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Feeling frustrated and sad about my daughter’s three-day suspension.

219 replies

Ffs1234 · 19/10/2026 18:20

My 13-year-old daughter has been given a three day suspension for making a TikTok dance with friends in the school toilets while on break and I’m feeling frustrated and sad about it.
I completely understand the reason for the rule. Filming in toilets raises privacy concerns, and I accept that she broke the rules and should face a consequence…as does she!
According to her, several girls were dancing together and knew they were being recorded. The video wasn’t posted or shared. I know that doesn’t make it acceptable, but I do think the circumstances should matter.
This is her second year of secondary school and she has never been in trouble before and has a really positive school record. She plays sport and has had awards for attendance, won competitions etc. The policy says “up to three days”, so I’m struggling to understand why three days is appropriate for her first incident, but the decision has been made.
I’m not asking for her to get away with it. I am and will support the school in making sure she understands why it was wrong. I just feel disappointed that one lapse in judgement has resulted in three days out of school when she has otherwise consistently behaved well.
Has anyone had a similar experience? Did the school take your child’s previous record into account?
Please go easy I’m disappointed and angry at my dd and this situation, just looking for friendly advice I suppose.

OP posts:
Ffs1234 · 19/10/2026 18:33

SingingShrews · 19/10/2026 18:30

My dd is a quiet girl, never been in any trouble blah, blah, blah. Then when she was 13 she landed herself a 3 day suspension. She was stupid, she knows she was. We stood with the school when talking to her about it, she did something stupid, these were the consequences, think before you act next time. Inwardly like you I thought it was a bit much but what can you do really?

What I wanted to say though is that dd is 17 now, she is still the great girl she was before she got suspended, she has never gotten into trouble since, it didn't change the teachers opinion on her, they all still thought and do still think that she is 'a little ray of sunshine', she is well liked by staff and students, doing great academically and socially etc etc

It felt really big at the moment that it happened, dd getting suspended, it wasn't something I ever thought we would have to even think about but now it's kind of funny to think of little 13 year old dd being suspended, it's so out of character for her.

Back up the school and remember that this doesn't change anything about your dd, she is still a great girl just one who did a silly thing. It shouldn't change how she is viewed at school either. A few months down the line and you'll forget it even happened.

Edited

Thank you. To be honest, the teacher said over and over again. She is a lovely girl. She’s very pleasant and she doesn’t want to be having this conversation but obviously can’t make any exceptions as much as she would like to. I totally got it. I said as much to the teacher. I’ve not minimising and I didn’t in anyway. I just questioned the wording in the behaviour policy as it said “up to 3 days” but anyway.

OP posts:
Ffs1234 · 19/10/2026 18:34

IPM · 19/10/2026 18:31

Her previous behaviour has nothing to do with this OP.

The school will have no idea whether that video has been shared/posted and how many times either.

If they don't come down hard on this sort of thing, it takes minutes for videos to go viral.

She showed them and me that it wasn’t shared.they were caught mid recording so it was deleted/discarded

OP posts:
WallaceinAnderland · 19/10/2026 18:34

Are you asking for help to deal with your anger and frustration at your DD?

Just accept that the school have dealt with it and move on. She knows that you're annoyed with her, that's enough, don't hold a grudge.

MrsKateColumbo · 19/10/2026 18:35

op she's a kid, kids do stupid things because they dont think things through. She was thinking "I want to film my friends and I doing a silly dance", the suspension will help her think in the future "are there any reasons why I shouldn't do this or this specific location is wildly inappropriate".

Some teens at my (grammar!) School went a bit wild on muck up day and got banned from sitting gcses! At least your dd has learned her lesson nice and early!

She's been a wally and it's good she's learned an important lesson.

Lomonald · 19/10/2026 18:35

Ffs1234 · 19/10/2026 18:30

Both! Mostly at her tbh…

Hopefully she learns or at least doesn't get caught again,

Ffs1234 · 19/10/2026 18:36

Nofeckingway · 19/10/2026 18:33

Just because she is normally well behaved , this is not good behaviour. It's called a first offense . Please back up the school on this . Don't teach that you should challenge authority because you in your opinion it's unfair . It's not . I do sympathise as it happened to me too and I wanted to intervene but soo glad I didn't.

Don't let her just stay at home watching TV though . All the girls that were suspended with my DD said their mothers set them daily tasks and their houses were spotlessly clean . 😀

I’m not teaching her that I challenged them. But I am showing her thar I care enough to go in and talk about it. I told her from the asset that I’m not condoning, minimising or colluding with her. But I am her mother so I will support her.

OP posts:
SereneFinch · 19/10/2026 18:37

You know, if she is normally a good child then they may have come down on her a bit harder than someone who is regularly in trouble. A nip it in the bud, give her a good scare type of thing?

Ffs1234 · 19/10/2026 18:37

MrsKateColumbo · 19/10/2026 18:35

op she's a kid, kids do stupid things because they dont think things through. She was thinking "I want to film my friends and I doing a silly dance", the suspension will help her think in the future "are there any reasons why I shouldn't do this or this specific location is wildly inappropriate".

Some teens at my (grammar!) School went a bit wild on muck up day and got banned from sitting gcses! At least your dd has learned her lesson nice and early!

She's been a wally and it's good she's learned an important lesson.

A big Wally and I have said this to her!!! Thank you.

OP posts:
FillerTrackOnTheAlbumOfLife · 19/10/2026 18:37

Have the other girls involved also been suspended or otherwise punished?

Ffs1234 · 19/10/2026 18:38

SereneFinch · 19/10/2026 18:37

You know, if she is normally a good child then they may have come down on her a bit harder than someone who is regularly in trouble. A nip it in the bud, give her a good scare type of thing?

yes, it’s no harm I suppose, it makes an example for others…

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hunchicklove · 19/10/2026 18:38

I am shocked by the responses quite frankly.

No, OP’s daughter shouldn’t have done it. Am fairly certain she won’t do it again.

However, 1 day suspension would surely suffice.

Whatever happened to fun?

Loos maybe grim but dancing and filming a dance by teenage girls doesn’t in my opinion warrant a 3 day suspension NOR the negative comments on this thread.

OP your daughter sounds amazing and I hope she continues to do well in school AND have fun.

Ffs1234 · 19/10/2026 18:38

FillerTrackOnTheAlbumOfLife · 19/10/2026 18:37

Have the other girls involved also been suspended or otherwise punished?

Nope because it was her phone

OP posts:
Ffs1234 · 19/10/2026 18:39

hunchicklove · 19/10/2026 18:38

I am shocked by the responses quite frankly.

No, OP’s daughter shouldn’t have done it. Am fairly certain she won’t do it again.

However, 1 day suspension would surely suffice.

Whatever happened to fun?

Loos maybe grim but dancing and filming a dance by teenage girls doesn’t in my opinion warrant a 3 day suspension NOR the negative comments on this thread.

OP your daughter sounds amazing and I hope she continues to do well in school AND have fun.

Thank you 😭

OP posts:
WallaceinAnderland · 19/10/2026 18:40

I expect it's 3 days because of multiple rule breaks. Whatever, just support the school OP. It will be in your DD's best interests in the long run.

ItsABatFaceThing · 19/10/2026 18:40

God I couldn’t get too excited about this in terms of further punishments. She’s a good kid usually and she’s just doing what all these young girls like to do.

its a lesson to her, she won’t do it again, I’d say my piece to her and then move on. Seems heavy handed of the school to me but then, I understand they need to clamp down hard on this nonsense

just get it out the way with, ensure she understands why they school have done it and just move on

Ffs1234 · 19/10/2026 18:40

WallaceinAnderland · 19/10/2026 18:34

Are you asking for help to deal with your anger and frustration at your DD?

Just accept that the school have dealt with it and move on. She knows that you're annoyed with her, that's enough, don't hold a grudge.

Yeah, I have a tendency to catastrophise so in my head now this is going to lead down a slippery slope to the delinquency… I know I should calm down!

OP posts:
Ffs1234 · 19/10/2026 18:41

WallaceinAnderland · 19/10/2026 18:40

I expect it's 3 days because of multiple rule breaks. Whatever, just support the school OP. It will be in your DD's best interests in the long run.

I am.

OP posts:
ExtraHotDoubleShot · 19/10/2026 18:41

Isn’t it illegal for her to have TikTok?

Hopefulsalmon · 19/10/2026 18:41

Try and see this as a positive. A serious punishment may be enough of a shock to ensure your daughter doesn't do it again; a wishy washy response wouldn't have the same impact. Plus you now know the school takes pupil safety seriously.
I imagine it's a nightmare for schools having to constantly deal with these issues.

Ffs1234 · 19/10/2026 18:42

ExtraHotDoubleShot · 19/10/2026 18:41

Isn’t it illegal for her to have TikTok?

We are not in uk.

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Thisusernameisalwaysavailable · 19/10/2026 18:42

FAFO lesson learned.

FillerTrackOnTheAlbumOfLife · 19/10/2026 18:43

Ffs1234 · 19/10/2026 18:38

Nope because it was her phone

Hmm, that bit strikes me as unfair to be honest - if they were all taking part in the dance and your daughter happened to be the one filming it. It was fair that a punishment should happen and that it should be in line with the school's published policy, but all the girls involved should have been punished in my opinion.

Ffs1234 · 19/10/2026 18:43

Hopefulsalmon · 19/10/2026 18:41

Try and see this as a positive. A serious punishment may be enough of a shock to ensure your daughter doesn't do it again; a wishy washy response wouldn't have the same impact. Plus you now know the school takes pupil safety seriously.
I imagine it's a nightmare for schools having to constantly deal with these issues.

Total nightmare tbh! It was so much easier in my day even!

OP posts:
Tulipvase · 19/10/2026 18:43

She wouldn’t have got 3 days for that in my school.

Ffs1234 · 19/10/2026 18:44

FillerTrackOnTheAlbumOfLife · 19/10/2026 18:43

Hmm, that bit strikes me as unfair to be honest - if they were all taking part in the dance and your daughter happened to be the one filming it. It was fair that a punishment should happen and that it should be in line with the school's published policy, but all the girls involved should have been punished in my opinion.

Yeah, you know that didn’t even cross my mind. She was worried that she would be asked who was in there she didn’t want to be telling on anyone, but she wasn’t asked.

OP posts: