Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Housekeeper playing music- aibu?

474 replies

NoMusicPlease · 22/10/2026 16:24

I live in a large house on a farm. I have a housekeeper who comes in each day between 10-6.

Today I was in the garden and she drove up to the house and parked outside. I could hear her music which annoyed me because I moved to the country for peace and quiet. It wasn't blasting but I don't want to hear any music while I'm outside.

I told her she's not allowed to play music while she's driving on the farm and she seemed a bit upset and was much quieter than normal. I think that might have to do with her personal circumstances because she's currently getting divorced.

Was I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
harbourlightsbaby · 22/10/2026 17:53

Did you actually use those words? You’re not allowed?? The poor woman. Being treated like that would have really upset me. I understand that it’s a bit annoying, but honestly if that is what you said you’re treating your staff appallingly. If you find it that annoying do the work yourself.

TheCryingTheBitchAndTheFloordrobe · 22/10/2026 17:54

This is literally unbelievable

HesterLeggatt · 22/10/2026 17:54

It’s already half term some places, isn’t it….?

Wadsworthy · 22/10/2026 17:55

Maybe employ your staff for fewer hours? Or provide her with headphones. Or clean your own house.

You're being unreasonable and you know it.

BeatrizBoniface · 22/10/2026 17:55

harbourlightsbaby · 22/10/2026 17:53

Did you actually use those words? You’re not allowed?? The poor woman. Being treated like that would have really upset me. I understand that it’s a bit annoying, but honestly if that is what you said you’re treating your staff appallingly. If you find it that annoying do the work yourself.

Because of 2 minutes of music.

DrBlackbird · 22/10/2026 17:58

NoMusicPlease · 22/10/2026 17:02

I'm not troll hunting or posting this as a reverse.

I'm also not posh.

I have very severe migraines and had surgery on my ears recently that's left me extremely sensitive to noise. Not all noise, but certain pitches are agony.

I think I might have been a bitch to her and she didn't deserve it. I'll apologize and explain why I snapped at her.

This is a rare occasion of an OP asking for feedback, getting the feedback, acknowledging the error of their response based on the mostly reasonable responses, and taking steps to make amends.

That’s all very positive to read and I hope you get help with your hearing 💐

harbourlightsbaby · 22/10/2026 18:00

Ah, I just see that you’ve apologised. I’ve had a bad day, a customer, when I tried to help them, told me ‘ I don’t need your help, I’m a fully qualified medical doctor, you’re just a supermarket worker’. So your post touched a nerve tbh. I left her to struggle for ages with the self service checkout, I guess there a different kinds of smart.

Original poster
NoMusicPlease · 22/10/2026 18:00

BeatrizBoniface · 22/10/2026 17:50

Pay for the dentist. Forget the flowers, give her a pay rise. Something tells me she deserves it.

Show quote history

Of course I'd (offer to) pay. She's on a very good hourly rate (£27ph)

OP posts:
BeatrizBoniface · 22/10/2026 18:01

So: apologise, give her a pay rise, give her tomorrow off, with pay, book and pay for the dentist.
Oh, and the next time you're in pain, don't take it out on someone else. Most of us don't.

BeatrizBoniface · 22/10/2026 18:01

NoMusicPlease · 22/10/2026 18:00

Of course I'd (offer to) pay. She's on a very good hourly rate (£27ph)

Show quote history

It's not enough.

Vitrolinsanity · 22/10/2026 18:01

I agree @DrBlackbird

I hop you get your ears fixed soon and she gets her tooth sorted.

Original poster
NoMusicPlease · 22/10/2026 18:01

Wadsworthy · 22/10/2026 17:55

Maybe employ your staff for fewer hours? Or provide her with headphones. Or clean your own house.

You're being unreasonable and you know it.

I'd absolutely love to clean my own home but at the moment I'm not well enough.

OP posts:
holidayhelpneeded1 · 22/10/2026 18:02

This has to be rage bait/engagement farming and its working, I really wish people just wouldn't bother with these obviously goady posts (yes I do see ive added to it).

Vitrolinsanity · 22/10/2026 18:04

BeatrizBoniface · 22/10/2026 18:01

It's not enough.

Show quote history

Give over thats 52k a year for a full time equivalent. I don’t make that and I’m an HR manager 😆

BeatrizBoniface · 22/10/2026 18:05

Vitrolinsanity · 22/10/2026 18:04

Give over thats 52k a year for a full time equivalent. I don’t make that and I’m an HR manager 😆

Show quote history

Do you have to work for @NoMusicPlease?
That's my point 😉

allthingsinmoderation · 22/10/2026 18:05

You do sound very unreasonable. If she was playing music in your house and you didnt want that i could see your point. But saying she shouldn't arrive at/ on your land playing music in her car sounds dictatorial.Particularly if she had no idea of your sensitivities.
If i were you i would apologise for your rant and explain how sensitive you are to music noise and hope she understands.

MrsDoubtfire123 · 22/10/2026 18:06

This cannot be real 😂

MMUmum · 22/10/2026 18:06

NoMusicPlease · 22/10/2026 16:24

I live in a large house on a farm. I have a housekeeper who comes in each day between 10-6.

Today I was in the garden and she drove up to the house and parked outside. I could hear her music which annoyed me because I moved to the country for peace and quiet. It wasn't blasting but I don't want to hear any music while I'm outside.

I told her she's not allowed to play music while she's driving on the farm and she seemed a bit upset and was much quieter than normal. I think that might have to do with her personal circumstances because she's currently getting divorced.

Was I being unreasonable?

Yes you were, she was only driving up to work, very petty imo

Original poster
NoMusicPlease · 22/10/2026 18:07

BeatrizBoniface · 22/10/2026 18:01

So: apologise, give her a pay rise, give her tomorrow off, with pay, book and pay for the dentist.
Oh, and the next time you're in pain, don't take it out on someone else. Most of us don't.

I have apologized.

She's getting £27ph in North East England. That's £40k a year as well as free accommodation. It's a very good rate.

I asked her about the dentist and she has an appointment at 7:30pm tonight! My husband is going to drive her there and back home.

OP posts:
BeatrizBoniface · 22/10/2026 18:07

NoMusicPlease · 22/10/2026 18:01

I'd absolutely love to clean my own home but at the moment I'm not well enough.

Show quote history

So she's going through a divorce and is in pain with a toothache? Yet at no point was she horrible to you?

DrBlackbird · 22/10/2026 18:07

Vitrolinsanity · 22/10/2026 18:01

I agree @DrBlackbird

I hop you get your ears fixed soon and she gets her tooth sorted.

Yes, second this on both sorting their health issues.

And we can predict that the additional posters will fail to read all of the OP’s posts and she’ll continue to receive criticism, if not outright nasty replies 🙄

ZZTopGuitarSolo · 22/10/2026 18:08

NoMusicPlease · 22/10/2026 17:02

I'm not troll hunting or posting this as a reverse.

I'm also not posh.

I have very severe migraines and had surgery on my ears recently that's left me extremely sensitive to noise. Not all noise, but certain pitches are agony.

I think I might have been a bitch to her and she didn't deserve it. I'll apologize and explain why I snapped at her.

I sympathize, as someone with similar health conditions. I hope your ears heal soon.

Have you talked with a neurologist about preventatives and treatments for your migraines? There are some options out there that have worked for me, when all else failed.

I’m glad you apologized to your housekeeper, and explained. You sound like a good person in a tough situation.

Original poster
NoMusicPlease · 22/10/2026 18:08

harbourlightsbaby · 22/10/2026 18:00

Ah, I just see that you’ve apologised. I’ve had a bad day, a customer, when I tried to help them, told me ‘ I don’t need your help, I’m a fully qualified medical doctor, you’re just a supermarket worker’. So your post touched a nerve tbh. I left her to struggle for ages with the self service checkout, I guess there a different kinds of smart.

I am so sorry. No-one deserves to be spoken to nastily. I hope your day improves.

OP posts:
MMUmum · 22/10/2026 18:08

NoMusicPlease · 22/10/2026 16:28

She had it playing for a couple of minutes while she was gathering her things.

I think she should have turned it off as soon as she stopped the car.

Give over 🙄are you realky so nit picky ??

AutumnCrowStorm · 22/10/2026 18:08

NoMusicPlease · 22/10/2026 18:07

I have apologized.

She's getting £27ph in North East England. That's £40k a year as well as free accommodation. It's a very good rate.

I asked her about the dentist and she has an appointment at 7:30pm tonight! My husband is going to drive her there and back home.

Show quote history

That’s great.

Hope you all feel better soon.