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Feeling frustrated and sad about my daughter’s three-day suspension.

219 replies

Ffs1234 · 19/10/2026 18:20

My 13-year-old daughter has been given a three day suspension for making a TikTok dance with friends in the school toilets while on break and I’m feeling frustrated and sad about it.
I completely understand the reason for the rule. Filming in toilets raises privacy concerns, and I accept that she broke the rules and should face a consequence…as does she!
According to her, several girls were dancing together and knew they were being recorded. The video wasn’t posted or shared. I know that doesn’t make it acceptable, but I do think the circumstances should matter.
This is her second year of secondary school and she has never been in trouble before and has a really positive school record. She plays sport and has had awards for attendance, won competitions etc. The policy says “up to three days”, so I’m struggling to understand why three days is appropriate for her first incident, but the decision has been made.
I’m not asking for her to get away with it. I am and will support the school in making sure she understands why it was wrong. I just feel disappointed that one lapse in judgement has resulted in three days out of school when she has otherwise consistently behaved well.
Has anyone had a similar experience? Did the school take your child’s previous record into account?
Please go easy I’m disappointed and angry at my dd and this situation, just looking for friendly advice I suppose.

OP posts:
IPM · 19/10/2026 18:45

Ffs1234 · 19/10/2026 18:34

She showed them and me that it wasn’t shared.they were caught mid recording so it was deleted/discarded

Her intention was to share the video despite the school rules.

The fact she was caught mid recording is just luck.

Be disappointed in her, but not in the school's 3 day suspension which is pretty lenient for filming in a toilet anyway!

TheBlueKoala · 19/10/2026 18:45

@Ffs1234 don't worry! It's not like she did something like stealing, bullying, hitting etc. She danced! Obviously you should keep your stern face on infront of her but since she's normally such a good kid I think that you should relax- she broke a rule and will get punished. It will be forgotten in a couple of weeks.

ProudCat · 19/10/2026 18:45

Ffs1234 · 19/10/2026 18:38

Nope because it was her phone

That's why it's up to 3 days. Not only was she messing around in the toilets during lesson time, her phone was out of her bag, switched on and filming.

As it goes, it quite unusual for a teacher to let several children out of class all at once as this means they have to stop teaching. It also sounds like your DD was away for a while as she was able, with friends, to come up with a relatively complicated plan and be part way through executing it. Movement breaks are usually solo and 3-5 minutes.

Minasama · 19/10/2026 18:46

My husband and I were incredibly down about a three-day suspension our daughter received for vaping (but cbd vaping) in the toilets at school. It is very upsetting when you were always “good” at school.
However it seems to have taught her a lesson. I don’t think she realised it was not a normal vape and not legal. It was sad as she just wante to fit in and have friends.

Best thing you can do is not give mixed messages, then hopefully she won’t do it again. The school did say that when it comes to sixth form etc they will vouch for good behaviour since, assuming behaviour is good.

maddiemookins16mum · 19/10/2026 18:46

Your disappointment with her is clouding your judgement probably because she’s a decent kid from the sound of things. Teens make mistakes, she’ll learn from this. Move on, accept the punishment and honestly in a few weeks it will be a distant memory but a life lesson learnt.

MozzieFreeZone · 19/10/2026 18:47

@TheBlueKoala
She was filming in school toilets. That could well become a pathway to bullying behaviour.

Ffs1234 · 19/10/2026 18:47

ProudCat · 19/10/2026 18:45

That's why it's up to 3 days. Not only was she messing around in the toilets during lesson time, her phone was out of her bag, switched on and filming.

As it goes, it quite unusual for a teacher to let several children out of class all at once as this means they have to stop teaching. It also sounds like your DD was away for a while as she was able, with friends, to come up with a relatively complicated plan and be part way through executing it. Movement breaks are usually solo and 3-5 minutes.

Yeah, the movement break was only a couple of minutes. They know these dances off by heart 🫣 it’s bloody ridiculous…

OP posts:
madaboutpurple · 19/10/2026 18:48

Rules are needed. Your daughter broke them. Hopefully she knows now why this rule was put in place.I think the school are right to impose a punishment.

peckishcats · 19/10/2026 18:48

Ffs1234 · 19/10/2026 18:38

Nope because it was her phone

Whose idea was it to do the filming - hers, or someone else?

SnowflakesandSlippers · 19/10/2026 18:49

Just a thought but have you asked her if she's done anything like this before? It's possible this is just the first time she has been caught, I'd want to know that so I can make sure she understands how dangerous this could be from a safeguarding perspective.

Ffs1234 · 19/10/2026 18:49

peckishcats · 19/10/2026 18:48

Whose idea was it to do the filming - hers, or someone else?

Well, it was entirely on her for having the phone on. Doesn’t matter whether Someone said let’s do a dance imo. She was being stupid.

OP posts:
Ffs1234 · 19/10/2026 18:50

SnowflakesandSlippers · 19/10/2026 18:49

Just a thought but have you asked her if she's done anything like this before? It's possible this is just the first time she has been caught, I'd want to know that so I can make sure she understands how dangerous this could be from a safeguarding perspective.

Yes she said lots of people do it. 🙄🙄 I have explained that that doesn’t make it okay nor it doesn’t make it right. And that she’s not to do it again.

OP posts:
WhitegreeNcandle · 19/10/2026 18:53

Ffs1234 · 19/10/2026 18:28

There were no other classes out they were on a movement break mid class so it was just her and some girls from her class…but yeah I TOTALLY AGREE! And I have explained that to her

Even worse.

No 13 year old should have access to TikTok
No 13 year old should be filming themselves in the loo

But on a movement break from an actual lesson? Dear Lord I think she needs some boundaries.

GladThatILiveAmIThatTheSkyIsBlue · 19/10/2026 18:55

She showed them and me that it wasn’t shared.they were caught mid recording so it was deleted/discarded

Was her intention to share it, then?

TheLadyGardening · 19/10/2026 18:55

Friendly advice? Don’t let her take her phone to school. She won’t be so foolish then.

Ffs1234 · 19/10/2026 18:57

WhitegreeNcandle · 19/10/2026 18:53

Even worse.

No 13 year old should have access to TikTok
No 13 year old should be filming themselves in the loo

But on a movement break from an actual lesson? Dear Lord I think she needs some boundaries.

Okay, but we are not in the UK. Most teenagers here still have TikTok…

OP posts:
Ffs1234 · 19/10/2026 18:58

GladThatILiveAmIThatTheSkyIsBlue · 19/10/2026 18:55

She showed them and me that it wasn’t shared.they were caught mid recording so it was deleted/discarded

Was her intention to share it, then?

publicly? No she doesn’t share anything publicly, between her and her friends in the video privately…possibly. I haven’t asked her that tbh. But I will.

OP posts:
SnowflakesandSlippers · 19/10/2026 18:59

Ffs1234 · 19/10/2026 18:57

Okay, but we are not in the UK. Most teenagers here still have TikTok…

It's probably best to get rid of it either way.

Sometimessmiling · 19/10/2026 19:00

Ffs1234 · 19/10/2026 18:26

Obviously I hope not!! I’m annoyed she did it in the first place!

We know social media is a big problem for young people, bullying, feeling inadequate etc I think the school probably is clamping down hard on this
Good on the school.... hope you are punishing her too

Lomonald · 19/10/2026 19:00

Ffs1234 · 19/10/2026 18:49

Well, it was entirely on her for having the phone on. Doesn’t matter whether Someone said let’s do a dance imo. She was being stupid.

She was being 13 , she isn't a bad kid just daft, i found my Dds brains turned to mush and did stupid things with their friends at 13/14,

Ffs1234 · 19/10/2026 19:01

Sometimessmiling · 19/10/2026 19:00

We know social media is a big problem for young people, bullying, feeling inadequate etc I think the school probably is clamping down hard on this
Good on the school.... hope you are punishing her too

Yes I am.

OP posts:
TwinklyRoseTurtle · 19/10/2026 19:04

I think some of these responses are abit dramatic considering they were the only girls in the toilets. I think a detention would have been more appropriate tbh. I can understand your frustration OP. I think suspension should be for serious incidents only such as fighting, bullying, etc

Ffs1234 · 19/10/2026 19:05

TwinklyRoseTurtle · 19/10/2026 19:04

I think some of these responses are abit dramatic considering they were the only girls in the toilets. I think a detention would have been more appropriate tbh. I can understand your frustration OP. I think suspension should be for serious incidents only such as fighting, bullying, etc

Edited

Yeah, this is partly where my frustration is. Two boys boys fighting last week got one day…🙄 I had to hold my tongue on that one.

OP posts:
Ffs1234 · 19/10/2026 19:06

Lomonald · 19/10/2026 19:00

She was being 13 , she isn't a bad kid just daft, i found my Dds brains turned to mush and did stupid things with their friends at 13/14,

When does it turn back solid? 🤣🤣

OP posts:
BaobhanSith · 19/10/2026 19:06

Ffs1234 · 19/10/2026 18:57

Okay, but we are not in the UK. Most teenagers here still have TikTok…

She's 13 and you clearly aren't supervising her phone use. 3 days is lenient. Should be a week and phone confiscated for the term.

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