Housekeeper playing music- aibu?

Horrible thing to say - you should read all the ops posts to see why it's a horrible thing to say.

Hi @NoMusicPlease it’s so nice to read a post looking for opinions where someone is actually willing to listen to those opinions, reflect and make amends for their mistakes (which we all make!)
I am so sorry to hear about what you have gone through. You sound like a lovely person and I wish you all the best going forward.

Bloody hell @NoMusicPlease you’re getting a rough go of it here. I read your first post and thought “what a dick”, then I read the rest of your posts. You were having a very bad day, took it out on your housekeeper, asked for advice here, took it on board, apologised, got her into a dentist that evening, and gave her paid time off. Then you’ve had to deal with a load of judgemental knobheads who don’t read past the first post. Fair play to you.

I can’t even imagine what it must be like dealing with your still fairly recent health / life changes. You sound like you’re doing roght by your staff, even if you do have the odd off day.

Girl, for someone who claims nobody with a life has time to read my posts, you’ve certainly found the time to write an entire autobiography about your supposed veterinary career, your husband’s money, and your wealthy social circle.

Look, I've already apologized to the OP after learning more about her circumstances but I still don’t think yelling at someone who works for you is acceptable. Not sure why that’s so difficult to understand.

And I've had dogs my entire life, shown them for almost decades and also breed so do you seriously think I’m unfamiliar with the veterinary industry? Your experience at one American 'veterinary hospital' ten years ago doesn’t make you an authority on salaries across the entire country and with that salary even as in intern where you even working, the middle of nowhere Ohio or something cause plenty of American vets earn six figures plus and veterinary medical directors here can earn considerably more than their UK counterparts. What, so you’re a fully qualified vet in the UK and, by your own admission, still earning a modest salary, right and yt you’re lecturing me about American salaries? Got it.

And since you’ve decided to bring wealth into this, my family has generational wealth and unlike you I don’t need to mention my husband’s social circle to establish that I’m familiar with wealthy households but t I also don’t think having money makes someone’s work less valuable, which is apparently where you and I differ. Calling housekeepers “essentially UNSKILLED” while boasting about your wealthy connections is certainly revealing.

And I understand exchange rates perfectly well, thanks. My husband is an Irish immigrant so I’m quite familiar with the differences between American and European economies but please, continue explaining my own country to me while suggesting I’m ignorant. Apparently ten years ago you learned absolutely everything there is to know about America and the rest of us have just been living here incorrectly ever since.

@NoMusicPlease I was going to say this before your latest update about what happened in 2024 (I’m also very sorry you’ve been through so
much).

You don’t have to, or need to, take any notice of anyone who replies here good or bad. Just because someone says something bad does not make them right. Sometimes it is better to
simply ignore what people say - you don’t have to reply.

I hope you are feeling better about everything.

I agree wholeheartedly! It’s so rare and OP truly has been lovely.

Um, firstly I’m not a girl, like.

We’re not debating the morality of OP shouting at her housekeeper. That has been dealt with by other posters. This is about your nonsense regarding cleaner salaries. And the idea that OP should be paying her housekeeper 3x the local going rate just because you’ve randomly decided that she is loaded.

Having/showing dogs doesn’t give you any insight into the veterinary profession. And I think that is well demonstrated by your evident ignorance on the subject. HTH

You are the one who brought wealth into this by speculating about the OP’s. I don’t think having wealthy friends is anything to boast about personally, but it explained why I am familiar with how much full time household staff get paid in the UK. You’ll note that I made no mention of our own financial situation. You just made an assumption on that. Congratulations on your generational wealth though.

It’s clearly very triggering for you to be told that cleaning is not a skilled profession. Unlike you, I won’t presume to hypothesise why that might be. And I’m really not sure what your point is. Are you disputing that cleaning is an unskilled profession? Do you have communist notions that all workers should be paid the same regardless of their qualifications, abilities or years spent on higher education?

I’ve made no claims to being an expert on American salaries. I used my own personal experience to demonstrate my point that not everyone in the USA is a high earner, and the governance of the country being so different to that of the UK makes direct comparison between individual salaries rather meaningless. I do think it’s ironic though that you take exception to my mentioning the salaries within my place of work, when you are the one talking about UK salaries without a clue. Several British posters have been on this thread to confirm that the housekeeper’s remuneration is very generous for the area. And you seem to have little understanding of the difference in hourly rates of pay that would be expected between a self employed cleaner and a full time employee.

Why not just admit that you waded in on a subject that you are not sufficiently familiar with and make your retreat? Take a leaf out of OP’s book - she was undoubtedly wrong to begin with, but her acceptance and repentance in being told this is commendable.

Right, so you're a man. Not sure how I was supposed to know that, but thanks for clarifying.

And I never said the OP should pay her housekeeper three times the local rate, nor did I suggest that cleaners should earn the same as veterinarians. Those are arguments you've invented yourself. What I do question is whether someone performing a wide range of household duties including laundry, grocery assistance, companionship, and driving, should be compensated accordingly. That's not quite the same as suggesting every cleaner deserves a six-figure salary, is it?

And yes, like I said I've been heavily involved in conformation and breeding circles for almost two decades and people involved in dogs at that level tend to work closely with veterinarians and become pretty familiar with the profession, including what vets earn. I never claimed that makes me a veterinarian, but pretending I have absolutely no knowledge of the industry is ridiculous. Apparently your personal experience is perfectly valid while mine is automatically irrelevant. Funny how that works.

As for the generational wealth comment, thank you, I suppose? You're the one who brought up knowing wealthy people who employ household staff as though that somehow settled the argument. I simply pointed out that I'm familiar with wealthy households myself. You're welcome to think that's nothing to boast about, but I wasn't asking for your approval.

And no, I don't have communist notions simply because I believe people performing domestic labor deserve reasonable compensation. Cleaning may not require a university degree, but that doesn't mean it requires no skill, effort, or experience. The fact that you've somehow turned that into a debate about communism is genuinely hilarious.

Finally, I already acknowledged that I didn't initially understand the OP's circumstances and apologized to her. I've said repeatedly that yelling at an employee was inappropriate, and I still believe that. What I find remarkable is how determined you are to keep arguing with me while simultaneously insisting that I'm the one who needs to retreat.

You've written an extraordinary amount about someone you apparently consider completely clueless. At this point, I think you've made your feelings abundantly clear. HTH.

And don't worry, I'm out ... ✌️

Why do you keep saying OP yelled at the employee? I can’t see where OP yelled

I was just thinking that not every person who is not a girl is a man.

I am also not a girl. (Nor a man!)

When I began this thread I got the impression the housekeeper was playing music in your house, which yes would have been a bit of a cheek without asking. However she is entitled to play music in her own car before she begins work. You sound like Queen Victoria.

Same.

Nope, wrong again. I’m a woman. All grown up and everything.

In a previous post you said your parents paid $35-50 dollars to their cleaners 2 decades ago, and that you pay more than that now. So let’s say that’s $60 an hour. That converts to around £45/hr and, in the case of the OP’s full time housekeeper, an annual gross income of nearly £94K, plus considerable benefits in kind. I promise you, in this part of the UK that figure is at least 2-3 times the going rate, depending on the value of the accommodation she is provided with.

I’m not arguing with you. I’m telling you. The housekeeper’s compensation is very fair.

I think perhaps in the US the term unskilled labour has become outdated, but in the UK we still use it to describe work that requires no formal education, qualifications or long term training. It’s not meant as a disparaging term, just a factual description.

I say again, knowing what a particular vet earns does not give you full insight into the overall structure of the profession. There are countless and complicated different career routes that can be taken. You likely only have experience of a single specific type given your area of interest. It’s pretty clear that my career path has been a revelation to you but it’s a fairly common one in the equine world. But all that really is irrelevant.

@Sealedbidswoes You can join our club!

Did you work in Kentucky?

That's def unreasonable of you. I was expecting you complaining of hours of noise while she was cleaning not a couple of minutes. Housekeepers are hard to come by. Give her a break or she'll go elsewhere!

Thanks! Although I feel like I’m banging my head against a brick wall 😅

Yes, KY. Great experience!

Miserable git 😁
A couple of minutes?!
Sheesh. I'd understand more if she was blasting it out all day, but a couple of minutes - wow. OK

That’s exciting!! I don’t think people understand how having an exceptional experience like that is often considered part of the pay.

@Sealedbidswoes I sent you a PM and now your username is sounding like a racehorse name to me. 😂

Rtft 🙄🙄

I was about to comment about @pinck's post as to whether or not the definition of 'unskilled' is different in the States. Beat me to it!

You just come across as utterly ghastly

I’m pleased I never worked for anyone like you.