Support needed for vulnerable 17-year-old possibly trying to get pregnant

OP, what will happen re her place at school if she skips classes and does no work at all in the coming term?

Can she be expelled? Would the local authority find somewhere new for her?

Whillst getting pregnant at 17 is far from ideal
Even more so as shes so vulberble
I cant see many parents telling their vulnerable pregnant 17 year old they have to leave homr.

I agree that you absolutely can not control her behaviour, but you can communicate with her explaining that you absolutely will not be available for childcare.

I know you got short shrift from them before, but I would contact boyfriends parents again and explain that DD is trying to get pregnant and you will not be stepping up if that happens.

I really do feel for you. Such a tricky situation and you seem to be trying everything.
I hope someone with ND kids can give some advise.
I don't think " let them" is appropriate here.

What were her career aspirations before this all started, OP?

I would ignore the mental health team, its not just about your daughter here the boy is also not actually giving informed consent to sex if she is lying and saying she is on contraceptives but isn't. Tbh your daughter sounds like she has quite low cognitive understanding OP does she developmental delays /learning difficulties or challenges understanding? Sometimes you need to consider everyone in the situation not just the daughter but also the boy involved, OP herself and a potential baby that could be born into this situation. OP's relationship with her daughter is just as likely to be damaged by the birth of a grandchild her daughter is unable to care for. Id go ahead and speak to the other parents, these young people need safeguarding from themselves

Hi Op. glad to see this comment. My initial instinct was, why does she not move in with a boyfriend in the family right now? And then I saw your comment at least seen the moment she is pregnant she’s off.. so may I ask why you cannot wave her goodbye now?

God this is so irresponsible of his parents.
i don’t even think they should be allowing overnights or time in bedroom if you aren’t ok with it. If she is mentally unwell she is clearly vulnerable. Do they know this??? Is she at school etc still?

Why would a 17 year old who doesn't expect to be alive in a few years' time plan a pregnancy, OP? It doesn't make sense.

I only see her for 1 minute every few days when she comes home to collect clothes before going back to the boyfriend’s house so no opportunity to talk to her

This is a big part of the problem ^^ She doesn’t care because, in her head, she has a substitute mum and family. She doesn’t have to listen to you or talk to you as she has an easy place to escape to, where she probably tells them how ‘horrible’ you are. You have no chance while she has this escape hole.

I’d be working hard very much behind the scenes to engineer an end to this destructive relationship with this boy and his parents who may even be encouraging the idea of pregnancy. That sounds unkind but it’s clearly not doing her any good whatsoever. She hasn’t made changes for this boy, or been inspired to up her hygiene and life skills. She’s still struggling. She’s only latched onto him out of desperation and because he tolerates her. I imagine the apparent lack of parenting in his home was an attraction too.

Don’t get pulled into shouting matches or arguments. If you ask her if the pregnancy tests are hers and she says No, tell her casually that they must be her dad’s then, as though you believe it not sarcastically. Then walk away. Don’t remind her to clean her teeth. You have to leave her to see the results of her actions/inaction and how stupid she sounds.

Apart from this relationship though. It sounds poisonous and detrimental, quite apart from the pregnancy worry. That’s what I’d focus on.

I really feel for you having worked around vulnerable youngsters. They see a world of ideal babies and an easy love filled world. I would start by asking her does she realise how painful giving birth is. On advice frm her social workers, I had to encourage a 14 year old girl pregnant by incest from her father towards abortion. At first she has this picture of aunties buying lovely clothes and a dream world of mother and baby happiness. No way would she have coped.When we started talking about the actual birth,she had no idea any pain was involved. After I explained, she asked for an abortion.

You're assuming she's logical. She's impulsive and careening and probably hoping a baby could magically fix all her issues, while lacking the insight or wisdom to realise that it couldn't.

Are you willing and able to step in to raise the child? My very vulnerable 17yo had a baby last year. Social services removed the baby and placed it in a kinship foster care arrangement. That she already has a social worker is telling that the outcome if this was to happen is likely to not be favourable for her.

I would be sending the BF’s mother a text saying you are aware DD is trying to get pregnant, you have tried to discuss with her and she won’t discuss. As they are spending time at her house you hope she can talk some sense into them as if she gets pregnant she won’t be living with you with the baby.

Why isn’t she sectioned, self harming, suicidal, no self care (smelly and dirty with matted hair), and trying to get pregnant? Surely she is such a risk to herself that you could have her held and reviewed?

Is there any way you could borrow one of those lifelike baby dolls that used to be available a couple of years ago? Are they still a thing?
It might at least give DD an insight into what’s involved in taking care of a baby.

Start waking her up every 2 hours and take away all her pocket money (if she has any) and make her do all the chores.

I’m sure she’ll love it.

Also wildly unethical (and I’m sure maybe illegal in some capacity??) but I knew a girl whose mother unknowingly gave her the pill as she was such a premature teen. She eventually told her years down the line.

Worked while she was at home, I guess. I met her during my appointments as a teenage parent myself many moons ago.

So sorry you've got all this to deal with - it sounds so hard.
Are the pregnancy tests that you've found used? And negative, I presume.

That’s why I suggested a letter, but I see later you said it would be intercepted. Presumably because your daughter would recognise your handwriting? Can you not type the envelope? I appreciate you are saying the boy’s mother isn’t interested, but if you could help her see SHE is the one who might end up holding the baby, she might be more inclined to listen.