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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Housekeeper playing music- aibu?

474 replies

NoMusicPlease · 22/10/2026 16:24

I live in a large house on a farm. I have a housekeeper who comes in each day between 10-6.

Today I was in the garden and she drove up to the house and parked outside. I could hear her music which annoyed me because I moved to the country for peace and quiet. It wasn't blasting but I don't want to hear any music while I'm outside.

I told her she's not allowed to play music while she's driving on the farm and she seemed a bit upset and was much quieter than normal. I think that might have to do with her personal circumstances because she's currently getting divorced.

Was I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
CatSquirrelDuck · 22/10/2026 17:33

You sound very unkind

Chilesstanton · 22/10/2026 17:34

You sound insane, hth

Laiste · 22/10/2026 17:34

Are you Grendel?!

If you'd have said to her 'Certain pitches of music are agony to me because i have an illness' then that would have been better.

But surely you are used to explaining this to people aren't you? How come she doesnt already know about it if she's employed to be in your house for hours a week?

''Not allowed'' indeed 🙄

sandrapinchedmysandwich · 22/10/2026 17:36

MrsBananaman · 22/10/2026 16:27

FFS she can play music in her own car!!

This. And you know she is going through a tough time too. Why would you be so controlling and so bloody precious too? Get over yourself

Port1aCastis · 22/10/2026 17:36

May I suggest that you see your audiologist and get your luggoles checked again as over sensitivity cannot be good

Strawberrydelight78 · 22/10/2026 17:37

Is this for real?😂😂😂

JenRummy · 22/10/2026 17:37

Flip me no wonder she was quiet. Controlling and out of order. I’d be telling you to find a new Housekeeper. Lady of the Manor or what!?

LancashireButterPie · 22/10/2026 17:38

LuciferOverLancashire · 22/10/2026 16:38

I actually think this is a wind-up

I totally agree

DarthVadersGlove · 22/10/2026 17:39

Forton26 · 22/10/2026 17:28

i never understand this. I’m sure kids have got better things to do do than troll a website they likely don’t even know about unless an adult they know uses it but what kids notice that?.

Times have changed. They have access to a hell of a lot more these days.

It’s more likely just an adult trolling for attention or even mumsnet generating some traffic….

Show quote history

Maybe it’s teachers then but it definitely happens.

RuinartRuination · 22/10/2026 17:41

Not music, but mine is on the phone the entire time she cleans my house, I have no clue what she has to the same person for the whole 3-4 hours as it's in Polish. I have to say, I find it quite annoying but it's not a hill I'm going to die on. She's a good cleaner and they're like gold dust.

OP the drip feed of the surgery - you could have phrased it better ie you've had ear surgery and certain tones cause pain and would she mind keeping the music down or putting her headphones in. That probably would have softened the below. It's all in the delivery.
I do feel your pain though, I suffer badly from tinnitus and some pitches make me wince.

Original poster
NoMusicPlease · 22/10/2026 17:42

I've just apologized and explained. I'm also going to buy some flowers and chocolates for her.

She said she's had awful toothache all day and can't get an appointment to see her dentist until Tuesday. I have a brilliant private dentist - would it be weird or overstepping to see if he can fit her in tonight or tomorrow?

OP posts:
Globules · 22/10/2026 17:43

You called yourself a bitch.

I wouldn't disagree.

Catherine Tate No GIF by BritBoxUK
Pepperlee · 22/10/2026 17:43

allmycats · 22/10/2026 16:27

The house-keeper would be wise to turn around and drive away. You are obviously the sort of person who does not know how to treat staff.

Couldn't agree more. That's if it's even true!

Original poster
NoMusicPlease · 22/10/2026 17:44

Port1aCastis · 22/10/2026 17:36

May I suggest that you see your audiologist and get your luggoles checked again as over sensitivity cannot be good

I have an appointment to see her on Thursday next week! It's absolutely grim living like this and it's apparently turning me into an utterly unreasonable cow.

OP posts:
Anyahyacinth · 22/10/2026 17:45

Edited as I see you’ve apologised and been a nice employer 💐

Original poster
NoMusicPlease · 22/10/2026 17:45

NoMusicPlease · 22/10/2026 17:42

I've just apologized and explained. I'm also going to buy some flowers and chocolates for her.

She said she's had awful toothache all day and can't get an appointment to see her dentist until Tuesday. I have a brilliant private dentist - would it be weird or overstepping to see if he can fit her in tonight or tomorrow?

I also told her she absolutely must stay off work with full pay until it's sorted. Toothache is bad enough without having to be at work at the same time.

OP posts:
princecharlie · 22/10/2026 17:46

I love mumsnet sometimes

InLawTwats · 22/10/2026 17:48

nomas · 22/10/2026 16:30

Reverse alert.

Obviously the car music would stop once she’s arrived at your house.

My car keeps playing it till the driver’s door is opened.

Topseyt123 · 22/10/2026 17:48

You have hopefully apologised profusely by now, admitted that you were an arse and will make sure you don't do this again.

I really thought you were going to say that she was playing loud music all the time she was working in your house. Then you would have had a point. However, you just heard her music briefly for a couple of minutes while she was in her car, so you absolutely don't have a point at all and quite frankly behaved like a twat.

BeatrizBoniface · 22/10/2026 17:49

NoMusicPlease · 22/10/2026 17:44

I have an appointment to see her on Thursday next week! It's absolutely grim living like this and it's apparently turning me into an utterly unreasonable cow.

Show quote history

Then wear those noise cancelling earphones. Why should people bear the brunt of your bad temper?

krustykittens · 22/10/2026 17:50

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 22/10/2026 16:31

Staff should be seen and not heard.

Can you put her in the stocks for a few hours? Teach her a lesson.

How uncouth are you? Staff shouldn't be seen either and if they make that mistake they should immediatly prostrate themselves on the ground, face down, while whimpering, "We are worms."

Honestly, they let anyone post on Mumsnet these days.

Nincompoo · 22/10/2026 17:50

Well done for being gracious and apologising Op, we all act like twats sometimes!

Super jealous if your housekeeper… it’s my literal dream to never have to do any house admin again.

malefields · 22/10/2026 17:50

NoMusicPlease · 22/10/2026 17:42

I've just apologized and explained. I'm also going to buy some flowers and chocolates for her.

She said she's had awful toothache all day and can't get an appointment to see her dentist until Tuesday. I have a brilliant private dentist - would it be weird or overstepping to see if he can fit her in tonight or tomorrow?

I think that would depend on who’s paying.

BeatrizBoniface · 22/10/2026 17:50

NoMusicPlease · 22/10/2026 17:42

I've just apologized and explained. I'm also going to buy some flowers and chocolates for her.

She said she's had awful toothache all day and can't get an appointment to see her dentist until Tuesday. I have a brilliant private dentist - would it be weird or overstepping to see if he can fit her in tonight or tomorrow?

Pay for the dentist. Forget the flowers, give her a pay rise. Something tells me she deserves it.

BeatrizBoniface · 22/10/2026 17:52

Nincompoo · 22/10/2026 17:50

Well done for being gracious and apologising Op, we all act like twats sometimes!

Super jealous if your housekeeper… it’s my literal dream to never have to do any house admin again.

Really? I don't and I'm sure most people on here wouldn't treat someone like that just because she's the housekeeper and can't bite back.