Aibu to feel hurt by dh asking to go away so soon after my DM died

When is the funeral? Do you need DH to help with planning and supporting you with this? Otherwise, I think fine to let him go and do his hobby.

Well thanks for correcting my life experience.

My opinion is he shouldnt have evem asked. Its way too soon and to ask means he wants to ho regardless of the BS that goes with it. OK you hadnt 'seen' much of each other but you were close. I would be hurt.

You sound a bit brain dead yourself.

I presume you have read the rest of the thread. Many posters are reporting that what might feel obvious and logical to you doesn't feel obvious and logical to them.

We all process grief differently. We all have different relationships with our parents - and our partners. It's fine for the husband to ask what his wife would like him to do.

I'm so sorry for your loss OP. I do think you were being a bit unreasonable to be mad at him for asking, however I know what a massive shock to the system it is to lose a parent, so totally understand how easy it is to over react during the initial stage of grief.

One thing I would say though, is if you are offered grief counselling, please give it serious consideration, as it sounds like there may be some very complex things that have gone on in the past, and while it sounds like you were close to your Mum during the latter part of her life, you may find that her loss triggers all sorts of feelings that you weren't expecting.

Im so sorry for your loss. Sometimes I think the death of someone you had a difficult relationship with can feel more upsetting than the death of someone you have a good relationship with.
I don’t think your husband did anything wrong either. As much as some people wouldn’t like to be left alone other people would appreciate it. I suspect if it was me I’d want to go away with him. Everyone’s different. Staying home would be the last thing I’d want to do.

Very surprised at the voting on this thread!
YANBU OP.

I agree.. I think OP's annoyance is more that he made her make the decision whether he goes or stays.. so she feels she's been put in the situation of denying him a treat, which makes her feel guilty.

He should have just said I'm staying instead of asking for permission. But its very hard for people close to us to always know the right thing to say at a time like this.

Having said that OP, it's a very difficult time and I think its grief that's making you focus on this small detail. Try to forgive both yourself and him, its early days and a lot to deal with all at once.

So sorry to hear about the loss of your mum. It must have been hard for it to happen so suddenly

I’m not correcting your life experience. You equated looking after someone with fussing over them which isn’t the same thing.

I am sorry for your pain, it is a tough journey through grief when the relationship between you was fraught for a long time.
Everyone grieves differently. I preferred being alone when I went through it.
He is not going now. Let it go. Don’t hold it against him.

@Rememberdragons just checking in and hoping the deathmin isn’t overwhelming you. I feel like I’ve filled in a thousand forms this week. Feel free to dm if you need solidarity.

You're grieving. It throws all your emotions and judgement out of line. You're focussing on this thing with your husband, but really this is all about your grief.

Normally, I don't think you'd think it was a big deal that he asked. You were right to say no, because you're not ok. But all that isn't a big deal.

I suggest you go and ask him for a hug. And forget all about the weekend away business.