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Feeling frustrated and sad about my daughter’s three-day suspension.

219 replies

Ffs1234 · 19/10/2026 18:20

My 13-year-old daughter has been given a three day suspension for making a TikTok dance with friends in the school toilets while on break and I’m feeling frustrated and sad about it.
I completely understand the reason for the rule. Filming in toilets raises privacy concerns, and I accept that she broke the rules and should face a consequence…as does she!
According to her, several girls were dancing together and knew they were being recorded. The video wasn’t posted or shared. I know that doesn’t make it acceptable, but I do think the circumstances should matter.
This is her second year of secondary school and she has never been in trouble before and has a really positive school record. She plays sport and has had awards for attendance, won competitions etc. The policy says “up to three days”, so I’m struggling to understand why three days is appropriate for her first incident, but the decision has been made.
I’m not asking for her to get away with it. I am and will support the school in making sure she understands why it was wrong. I just feel disappointed that one lapse in judgement has resulted in three days out of school when she has otherwise consistently behaved well.
Has anyone had a similar experience? Did the school take your child’s previous record into account?
Please go easy I’m disappointed and angry at my dd and this situation, just looking for friendly advice I suppose.

OP posts:
Sunlightonapool · 20/10/2026 10:45

Schools need to be strict about this. It's the only way. Give her a phone ban at home too for a while to reinforce this point

Mossyfox · 20/10/2026 10:46

On the face of it I think it's quite a harsh punishment. But they know it's against the rules so why did they do it. I'd try and find out. Did she not really want to but got coerced into it.

NiceCupOfChai · 20/10/2026 10:50

Megifer · 20/10/2026 10:33

They were involved and messing around in the toilets when they shouldnt have been. Id expect some sort of punishment on that basis which is partly why i think its a bit harsh on op's DD.

Tbf my DS school, for their faults, would look at the context and see it was sillines. But this school decided on the 3 days so it it what it is. Id still make it known to my DC i thought it was harsh but its also not the situation where kicking off is going to change it, nor is it worth it, so just deal with it.

I think you've missed the point. Yes they were all messing around but the OP’s daughter wasn’t punished for “messing around” she was punished for 1) having her
phone out in school and 2) using it to film other children.

sittingonabeach · 20/10/2026 10:54

Megifer · 20/10/2026 10:44

Cool.

I'm absolutely fine with them looking at the wider context.

Have you got proof this is how they would view it, have you read their behaviour policy (especially if the school is impacted by the new guidance on phones in school)

Megifer · 20/10/2026 11:03

sittingonabeach · 20/10/2026 10:54

Have you got proof this is how they would view it, have you read their behaviour policy (especially if the school is impacted by the new guidance on phones in school)

Yes I have proof, experience of them doing so, and it is in their behaviour policy, so its all good 👍

sittingonabeach · 20/10/2026 11:08

Megifer · 20/10/2026 11:03

Yes I have proof, experience of them doing so, and it is in their behaviour policy, so its all good 👍

So their behaviour policy states filming in toilets is okay

Megifer · 20/10/2026 11:13

sittingonabeach · 20/10/2026 11:08

So their behaviour policy states filming in toilets is okay

Im unsure how you reached that conclusion, but no it doesnt.

sittingonabeach · 20/10/2026 11:23

Megifer · 20/10/2026 11:13

Im unsure how you reached that conclusion, but no it doesnt.

You said it was in their behaviour policy when I asked how it would be treated

Megifer · 20/10/2026 11:29

sittingonabeach · 20/10/2026 11:23

You said it was in their behaviour policy when I asked how it would be treated

I said they look at wider context of situations.

Absolutely nothing was said about filming being allowed in toilets.

sittingonabeach · 20/10/2026 11:31

Megifer · 20/10/2026 11:29

I said they look at wider context of situations.

Absolutely nothing was said about filming being allowed in toilets.

What are their rules on phones, has it been updated since September?

Megifer · 20/10/2026 11:54

sittingonabeach · 20/10/2026 11:31

What are their rules on phones, has it been updated since September?

Umm sure, phones in bags, but I can check for you later if its been updated if you really need to know. Do you want me to supply the original policy date or just the revision date? 😂

sittingonabeach · 20/10/2026 11:58

Megifer · 20/10/2026 11:54

Umm sure, phones in bags, but I can check for you later if its been updated if you really need to know. Do you want me to supply the original policy date or just the revision date? 😂

I would just be amazed (depending on where you are) that schools won't have tightened up their rules about phones being out and used following Government guidance

Megifer · 20/10/2026 12:17

sittingonabeach · 20/10/2026 11:58

I would just be amazed (depending on where you are) that schools won't have tightened up their rules about phones being out and used following Government guidance

Its been reviewed but is still the same - phones in bags. 15 min detention if caught. Then it refers to their separate behaviour policy where it seems to come under the general section about not following school rules and punishment level depending on the circumstances (no change to this policy)

AllTheChicken · 20/10/2026 18:21

Ffs1234 · 19/10/2026 21:09

They are let out to the toilets…the whole class. It’s not that hard to understand. The teacher was going between the boys and girls toilets maybe. I know there’s toilet stewards also.

Edited

As a teacher, this is hard to understand! They allow 24-30 students roam the corridors freely during a movement break? Or do you mean a normal break/recess?

hunchicklove · 20/10/2026 19:54

Missey85 · 20/10/2026 09:53

Would it still be fun if it was your daughter she was filming on the toilet without her consent? Good on the school for doing something about it

FFS no one has said anything about anyone being on the loo and actually being filmed!

sittingonabeach · 20/10/2026 20:56

hunchicklove · 20/10/2026 19:54

FFS no one has said anything about anyone being on the loo and actually being filmed!

But that is why schools ban phones from toilet areas and any filming is severely punished. Obviously if anyone was filmed on the toilet that would be permanent exclusion and possibly police involved

Pieceofpurplesky · 20/10/2026 23:00

AllTheChicken · 20/10/2026 18:21

As a teacher, this is hard to understand! They allow 24-30 students roam the corridors freely during a movement break? Or do you mean a normal break/recess?

As a high school teacher what I don't understand is if it was just that class that was given a movement break - never known that happen in a high school for just one class.

Seajaye · 21/10/2026 05:23

Check the school disciplinary policies for breaking the school rules and that should explain why she got a 3 day suspension. There are some rules, like use of phones and filming other children, which are treated as very serious breaches and don't qualify for any leniency or mitigation for a first breach.

I think you and your daughter have to accept the consequences unless you can prove the punishment was unduly harsh when measured against the policies.The main thing is that's she's learned a valuable lesson and hopefully won't break any other rules while she's at the school

. By all means ask the school for details of what work she is missing and try to 'home school' her by making her do similar work at home.

sittingonabeach · 21/10/2026 06:59

Seajaye · 21/10/2026 05:23

Check the school disciplinary policies for breaking the school rules and that should explain why she got a 3 day suspension. There are some rules, like use of phones and filming other children, which are treated as very serious breaches and don't qualify for any leniency or mitigation for a first breach.

I think you and your daughter have to accept the consequences unless you can prove the punishment was unduly harsh when measured against the policies.The main thing is that's she's learned a valuable lesson and hopefully won't break any other rules while she's at the school

. By all means ask the school for details of what work she is missing and try to 'home school' her by making her do similar work at home.

OP said the behaviour policy stated up to 3 days for this particular behaviour

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