To have called 10 year old a brat

Maybe it's actually the anticipation of the holiday and the excitement that is making them act that way. My kids always act more dickish when they are excited for something, because the waiting is hard and feels far longer for them than us. One of mine also hates travelling so is an absolute arsehole before any trips and nearly always makes us nearly late and me being incredibly stressed, but then loves it once we are there (until the last day when the anxiety of travelling starts again!).
Whatever the cause of the behaviour though, you're well within your rights to call them out for it. If you feel like you went too far (and I'm absolutely not saying you did), then model apologising and explaining what you meant and hopefully that will help him reflect on his own behaviour.
Have a great holiday, I'm sure your boys will love it once you are there!

Maybe you could start ‘joking’ that they won’t be coming on holiday with you next year then if they think it will be rubbish. See if he likes that style of joke then! Honestly OP you sound like a lovely mum and don’t feel guilty for calling your kids out for being annoying. It won’t do them any harm once in a while!

Ps I fairly regularly tell my 5yo to stop doing things that are annoying and I tell him he being really annoying! He also finds this amusing but he does actually stop. Stuff like banging cutlery or making high pitched noises. Annoying stuff! Call it what it is.

Tbf id consider brat fairly mild.
But the first time I called them that, they appeared to be very hurt. Not sure if it's such an old term, it really stung.
But they were being brats, as yours were.

Thank you for making me feel better/normal. Teacher too. I called my 11 year old a spoilt brat on holiday this week due to their demands. I just lost it. In hindsight, we probably put so much on ourselves to have the perfect holiday, especially as teachers as this time of year means so much. Normally, I am a good parent and apologise for any grumpiness, but I actually didn't this time as they were being awful for a moment.

I think you are focusing too much on things being perfect - it’s absolutely fine for them to tell you they aren’t excited. You are asking them to be grateful about something you chose to do. And you can feel disappointed at them saying they didn’t want to go but it’s not fair to expect them to absorb your feelings and to name call. Plus it isn’t true, they don’t owe you anything so to call them ungrateful brats isn’t fair. Those are your adult feelings and you need to sit and work out why it upsets you.

You could say - aw no I’m sorry to hear that, what is it you aren’t looking forward to about holiday? That way you are opening up a conversation and trying to understand if it’s something you could help them with, or if it’s about something else.

It’s also worth adjusting your mindset too - they aren’t giving you a hard time, they are having a hard time. Please don’t call them names on here, just work with them, try and understand where they are at. They are your kids, you love them no matter what. It’s hard being a parent, definitely - but try not to see it as being about you when they are clearly struggling with something.

Why, where’s the link? Why will removing the tablet make them feel more positive about going on holiday? Surely some open questions to try and understand why they don’t want to go would be better than reaching straight for a punishment…

Wow, and yet from the post it’s really clear that OP hasn’t supported them or listened to how they felt at all. Just her own feelings of disappointment that they are spoiling her holiday. Kids deserve to be listened to, even if you can’t change plans you can listen and validate their emotions. They don’t deserve to be called names because they upset a grown person who should be able to handle their emotions better.

Hmm no there are reasons why kids do things, calling them a brat doesn’t fix anything, just tells them the adult didn’t want to listen to them. It just shuts down their feelings. A respectful adult would be able to listen and find out more.

When you say being a brat, what you actually mean is that they were struggling. Sadly it doesn’t sound like you supported them, just called them a name and let them sit with whatever they were struggling with on their own. What did that teach them about relationships and how people should treat each other?

I disagree with that - you have grown up as a result of being parented the way you were, thinking you don’t need to be kind and respectful to a 10 year old. He’s clearly struggling with something and rather than have a conversation he’s been called names instead. What do you think he’s learnt from this? Likely to suppress his feelings, like a lot of people over time have learned to do.

It’s great you managed to tell him calmly. I wouldn’t have remained so calm! He was being a brat and it’s right he knows.

It really isn’t… a gentle parenting approach would be to talk it through not name call! Clearly there is something going on and he might just need some support with something.

Strongly disagree. The children are going on a lovely holiday abroad - something a lot of children don’t get to do, To behave like that is not acceptable and to call them out is right. You’re teaching them in life you cannot always get your own way and to be grateful. The op works hard and does loads for her children and should not have to put up with poor behaviour. Can you imagine going into the workforce and ‘gently’ explaining why you don’t want to do something you’re asked to do?

DS is 26 and still brings up the one time I snapped when he was about 8 and called him “a little shit”

Obviously not my finest hour but he must have deserved it in the moment! 😆

Keep it simple & focus on manners.

'You might have meant that as a joke, but it is hurtful. We don' t say jokes that hurt peoples feelings in our family. You are old enough to understand that. I know that because you tell funny jokes that really make me laugh - out of the room please until you can speak kindly.. '

'Repeat what you said in a respectful and kind way or X will happen'

'It's okay if you think something is boring - even if you think the whole holiday is boring, it is not okay for you to be rude to Dad and me - your consequence is...'

My own favourite - 'if you guys find the holiday boring, we can arrange a childminder to be with you when you are bored so Dad and I and X can enjoy it. Family holidays are for everyone, not just the kids, so if this behaviour continues, we will take a break from a while from it ourselves.'

Finally, ask yourself why they continued to get treats and experiences this week when their behaviour was so poor? What did they learn from that?

I know I am taking a very behavioural approach above, but I really think when behaviour is continuously rude, it is most effective. When you notice any positive behaviour, praise it to death, praise the positive behaviour of peers, don't just ignore it and continue buying treats!

Finally sending empathy, parenting is so bloody hard!

Don’t overthink it, he sounds like he’s been a little shit. Not perfect parenting but then are any of us ever! Enjoy your holiday

As a teacher and a mum myself, I think the original poster is thinking about the fact that if she said this to one of her pupils, she would get in serious trouble.
I treat my pupils and my own children very differently! My own children are told what I know they need to hear but I’m just not allowed to say the same things within the classroom.
This child clearly needed to hear this. They can’t continue to “joke” and hurt everyone’s feelings in the process.
In school, we wouldn’t be allowed to approach it in the same way. But I know a huge amount of teachers who have left the profession this year (most being exceptional teachers who are strong and firm) purely down to having enough when it comes to the behaviour of children.

You not being unreasonable to be frustrated by their behaviour, as a early experienced mum (large family, range of current ages) I would say don’t stress about it too much, is probably a reaction to the change in routine, excitement/over stimulation, screen time, sugar etc. Just try and give yourself some rest and recovery time, just as you would expect anyone to have in a challenging job, no screens a good idea for holiday, dial
down on alL the treats and just go back
to basics, routine, lots of exercise, sleep, don’t let them get hungry etc, look after yourself and don’t be a martyr. They’ll probably have a great time despite what they’re saying now

IMO it’s the good parents that confront the behaviour and deal with it. The rubbish ones are wet and let them get away with it and eventually create monsters.

I’ve voted you’re unreasonable for asking whether calling the 10 year old brat a brat is unreasonable - ‘being’? Are you serious?

I always find it bewildering when teachers give their own kids tablets when exposed to the impact on child behaviour every day. I'd start by getting rid of those for good.

No that is not what I meant, or I would have said that he was struggling.

He was hot and tried and fed up. That is not 'struggling', that's just a moment in life sometimes. He was pouting and moaning and sulking at the table, on a holiday that he wanted to go on and that his dad and I worked really hard to provide. I didnt just 'call him a name' who the hell does that? Equally I didn't say to him, poor darling how can I better support you?

I told him that this is everyone's holiday, not just his, and that his moaning and sulking was ruining it for the rest of us. I told him that he's lucky to be on holiday at all and to stop carrying on like a spoiled brat and behave politely at the table or we'd spend the first night having an early bedtime rather than doing something fun. He listened to my good advice 😁

What did that teach him about relationships? Hopefully that the sun and moon do not actually centre on him and not to be a spoiled brat!

@Ilovedisney2011 YANBU! Your description was accurate!!

As a teacher too, my biggest advice is "Don't pick up the rope"!!!! He is looking for a back and forth tug of war style argument. Don't give him it. Just say "OK" then dont reply again.

My 10-year-olds are being a nightmare too. Moaning about every activity. We are currently away for a few days and Ive decided the rest of the hols they can play at home and read books.

I’m sorry but what bollocks are you going in about? She’s talking about an isolated incident? If your kids are no contact or have told you about what they found hard as kids maybe you need to actually listen to their concerns.