To have called 10 year old a brat

Ilovedisney2011 · 2026-08-07T11:59:47+00:00

I’m a teacher so have the summer off with my children. I was so looking forward to it this year after a lovely summer off with them last year. They are age 10 and 8, both boys. They have both been absolute dicks all week. We’ve done plenty of fun activities together, swimming, play dates, half day holiday camp (eldest only, his request as a friend invited him), visiting family. They’ve had treats - ice creams, new books bought for them. They have had plenty of down time --lolling in pyjamas watching hours of tv and playing on tablets-- too. We are off on holiday tonight, flying later this evening. Youngest has repeatedly told me he’s not excited, eldest has just been a nightmare - rude to me and DH, teasing his brother relentlessly, constantly on at me to do things with him that he knows we can’t, like play board games we have already packed for the trip. He just said to me, I’m excited to get home from the holiday. It’s going to be rubbish. He often says provocative things like that and then says it’s a “joke”. He has been repeatedly told his “jokes” aren’t funny as everyone thinks he’s serious. I told him, calmly, that he is an ungrateful brat. I should have said “being”, but to be honest it’s not an isolated one off - it’s been all week, from both he and his brother, and I’m ready to scream at the pair of them.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 18/08/2026 09:29

It does them no harm at all to realise that they can push you too far. And that they are/were being a brat/a little shit.

Original poster

Ilovedisney2011 · 18/08/2026 09:15

Wow I can’t believe the replies! Catching up after 10 days away. Thank you everyone.

Sadly the behaviour didn’t improve on holiday, we had a lovely time because it was a big group holiday with family friends and my boys loved playing with their friends in the pool all day, but the fighting between the brothers and general rudeness to DH and myself continued.

DH and I are trying to look at our own behaviour as we are both quick to react to the DC sometimes so it’s a case of learned behaviour. We are in that awkward phase where nothing has changed though yet and the boys are still at each others’ throats - I would say perhaps slightly less rude to us though.

This summer has by far been the worst I’ve had with them, I was wallowing a bit when they were in bed last night as last year we had a fantastic one and I thought this is it, these are the golden years, they’re a bit easier with being older but still lovely enough to enjoy. The brothers have never been best friends but they have never fought as much as this. DH back in work now and I’m left refereeing. I can’t even leave them in the same room to shower as it is escalating very quickly!

OP posts:

Elaina87 · 10/08/2026 13:27

Nah, I've called my 8 year old daughter a brat on a couple of occasions. Not proud of it to be honest, but sometimes in the moment it comes out. Their behaviour is age appropriate though and not a reflection on them as overall human beings, I'm sure they will enjoy the holiday when they're there and be grateful one day!

Crochetandtea · 10/08/2026 13:17

Tinkalinkalink · 10/08/2026 09:29

I appreciate you are stressed and upset by the behaviour but calling your children dicks out of earshot or online is always unreasonable and so is calling a child a brat. There are always other ways of communicating with children rather than abusive language even when you are highly provoked.

🤣
Are your children your best friends in the world? If anyone dares look at them do you turn into ‘ mama bear ‘?

JudgeJ · 10/08/2026 09:35

HaveYouSeenMySerotonin · 08/08/2026 15:46

As a secondary school teacher and mother to a six year old girl who is absolutely capable of being a little brat sometimes, I'm so grateful for the sheer volume of common sense on this thread.

"Gentle parenting" or whatever it evolved into in the last ten years has destroyed the respect, resilience and socialisation generation.

And no, I'm not confusing it with permissive parenting.

I'm long away from the chalkface but even 20 years on I recall one of my year 10s asking me if she could report her Mum for calling her a little shit! When asked for the background which involved the girl hiding her younger sister's shoes every morning before school, I replied that I was totally with her mother she was most offended!

Tinkalinkalink · 10/08/2026 09:29

I appreciate you are stressed and upset by the behaviour but calling your children dicks out of earshot or online is always unreasonable and so is calling a child a brat. There are always other ways of communicating with children rather than abusive language even when you are highly provoked.

JudgeJ · 10/08/2026 09:25

Dobeebeedah · 07/08/2026 19:35

Our kids rarely had holidays away: Ourgate was always the normal holiday destination.

We were the same except we went to 'Argate!

JudgeJ · 10/08/2026 09:22

Crochetandtea · 07/08/2026 14:04

It’s worrying that you think you can’t call your child a brat when they are being brattish. You’re the boss!

The problem is, I think, that the sanctimonious wing of MN causes good parents to doubt themselves, the ones who children are perfect at home and school, top grades, every sports team going etc.. Tell yourself they're 99.9% either lying or delusional.

CurlyKoalie · 09/08/2026 18:11

I think you need to look at your parenting style. Your first words were " I'm a teacher" but these are your children, not your pupils. You are allowed to call them obnoxious, immature and spoiled if that's how they behave. You are allowed to be stricter with them than you are with pupils in a school. You can apply appropriate sanctions without permission from a line manager!
Your children sound very self centred and entitled. Do you and your husband really think it's acceptable for your children to behave like this? Set the boundaries that you both want and be strict about enforcing them otherwise you are making a rod for your own back as they get older. From the way I they speak to you and your husband, they have zero respect for you both.
You mention loads of treats but not one sanction in your entire post. Your husband also seems to be hanging back on enforcing any discipline too. Back each other up. The key is united expectations and clear consequences. Don't cancel a sanction because your son says " it was a joke" Just reply " Am I laughing ? ' and apply the consequences. Your sons will soon learn and will begin to appreciate how their behaviour affects the people around them.

SaulHudsonDavidJones · 09/08/2026 13:27

Sounds like my kids. You’re not alone. Were human. We have a limit before we break (as in calling them a brat; I don’t mean hurting them).

Oldwmn · 09/08/2026 13:24

ObelixtheGaul · 07/08/2026 13:18

You know what? Sometimes kids are brats. And sometimes it does them good to hear it said.

These are your children. Not the children in your class. You don't have to tiptoe around them in the same way. They aren't going to fall to bits because in a home that is generally loving, their mother once called them a brat.

I remember being a child, and I remember occasions when I needed to hear this or something similar. When I heard it, it was a good metaphorical kick up the backside.

60 years ago I threw a ridiculous tantrum about something or other but in my head I was thinking 'Shut up shut up, you're being a brat!'. I've never stopped being embarrassed about it😂

Monty36 · 09/08/2026 12:52

It depends how you said it. If you said it with your face close to his and almost shouting or you completely lost it then no, it is not alright.

If you said it but were calm and measured then probably okay. Although calling your son a brat is not a nice thing to hear. Will he have heard why you think he is one as that is what matters. If you told him why you think his behaviour is so bad you are calling him that then okay.
If you just called him a brat without the detail that is what he heard.

Zoda8 · 09/08/2026 12:18

Pathemata Mathemata (suffering teaches). I am sure you were never one of those teahers who blames parents for everything an announces in the staffroom the parents need to ‘get a grip’. I feel your pain, this is so upsetting. It will, if any consolation at all, make you wonderfully understanding of parents d : (

Ohdearnotthisagain · 09/08/2026 10:41

I think you were quite restrained! Ungrateful little sod.

MerryUmberHedgehog · 09/08/2026 10:38

I think brat is tame.

HumberSquid · 09/08/2026 10:34

Well, if the cap fits...

That said, not everyone likes holidays or the build up to them. One of mine would never chose to go on one, he tolerates it for my sake (and I am grateful to him for that).

likelysuspect · 09/08/2026 10:24

AmethystDeceiver · 09/08/2026 09:10

Not all feelings need to be acknowledged, they are not all valid. Some feelings such as, "I'm so unhappy and unlucky because they put parsley on the chips in France" need to be recognised as wrong. And bratty.

I suspect you will never believe me on this but you're not doing your kids any favours by teaching them otherwise. For what it's worth, my son is NT, a good traveller and a generally easy kid. My niece is autistic and would generally get distressed by parsley on a chip - that's not her being bratty, that is a sign of her struggles. My 10 year old can understand the difference, can you?

As I mentioned earlier I work with teens and my god we have let them down massively by teaching them that every emotion is valid and worthy of a response, that they are being hard done by if they have to 'repress' anything, that all of their worries and fears are actually Anxiety and that they cannot possibly be expected to push pass any of it or learn to recognise when they are being brats.

And if my son has learnt that at the end of a long hot day of travelling mum doesn't find my feelings on the suitability of chips important, best just to keep quiet and eat - well, win! That is a parenting win!!

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Oh you've said exactly the same as me but better, thank you

Totally agree.

likelysuspect · 09/08/2026 10:23

GentleparentJ · 08/08/2026 22:38

Discussing emotions and feelings is important - and a really important part of growing up. Listening would have worked well here, to understand what was at play.

Sounds like the child was hot and tired, pretty understandable that they got a bit fed up. As an adult it’s important not to jump into feeling offended, it is about the child and how they feel.

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Yes so you're hot and tired, so what? Doesnt give you the right to be a brat or a rude little thing. Thats what is important

The rest of the family were hot and tired too.

The more we centre children, the more grandiose and anxious they become. We are destroying children with your way of thinking, its so damaging, they cant manage it and turn inward with anxiety and self harm or turn outward into thugs. I see this at work all the time.

Sailingbee · 09/08/2026 10:08

Morelovelyandtemperate · 09/08/2026 09:31

Children's behaviour improves massively the second they are away from screens, in my experience. They go around making "art scapes" from pieces of nature, play real games, laugh even.
Screens are deeply, deeply damaging, in my opinion. I include adults in that.
Actually, I'll pop my phone in a drawer now for the rest of the day!

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Absolutely agree, we went screen free for a few months and our 6 year olds behaviour improved phenomenally. I could take him anywhere, friend’s or restaurants and he’d be happy just exploring their garden, doing an activity book in a restaurant. The meltdowns stopped and the first time I heard him say I’m bored again was ironically just after we’d introduced some limited screen time

Sailingbee · 09/08/2026 10:03

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 09/08/2026 09:34

Don’t give it another thought. It does them no harm at all to understand that you can be pushed too far.

Exactly, my parents were the most loving parents ever, never abusive but they would of certainly let us know if they thought we were being rude and we were brought up to realise unjustly hurting the feelings of anyone, adults, dogs, siblings was not acceptable. We felt important and valued and as an adult realised how much effort and sacrifice our parents had actually put into our upbringing but we were certainly not brought up to believe we were automatically more important than the adults or anyone else

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 09/08/2026 09:34

Don’t give it another thought. It does them no harm at all to understand that you can be pushed too far.

Morelovelyandtemperate · 09/08/2026 09:31

Ilovedisney2011 · 07/08/2026 13:09

The tablets are not coming on holiday @Iydrd ! It’s going to be a boring flight 😁

Children's behaviour improves massively the second they are away from screens, in my experience. They go around making "art scapes" from pieces of nature, play real games, laugh even.
Screens are deeply, deeply damaging, in my opinion. I include adults in that.
Actually, I'll pop my phone in a drawer now for the rest of the day!

Sailingbee · 09/08/2026 09:30

Teddybear23 · 08/08/2026 18:50

OMG ! I could have written this. My son had the best childhood a child could have had. Yet he reached his early to mid twenties and all of a sudden he had a traumatic and terrible childhood. He’s made it all up but now decides what he says is true. There is nothing I could do - took him to see a joint councillor but he wrapped her around his little finger. Sadly we are no longer in touch because I refuse to admit the lies he tells are true (he’s gaslighting me).

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This does seem to be an issue nowadays, I remember reading a thread on here of someone complaining that although their mother cared well for them they have now come to the conclusion she was a terrible parent for not appearing to enjoy motherhood enough 🤦🏻‍♀️ and this has now suddenly become a chip on their shoulder?! The posts of people complaining that their parents are not at their beck and call when they have their own children, making their grandchildren the centre of their world and actually dare to have a life of their own, spending ‘their’ inheritance etc. I know people who suffered real abuse and the devastating impact it has had on the rest of the their lives, it’s insulting to compare that to a the upbringing of a child who was basically loved, never put through trauma and cared for adequately. Often seems to coincidentally become an issue when something else in that teenager/adults life isn’t going as they wish, the parent then becomes a scapegoat

Goodmorningeveryone26 · 09/08/2026 09:17

GreenCaterpillarOnALeaf · 07/08/2026 13:35

He is being a wee brat. I remember once, me and my siblings were being bratty on holiday and my dad just said “right okay we’re just gonna do what mum wants. You kids will never be happy so you’re gonna be fucking bored out your mind doing walking tours. I’d rather she’s happy than yous!” And we spent the whole remaining week doing walking tours and history related stuff. No water park, no kids activities, just “boring” grown up stuff. And any dissent was met by a full on bollocking from my dad or the offending child being taken back to the hotel to sit in your room and read a book. Maybe you should do that?

In the end I actually really enjoyed that holiday but I definitely didn’t at first.

This is brilliant 😆

AmethystDeceiver · 09/08/2026 09:10

GentleparentJ · 08/08/2026 22:18

Yeah you just shut him down and didn’t acknowledge his feelings, only your own. Sorry, all you have done here is ‘taught’ him that the world doesn’t revolve around him, but you… All he learnt is that mum doesn’t find my feelings important, better to repress those feelings (not great for anyone, man or woman by the way).

(also, you called him a dick right at the start of your post, you don’t need to talk like that about him to a bunch of strangers).

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Not all feelings need to be acknowledged, they are not all valid. Some feelings such as, "I'm so unhappy and unlucky because they put parsley on the chips in France" need to be recognised as wrong. And bratty.

I suspect you will never believe me on this but you're not doing your kids any favours by teaching them otherwise. For what it's worth, my son is NT, a good traveller and a generally easy kid. My niece is autistic and would generally get distressed by parsley on a chip - that's not her being bratty, that is a sign of her struggles. My 10 year old can understand the difference, can you?

As I mentioned earlier I work with teens and my god we have let them down massively by teaching them that every emotion is valid and worthy of a response, that they are being hard done by if they have to 'repress' anything, that all of their worries and fears are actually Anxiety and that they cannot possibly be expected to push pass any of it or learn to recognise when they are being brats.

And if my son has learnt that at the end of a long hot day of travelling mum doesn't find my feelings on the suitability of chips important, best just to keep quiet and eat - well, win! That is a parenting win!!