intimidating for other girls in the toilet. I am glad this has been taken seriously.

There were no other classes out they were on a movement break mid class so it was just her and some girls from her class…but yeah I TOTALLY AGREE! And I have explained that to her

OP posts:
Ffs1234 · 19/10/2026 18:28

tomorrowfollowstoday · 19/10/2026 18:26

I understand you're sad and disappointed, but what she did was worthy of a serious consequence.

I think you have to back the school here.

I am…I said as much her but I’m allowed to be frustrated internally I suppose

OP posts:
EricTheHalfASleeve · 19/10/2026 18:29

You need to delete tiktok - to be honest I'm shocked that you don't seem that fussed about this. Filming young girls in the toilets with the intent of posting it to the internet is basically making content for sleazy men worldwide.

Lomonald · 19/10/2026 18:29

Ffs1234 · 19/10/2026 18:28

I am…I said as much her but I’m allowed to be frustrated internally I suppose

Are you frustrated with her or school ? Or a bit of both.

Ffs1234 · 19/10/2026 18:30

CharSiu · 19/10/2026 18:24

I would also punish her at home but I’m old school when it comes to behaviour.

That would be the best thing to do and do not let her know you think it’s not fair.

Would remove her phone and all tech for the 3 days at home and give her a lot of chores and studying.

Yes I will be doing this! I will be asking the school for whatever homework will be set too

OP posts:
Ffs1234 · 19/10/2026 18:30

Lomonald · 19/10/2026 18:29

Are you frustrated with her or school ? Or a bit of both.

Both! Mostly at her tbh…

OP posts:
SingingShrews · 19/10/2026 18:30

My dd is a quiet girl, never been in any trouble blah, blah, blah. Then when she was 13 she landed herself a 3 day suspension. She was stupid, she knows she was. We stood with the school when talking to her about it, she did something stupid, these were the consequences, think before you act next time. Inwardly like you I thought it was a bit much but what can you do really?

What I wanted to say though is that dd is 17 now, she is still the great girl she was before she got suspended, she has never gotten into trouble since, it didn't change the teachers opinion on her, they all still thought and do still think that she is 'a little ray of sunshine', she is well liked by staff and students, doing great academically and socially etc etc

It felt really big at the moment that it happened, dd getting suspended, it wasn't something I ever thought we would have to even think about but now it's kind of funny to think of little 13 year old dd being suspended, it's so out of character for her.

Back up the school and remember that this doesn't change anything about your dd, she is still a great girl just one who did a silly thing. It shouldn't change how she is viewed at school either. A few months down the line and you'll forget it even happened.

Ffs1234 · 19/10/2026 18:30

EricTheHalfASleeve · 19/10/2026 18:29

You need to delete tiktok - to be honest I'm shocked that you don't seem that fussed about this. Filming young girls in the toilets with the intent of posting it to the internet is basically making content for sleazy men worldwide.

She only has a private account that she uses. Nothing was posted. It wasn’t live as such…

OP posts:
Lougle · 19/10/2026 18:31

Ffs1234 · 19/10/2026 18:28

There were no other classes out they were on a movement break mid class so it was just her and some girls from her class…but yeah I TOTALLY AGREE! And I have explained that to her

Unfortunately that makes it even worse. They were trusted to have a movement break and decided to film a TikTok video in that time.

Harassedmum123 · 19/10/2026 18:31

For what it’s worth I would also feel it was excessive as a first offence. At our school, punching a student gets a one day suspension. Three days does feel extreme to be honest. I’m sure she has learnt her lesson but three days is a lot.

IPM · 19/10/2026 18:31

Her previous behaviour has nothing to do with this OP.

The school will have no idea whether that video has been shared/posted and how many times either.

If they don't come down hard on this sort of thing, it takes minutes for videos to go viral.

Nofeckingway · 19/10/2026 18:33

Just because she is normally well behaved , this is not good behaviour. It's called a first offense . Please back up the school on this . Don't teach that you should challenge authority because you in your opinion it's unfair . It's not . I do sympathise as it happened to me too and I wanted to intervene but soo glad I didn't.

Don't let her just stay at home watching TV though . All the girls that were suspended with my DD said their mothers set them daily tasks and their houses were spotlessly clean . 😀

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