Support needed for vulnerable 17-year-old possibly trying to get pregnant

I mean this gently OP-does she understand link between sex and pregnancy...
I worked with a 14 year old once who wanted a baby... She thought French kissing a boy would result in baby. She had pregnancy tests too

Well that’s when you involve SS although presumably would already be involved.

There’s no answer here. You can’t stop her seeing him, you can’t stop her sleeping with him, you can’t force her on contraception, you can’t force her to have an abortion so if there ends up being a baby that you don’t want to look after then she’ll either step up to the plate as many many young mums do or she won’t and if you don’t want to help then the baby will be placed into care. I completely get that this sounds extremely flippant and it’s not meant to and every word is typed with sympathy and me trying to put myself in your shoes having pretty much already been in your daughters shoes. It’s an awful awful situation for you both. Your poor daughter feeling that she needs to do this for whatever reason.

Absolutely this, if we were to say 'YOU MUST NOT GET PREGNANT, YOU MUST NOT HAVE SEX, YOU MUST NOT DRINK' to someone who is vulnerable they would be seen as pushing their personal opinions onto her, the work is about empowering people to understand what choices are positive for them and what ones are not. However that doesnt work with young people who cant seem to make wise choices. They would be seen as controlling vulnerable clients

Having said that, I do say that to young people and to hell with the consequences but I know why others dont.

Families think that professionals have some magic wand or magic way of fixing their young people who are like this. Unfortunately there is no fix for this. She hopefully wont get pregnant but if she does, its not likely the child would stay in her care, either going to family members or being adopted most likely.

Well it wouldnt be, neither the girl nor the boy sound as if they would pass a parenting assessment and the child would probably have an adoption plan given its a baby

OP could ask for a capacity assessment and if she is found without capacity a decision could be made as to whether she should be forced to have contraception, thats the only option but the law allows for people to make unwise choices so the threshold for that is incredibly high

Over the years despite hammering home 'you cannot care for a child you are 16/17, you need education, you have no where to live' etc etc, until the cows come home, kids get pregnant. Girls want babies, they see it as a fantasy, particularly kids like OP describes. Ive worked with girls that are far more able and savvy than OP's daughter and they still go ahead and make unwise choices despite a plethora of advice and guidance. They dig out their contraception or they dont take the pill or they choose not to renew it or any number of things.

@llost

Does she drink to the extent that it's detectable at school, OP?

Who did the capacity assessment?

She takes vodka into school in her bag and claims that it's water?

Ive never known one single professional including myself who would say to sonmeone who has alcohol issues that 'its fine to drink'. This is fairly unusual to say the least.

She is ND, of course she thinks she is making good decisions, its part of rigidity and black and white thinking

OP, it would be ok to prioritise yourself and draw a line. Someone I know is in this situation but ten years down the line - their DD is chaotic and abusive and they're left raising her child. Even if you did something as drastic as move house and not let your daughter know your new address (she could still have your phone number if she wanted to maintain contact) I think you're at a point now where the impotent stress of this will be taking years off your life. It's ok to walk away.

That is very unusual because abstinence is the main treatment for alcohol addiction.

Where does your daughter get the money from for copious amounts of alcohol and multiple pregnancy tests (which aren’t cheap)? She doesn’t work, so presumably from the allowance you give her. What do you think would happen if you cut the amount right back to just cover her bus fares, phone bill and a few necessities like tampons and toiletries? If she is effectively living with the boyfriend and his mum, do they provide all her food for free?

OP said her daughter gets PIP, I think?

I did wonder if there is any way of getting her PIP paid to you OP as she is a minor (just about) and especially as she is a minor under MH and SS care. If she didn’t have access to money it could help with a few issues - the drinking especially.