Support needed for vulnerable 17-year-old possibly trying to get pregnant

llost · 2026-07-24T10:45:06+00:00

I’m feeling desperate and don’t know what else to do. I suspect my 17-year-old daughter is trying to get pregnant. Over the past few days I’ve found at least 12 pregnancy tests. Every time I ask her about them, she insists they aren’t hers but I don’t believe that. She has significant mental health difficulties and has become very involved with her boyfriend over the last couple of months. She’s written letters and “manifestations” saying that he will be her husband. He’s only 16. Realistically, I can’t see him being ready for marriage or parenthood and I’m terrified that she’s making decisions based on fantasy rather than reality. I’ve raised my concerns with both her social worker and CAMHS. They both keep telling me that it’s her choice. I understand that she has rights and that I can’t control her but it feels like nobody is acknowledging the context of her mental health or how vulnerable she is.

starballoons · 24/07/2026 11:46

Do you have contact details for his parents? I would get in touch with them and let them know so they can warn their son. If he doesn’t want to be a father then it’s best that they don’t have sex because she’s probably saying that she’s on birth control to him unless he’s in on it!

TryingnotTobeBoring · 24/07/2026 11:48

starballoons · 24/07/2026 11:46

Do you have contact details for his parents? I would get in touch with them and let them know so they can warn their son. If he doesn’t want to be a father then it’s best that they don’t have sex because she’s probably saying that she’s on birth control to him unless he’s in on it!

This will break trust.

my advice would be to spend as much time as possible with her, don’t approach her with judgement but instead try to get her to open up. She may have reasons for doing this that expose a deeper vulnerability. She may want to feel loved or important and thinks that the attention around a pregnancy would achieve that. There could be multiple motivations.

You need to make her feel as safe and not judged as possible. The more time you spend with her the less time she will be out ttc as well.

Original poster

llost · 24/07/2026 12:07

starballoons · 24/07/2026 11:46

Do you have contact details for his parents? I would get in touch with them and let them know so they can warn their son. If he doesn’t want to be a father then it’s best that they don’t have sex because she’s probably saying that she’s on birth control to him unless he’s in on it!

I have tried talking to his parents before saying I am not happy for DD to stay overnight. They aren’t interested. They said they didn’t want any contact with me.

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Original poster

llost · 24/07/2026 12:09

TryingnotTobeBoring · 24/07/2026 11:48

This will break trust.

my advice would be to spend as much time as possible with her, don’t approach her with judgement but instead try to get her to open up. She may have reasons for doing this that expose a deeper vulnerability. She may want to feel loved or important and thinks that the attention around a pregnancy would achieve that. There could be multiple motivations.

You need to make her feel as safe and not judged as possible. The more time you spend with her the less time she will be out ttc as well.

Show quote history

I know she would hate me for doing this. I spoke to the mum once and DD stopped talking to me for quite a while and said she hated me.

i would be happy to spend more time with her but she spends nearly all her time at his house. I keep offering to take her out, she says yes but it never materialises.

I have told her I am not judging her and that I just want to help her. She continues to deny that any of the pregnancy tests are hers.

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PollyBell · 24/07/2026 12:09

It is easy for them saying its her choice you will be the one stuck with the baby i presume

ToKittyornottoKitty · 24/07/2026 12:10

Other than supporting her there’s nothing else you can do, as the professionals have already told you, it’s her choice. I understand the concern but I think it could be better to try and be a bit neutral with her so you can have open discussions about it and maybe talk about contraception.

How have you seen these letters, has she shown them to you? Could the pregnancy tests belong to anyone else?

PropertyD · 24/07/2026 12:11

Its all very well saying its her choice...

Who will look after any babies. Bet it wont be her...

Who will be paying for this decision of hers? Bet she doesnt think like that

ToKittyornottoKitty · 24/07/2026 12:11

PollyBell · 24/07/2026 12:09

It is easy for them saying its her choice you will be the one stuck with the baby i presume

Yeah but how can anyone stop her really?

PropertyD · 24/07/2026 12:12

I would be putting the fear of god into her. State it wont be you doing childcare.

You are not going to help and support this terrible decision. Ask her where she will live.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 24/07/2026 12:14

PropertyD · 24/07/2026 12:12

I would be putting the fear of god into her. State it wont be you doing childcare.

You are not going to help and support this terrible decision. Ask her where she will live.

Possibly not the best way to help a child with significant mental health difficulties

minipie · 24/07/2026 12:17

ToKittyornottoKitty · 24/07/2026 12:11

Yeah but how can anyone stop her really?

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Well the boyfriend could stop it by wearing a condom if he realises that’s her intention and isn’t on board.

Honestly in your shoes OP I’d be telling the BF parents that baby and marriage with their DS seems to be her goal and you have found letters and pregnancy test. They can do what they like with this info and they may do nothing. but if it was my son I’d be letting him know he needs to use condoms if he doesn’t want to be a father.

Yes it would break trust I agree (if it gets back to the DD, it may not). But nonetheless better than her having a baby at 17 with significant MH issues. Doesn’t sound like the DD is being very open anyway so not much trust to lose arguably.

Original poster

llost · 24/07/2026 12:17

PollyBell · 24/07/2026 12:09

It is easy for them saying its her choice you will be the one stuck with the baby i presume

Exactly. I don’t want to be stuck with the baby. DD can barely look after herself. She is in no fit state to become a mum.

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ToKittyornottoKitty · 24/07/2026 12:18

minipie · 24/07/2026 12:17

Well the boyfriend could stop it by wearing a condom if he realises that’s her intention and isn’t on board.

Honestly in your shoes OP I’d be telling the BF parents that baby and marriage with their DS seems to be her goal and you have found letters and pregnancy test. They can do what they like with this info and they may do nothing. but if it was my son I’d be letting him know he needs to use condoms if he doesn’t want to be a father.

Yes it would break trust I agree (if it gets back to the DD, it may not). But nonetheless better than her having a baby at 17 with significant MH issues. Doesn’t sound like the DD is being very open anyway so not much trust to lose arguably.

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She’s already spoken to them

Funkypigeons · 24/07/2026 12:18

You need to sit her down and have a hard conversation about what happens if she gets pregnant and who's going to look after the baby. And make it crystal clear that it's not going to be you and that she won't be living with you. Ask her how she she expects to look after it and pay for it. You might be happy to but if you're not she needs to be under no illusions.

You might want to be gentle because of her mental health problems but it really needs to be impressed into her that it's not a good idea at all.

Original poster

llost · 24/07/2026 12:19

ToKittyornottoKitty · 24/07/2026 12:10

Other than supporting her there’s nothing else you can do, as the professionals have already told you, it’s her choice. I understand the concern but I think it could be better to try and be a bit neutral with her so you can have open discussions about it and maybe talk about contraception.

How have you seen these letters, has she shown them to you? Could the pregnancy tests belong to anyone else?

She left the letters in her room. I check her room now and again as she left a suicide note for me to find last year.

She left a pregnancy test in the bathroom which she had done. It is unlikely that around 12 pregnancy tests at home all belong to someone else.

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Original poster

llost · 24/07/2026 12:20

PropertyD · 24/07/2026 12:11

Its all very well saying its her choice...

Who will look after any babies. Bet it wont be her...

Who will be paying for this decision of hers? Bet she doesnt think like that

She is very emotionally immature. Her notes are all about how he will be her husband and buy her things. He is 16.

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Original poster

llost · 24/07/2026 12:21

PropertyD · 24/07/2026 12:12

I would be putting the fear of god into her. State it wont be you doing childcare.

You are not going to help and support this terrible decision. Ask her where she will live.

I can’t take this approach with her. I had already told her in the past that if she gets pregnant, it’s on her. I won’t be giving up my job.

To be honest, if she gets pregnant I would prefer for her to leave, I can’t support such a stupid decision.

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Octavia64 · 24/07/2026 12:22

There are legal limits to what social workers etc can do in this situation.

they are not allowed, for example, to force her onto contraception (eg the implant).

obviously they can have their personal views but the law is pretty clear and they can’t break it.

Bonkers1966 · 24/07/2026 12:22

Freaking scary, OP. Maybe try speaking to GP as they might have experience of similar situations.

minipie · 24/07/2026 12:23

ToKittyornottoKitty · 24/07/2026 12:18

She’s already spoken to them

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She’s spoken to them about her DD staying round at theirs. They disagree and think her staying over is fine, ok.

She hasn’t told them (yet) that DD is apparently aiming for a baby and marriage with their 16 year old son.

Maybe they will think that is fine too but it’s quite a different issue from just staying over!

Original poster

llost · 24/07/2026 12:24

Funkypigeons · 24/07/2026 12:18

You need to sit her down and have a hard conversation about what happens if she gets pregnant and who's going to look after the baby. And make it crystal clear that it's not going to be you and that she won't be living with you. Ask her how she she expects to look after it and pay for it. You might be happy to but if you're not she needs to be under no illusions.

You might want to be gentle because of her mental health problems but it really needs to be impressed into her that it's not a good idea at all.

She denies being sexually active, she denies the pregnancy tests are hers. So every time I try and talk to her she says it is not relevant to her.

i can’t get anywhere because of all the denial. Or she just refuses to talk and runs off to her boyfriend’s house. She says the more I ask her the more she will stay away.

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Original poster

llost · 24/07/2026 12:25

Bonkers1966 · 24/07/2026 12:22

Freaking scary, OP. Maybe try speaking to GP as they might have experience of similar situations.

I have spoken to 5 different professionals now who are all adamant that she is 17 and it is her choice. What can the GP do?

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Mygiddyvalentine · 24/07/2026 12:25

What is the origin of her MH issues. Could she have past trauma? ND maybe? Knowing if it is either of these could offer some pathways for support.

Original poster

llost · 24/07/2026 12:28

minipie · 24/07/2026 12:23

She’s spoken to them about her DD staying round at theirs. They disagree and think her staying over is fine, ok.

She hasn’t told them (yet) that DD is apparently aiming for a baby and marriage with their 16 year old son.

Maybe they will think that is fine too but it’s quite a different issue from just staying over!

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The mental health team told me not to do this, I want to do it but I know it will destroy my relationship completely with DD. She is self harming as well so I have been told not to do anything that might make her spiral further.

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Bonkers1966 · 24/07/2026 12:28

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