DH's comment about my bikini has really knocked my confidence

How is that relevant?

Same. My bloke is totally honest and I’m very grateful.

@jessywxo if you’re still reading this ^ is NOT what you should do!!

if anything go get the tightest little crap you find and go parade in front of him!

i bet you look hot in that bikini and he’s just jealous !!!! No one would hurt you like this unless they’re insecure !

go enjoy your bikini!

I don't think you are being unreasonable.

Surely you’d wear it cause it makes you feel good…. So what he thinks is more important that how you feel?

Honestly it's hard to judge without seeing it. If it's a size 10 bikini and you're a size 16
now . It might have looked tight even if you could still wear it but it it's a case where you are up 8/9 pounds but it still comfortably fits that's a totally different thing.

Well you wouldnt fit in a size 10 bikini if you were a 16

When OP says she has put on a lot of weight, it cant be that much otherwise she wouldnt get in the thing at all.

His opinion was asked for though. He's not a mind reader to know that when OP asks what he's looking at, he should make something up.

Have you asked him before? You hear couples complaining to each other that they should have said something (clothes/hair whatever), so if you have asked him before, maybe he felt he was helping, or maybe he was worried about you showing off more than you wanted-I don't want to say anything rude and it might be irrelevant depending on your bikini, but when I was in ealry pregnancy, my bigger boobs made my top almost transparent.
If he's normally a good person, could have been meant well? Either way, say firmly you don't want him to say, and let it go. If he does it again, then that would be either nasty or very thoughtless.

But he didn't just come out with it did he, you pushed him and didn't like the answer he gave.

I understand why it upset you.

I also understood why he was surprised you were wearing something that’s likely too small a size for you currently.

Id try to frame your discussion with him differently. Youre not saying he did anything wrong and you’re not accusing him. You’re expressing how it made you feel - and you’re allowed to feel self conscious and a little criticised or shamed. Then give him somewhere to go from there - ask him to please try and avoid reacting to or commenting on your body in a negative way. Ask him to do this for you because you’re feeling sensitive about it and unhappy.

Tell him your headspace around this issue isn’t healthy or happy enough for honesty. That it’s currently - not forever - too much.

I came out of the bathroom ready to go and I saw DH give me a funny look.
I asked him what was wrong and he said "Nothing", but I said "No, what is it?"
Eventually he said, "I was just surprised you were wearing that bikini."
...I think there are some things you don't need to say unless someone actually asks.
...I just don't know if I'm overreacting, or whether he should have kept that thought to himself in the moment

I'm sure he probably wishes he had done a better job of controlling his expression immediately. But I think it's unfair to argue that he should have just kept that thought to himself when he did try to move on in the moment and not share the thought - you pushed for him to tell you what he was really thinking and he eventually gave in.

DH said something similar to me. He wasn't wrong I have put on weight. He didnt mean it nastily and to be honest I needed a kick up the (quite big) arse to get fit and lose weight.
Feel much happier now I am fitter.

I see some women and older teens walking round looking an absolute state. I can only assume either they don’t care, don’t own a mirror, or no one has told them that the outfit they chose looks terrible.
I would rather someone was honest with me than me go out looking like that thinking I look ok. When I was younger me and my girlfriends would always tell each other when an outfit looked bad. Now I can only assume they don’t

But op you pushed him, he didn’t offer it, you pushed till he told you then saw your arse as he did, and now you want people to agree with you he’s the issue.

can I ask what size were you when you met? How much weight have you gained.is part pf this you are concerned about how he feels about your weight gain?

If you dint wish him to comment on your appearance then don’t ask.

You are overweight and you pushed your husband for a response and he responded with honesty - your bikini was too small, it no longer sits smoothly on your size 18 body. Lose weight or get a bigger bikini, that's up to you, but you cannot passively aggressively punish someone who loves you for answering your question honestly.

You could if it had tie ups on the sides of the bottoms.

You obviously didn’t read my whole post before commenting and before getting your bikini knickers in a twist.

Yep that would have upset me to. Just as an interesting parallel, my kids constantly suggest I look minging in a bikini and are horrified when I wear one! I now need to be very firm with them that I do not want anybody else's opinion on my clothes or body, and that I aim for radical acceptance! Maybe you could have the same firm chat with DH. And then we just need to practice what we preach!

I have a rule of thumb with swimwear, I always wear a size bigger than I am so that it comfortably covers everything without the need to pull the knickers out of my butt every time I get up or down, in or out of the pool, the exception is coming down the kamikaze water ride ofcourse, then it’s just a given!

I actually do the same with normal knickers too. One size bigger.

So if you’re more like a size 18 these days, I’d recommend wearing a size 20 to look fabulous not a size 16, which is likely to show too much and make you look even bigger than you actually are.

You pushed him, so he answered, which makes you unreasonable.

However I dislike people commenting on my body. I have the opposite issue in that I've lost weight recently, but i really dislike comments on that too. So I totally get why you are unhappy with what he said x

It’s probably because you look different from the first time you wore it and it may look tight so he was genuinely surprised. Gently, op, he didnt actually say anything until you pushed him for an answer.

Well, given that OP practically forced him to say if I don't think it can be described as unnecessary. When he said "nothing" she could have left it at that, but she didn't so can't complain that he told her. I would rather someone told me something looked tight and then I could decide if I wanted to do something about that or not and I would also tell a partner if I thought something they were wearing didn't look quite right so they could make the decision for themselves.

OP I dunno wtf is going on with the responses but I’d be furious if it was me. Even if it was a bit too tight it’s not as if anyone is sitting round the pool looking at another persons bikini, you can wear whatever you like. I hate unsolicited advice especially if it is negative.