Page 2 | Support needed for vulnerable 17-year-old possibly trying to get pregnant

llost · 2026-07-24T10:45:06+00:00

I’m feeling desperate and don’t know what else to do. I suspect my 17-year-old daughter is trying to get pregnant. Over the past few days I’ve found at least 12 pregnancy tests. Every time I ask her about them, she insists they aren’t hers but I don’t believe that. She has significant mental health difficulties and has become very involved with her boyfriend over the last couple of months. She’s written letters and “manifestations” saying that he will be her husband. He’s only 16. Realistically, I can’t see him being ready for marriage or parenthood and I’m terrified that she’s making decisions based on fantasy rather than reality. I’ve raised my concerns with both her social worker and CAMHS. They both keep telling me that it’s her choice. I understand that she has rights and that I can’t control her but it feels like nobody is acknowledging the context of her mental health or how vulnerable she is.

Original poster

llost · 24/07/2026 12:29

Mygiddyvalentine · 24/07/2026 12:25

What is the origin of her MH issues. Could she have past trauma? ND maybe? Knowing if it is either of these could offer some pathways for support.

She is ND. I am not aware of any trauma. She is working with a psychologist and psychiatrist.

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friedaklein · 24/07/2026 12:33

PropertyD · 24/07/2026 12:12

I would be putting the fear of god into her. State it wont be you doing childcare.

You are not going to help and support this terrible decision. Ask her where she will live.

I would be doing this.
But then I don't care if my DD hates me. Better that than ruin her life.

friedaklein · 24/07/2026 12:34

What do her shrinks say? Can they advise?

ToKittyornottoKitty · 24/07/2026 12:34

llost · 24/07/2026 12:19

She left the letters in her room. I check her room now and again as she left a suicide note for me to find last year.

She left a pregnancy test in the bathroom which she had done. It is unlikely that around 12 pregnancy tests at home all belong to someone else.

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The way you worded that suggests there are other girls in the house they could belong to, although unlikely?

Mygiddyvalentine · 24/07/2026 12:37

llost · 24/07/2026 12:29

She is ND. I am not aware of any trauma. She is working with a psychologist and psychiatrist.

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Can you steer her towards groups with other ND peers.

ND and the teenage years are incredibly difficult and can be traumatic themselves without any outside trauma.

As you are finding you are limited in what you can do but any form of decent support network and peer network could be really helpful for her.

vodkacran · 24/07/2026 12:38

Put the fear of god into him OP, try and get him alone and really emphasise her intentions, ask him if he's aware. I think that's your only option.

Original poster

llost · 24/07/2026 12:39

friedaklein · 24/07/2026 12:34

What do her shrinks say? Can they advise?

They say it is her choice as she is 17. They have brought it up with her but she refuses to discuss it.

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friedaklein · 24/07/2026 12:39

I'd put the fear of god into both and make it v clear I would not help. I would also call his parents- whether they wanted to or not- and sound off.

Original poster

llost · 24/07/2026 12:40

ToKittyornottoKitty · 24/07/2026 12:34

The way you worded that suggests there are other girls in the house they could belong to, although unlikely?

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She is the only girl in the house. Her standard response is to say anything suspicious does not belong to her.

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starballoons · 24/07/2026 12:40

TryingnotTobeBoring · 24/07/2026 11:48

This will break trust.

my advice would be to spend as much time as possible with her, don’t approach her with judgement but instead try to get her to open up. She may have reasons for doing this that expose a deeper vulnerability. She may want to feel loved or important and thinks that the attention around a pregnancy would achieve that. There could be multiple motivations.

You need to make her feel as safe and not judged as possible. The more time you spend with her the less time she will be out ttc as well.

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I feel that in some situations it is absolutely the right thing to break trust. I have a daughter the same age and would not hesitate to try to protect someone’s son from manipulation whether it breaks trust or not.

his parents sound a bit shit from what OP has said but to not mention this is negligent imo - even if you speak to the bf directly so he has the full picture at least.

friedaklein · 24/07/2026 12:40

llost · 24/07/2026 12:39

They say it is her choice as she is 17. They have brought it up with her but she refuses to discuss it.

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What a useless bunch of professionals.
My mum would do a better job.
It's her choice if she can support a baby without going on benefits or your help.
Not otherwise.

Original poster

llost · 24/07/2026 12:41

Mygiddyvalentine · 24/07/2026 12:37

Can you steer her towards groups with other ND peers.

ND and the teenage years are incredibly difficult and can be traumatic themselves without any outside trauma.

As you are finding you are limited in what you can do but any form of decent support network and peer network could be really helpful for her.

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I have tried for years to get her to join ND groups. She refuses. Now she is only interested in her boyfriend and neglecting the few friends she does have.

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HoppityBun · 24/07/2026 12:41

llost · 24/07/2026 12:24

She denies being sexually active, she denies the pregnancy tests are hers. So every time I try and talk to her she says it is not relevant to her.

i can’t get anywhere because of all the denial. Or she just refuses to talk and runs off to her boyfriend’s house. She says the more I ask her the more she will stay away.

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Have you asked her if she wants to get pregnant, directly?

Because either she says yes in which case you can straight up tell her what’s likely to happen, which might well be adoption. Alternatively, if she says no, then you can suggest taking her to the doctor for a depot injection.

I really feel for you because there’s not a lot you can do.

Original poster

llost · 24/07/2026 12:43

friedaklein · 24/07/2026 12:40

What a useless bunch of professionals.
My mum would do a better job.
It's her choice if she can support a baby without going on benefits or your help.
Not otherwise.

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I feel like they are all useless too. They keep saying her choice but if she has a baby, the baby doesn’t get any choice.

I presume in reality they would actually be unhappy if it was their DD in this situation.

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minipie · 24/07/2026 12:46

Ok if she is self harming I can see you need to tread very carefully.

But having a baby to deal with (and chances are a break up too at some point) is not going to help her MH either.

Personally I would still try to speak to the boyfriend’s parents whatever the MH team say. I’m not sure if that’s the right thing to do but I just couldn’t do nothing.

What a difficult situation.

What are the BF & parents like as far as you can tell?

Octavia64 · 24/07/2026 12:47

Op, there’s obviously a lot going on here.

if she’s ND and is under psychologists and is seeing a psychiatrist there’s clearly ongoing issues.

doing repeated pregnancy tests in the context of ND means that there’s clearly an issue here but if they are coming back negative (and presumably they are?) then she’s not currently pregnant.

idealisation of marriage and family life is also not unusual in the teen years.

The professionals are limited by their codes of conduct and it’s not permitted to force someone onto contraception.

in your shoes I would sssume she is sexually active.

you may be able to get some traction on persuading her to accept contraception if she has bad periods. But if she is determined to get pregnant she won’t accept it and you are not allowed to force her (and realistically the only type that can’t be subverted is the implant - it’s easy for her to “forget” to take pills).

obviously if she gets pregnant it’ll be a shit show, so think through in advance what your position is likely to be. Are SS likely to take the baby at birth or does she have some level of capability to be a mother?

ToKittyornottoKitty · 24/07/2026 12:47

llost · 24/07/2026 12:43

I feel like they are all useless too. They keep saying her choice but if she has a baby, the baby doesn’t get any choice.

I presume in reality they would actually be unhappy if it was their DD in this situation.

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What do you think they can actually do though? Like what is the alternative?

friedaklein · 24/07/2026 12:50

ToKittyornottoKitty · 24/07/2026 12:47

What do you think they can actually do though? Like what is the alternative?

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I wouldn't be advising OP not to speak to the boy's parents, for a start.

ALovelyPinkUnicorn · 24/07/2026 12:54

starballoons · 24/07/2026 12:40

I feel that in some situations it is absolutely the right thing to break trust. I have a daughter the same age and would not hesitate to try to protect someone’s son from manipulation whether it breaks trust or not.

his parents sound a bit shit from what OP has said but to not mention this is negligent imo - even if you speak to the bf directly so he has the full picture at least.

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This, all this “oh no! You can’t break her trust!!” Is ridiculous!!

Watchoutfortheslowaraf · 24/07/2026 12:55

I would also be putting the fear of god into her. Explaining that she cannot live with you with a baby. She must just be assuming that you’d happily care for both her and this potential baby. You need to make it very clear that this would not be the case and that you don’t appreciate the lying about the tests either.

friedaklein · 24/07/2026 12:55

ALovelyPinkUnicorn · 24/07/2026 12:54

This, all this “oh no! You can’t break her trust!!” Is ridiculous!!

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I think so too. But I would rather have no trust and no baby than trust and a baby I have to look after.

Original poster

llost · 24/07/2026 13:03

minipie · 24/07/2026 12:46

Ok if she is self harming I can see you need to tread very carefully.

But having a baby to deal with (and chances are a break up too at some point) is not going to help her MH either.

Personally I would still try to speak to the boyfriend’s parents whatever the MH team say. I’m not sure if that’s the right thing to do but I just couldn’t do nothing.

What a difficult situation.

What are the BF & parents like as far as you can tell?

The BF’s mum is very laid back, not bothered. She didn’t even want to have a call with me. She felt there was no need to speak to me and was annoyed and irritated. The father lives somewhere else part of the time. I told her about DD mental health problems and I don’t want her staying over. She refused to send her home. She doesn’t want any more contact.

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Supersimkin7 · 24/07/2026 13:03

SW have to parrot the law OP, and the law says DD has capacity to make unwise decisions.

They don’t like it any more than you do. You can ask them to make her aware of the consequences of having a baby - housing, funding, childcare - regardless of whether she chooses to discuss it.

Original poster

llost · 24/07/2026 13:07

Octavia64 · 24/07/2026 12:47

Op, there’s obviously a lot going on here.

if she’s ND and is under psychologists and is seeing a psychiatrist there’s clearly ongoing issues.

doing repeated pregnancy tests in the context of ND means that there’s clearly an issue here but if they are coming back negative (and presumably they are?) then she’s not currently pregnant.

idealisation of marriage and family life is also not unusual in the teen years.

The professionals are limited by their codes of conduct and it’s not permitted to force someone onto contraception.

in your shoes I would sssume she is sexually active.

you may be able to get some traction on persuading her to accept contraception if she has bad periods. But if she is determined to get pregnant she won’t accept it and you are not allowed to force her (and realistically the only type that can’t be subverted is the implant - it’s easy for her to “forget” to take pills).

obviously if she gets pregnant it’ll be a shit show, so think through in advance what your position is likely to be. Are SS likely to take the baby at birth or does she have some level of capability to be a mother?

She is on the pill for bad periods but I suspect she doesn’t take it. She talks about getting an implant but she often lies outrageously to cover her tracks.

I don’t feel like she has any capability of being a mother. She needs reminding to shower, doesn’t eat properly. Her hair is matted as she does not brush it. She will go days without brushing her teeth. She needs reminding again and again of her appointments.

When she is at home she is just on TikTok most of the time. Stays in her room. Refuses to talk.

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Original poster

llost · 24/07/2026 13:10

ToKittyornottoKitty · 24/07/2026 12:47

What do you think they can actually do though? Like what is the alternative?

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They won’t talk through the consequences of her being pregnant and being a mother at 17/18. They are so gentle and keep emphasising choice. This isn’t helping her. She is not getting a balanced perspective.

DD even said to me why aren’t you nice like the CAMHS staff? They are so nice and accepting of me.

She can’t see that they don’t have to live with her and deal with the consequences of her actions. They don’t wait with her all night waiting for an ambulance because she cut herself dozens of times.

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