DH's comment about my bikini has really knocked my confidence

We're on holiday at the moment and this happened yesterday before we went down to the pool.

I'm late 20s and I've put on quite a lot of weight over the last few years and I'm not pretending otherwise. I don't look the same as I did a few years ago and when I met DH and I'm aware my body has changed.

I've sometimes struggled with my confidence because of it, especially when it comes to things like swimwear but I decided before this holiday that I didn't want to spend the whole time worrying about how I looked.

I brought a bikini that I've had for a while that I always loved and felt good in. It's definitely tighter than it used to be, but I didn't think it looked terrible. I felt comfortable in it and I actually looked in the mirror and thought I looked okay, which can be quite rare.

I came out of the bathroom ready to go and I saw DH give me a funny look.
I asked him what was wrong and he said "Nothing", but I said "No, what is it?"
Eventually he said, "I was just surprised you were wearing that bikini."

I asked him what he meant and he said that he thought it looked too tight and that they were digging in on me. He said he wasn't trying to be horrible, but he was only saying it because he'd rather I knew than walked around the pool feeling uncomfortable or looking silly.

I know he probably wasn't trying to hurt me, but it really upset me. I hadn't asked him what he thought. I wasn't standing there asking if the bikini suited me or if it still fitted, I was just ready to go.

Until then I actually felt quite good about myself. After he said it, I felt really self-conscious and ended up changing into a swimsuit because I didn't feel comfortable wearing the bikini anymore.

I spent the rest of the day feeling rubbish, which annoyed me because my weight and how I look is already something that bothers me and I was trying to make an effort to avoid that..

Last night I told him that his comment had upset me. He said he didn't understand why I was making such a big deal out of it because he hadn't said it to be mean or nasty. He said if he was wearing something that didn't fit properly, he'd want me to tell him. I said I would if he asked me, but I wouldn't just look at him and point something out that I knew would surely make him feel bad.

He's very 'black and white' sometimes and his view seems to be that couples should be honest with each other even if its not nice to hear. I think there are some things you don't need to say unless someone actually asks.

For balance and to be fair to him, he is normally a good husband and I don't think he was trying to be mean/cruel. I just don't know if I'm overreacting, or whether he should have kept that thought to himself in the moment

AIBU to be so upset over this?

We're on holiday at the moment and this happened yesterday before we went down to the pool.

I'm late 20s and I've put on quite a lot of weight over the last few years and I'm not pretending otherwise. I don't look the same as I did a few years ago and when I met DH and I'm aware my body has changed.

I've sometimes struggled with my confidence because of it, especially when it comes to things like swimwear but I decided before this holiday that I didn't want to spend the whole time worrying about how I looked.

I brought a bikini that I've had for a while that I always loved and felt good in. It's definitely tighter than it used to be, but I didn't think it looked terrible. I felt comfortable in it and I actually looked in the mirror and thought I looked okay, which can be quite rare.

I came out of the bathroom ready to go and I saw DH give me a funny look.
I asked him what was wrong and he said "Nothing", but I said "No, what is it?"
Eventually he said, "I was just surprised you were wearing that bikini."

I asked him what he meant and he said that he thought it looked too tight and that they were digging in on me. He said he wasn't trying to be horrible, but he was only saying it because he'd rather I knew than walked around the pool feeling uncomfortable or looking silly.

I know he probably wasn't trying to hurt me, but it really upset me. I hadn't asked him what he thought. I wasn't standing there asking if the bikini suited me or if it still fitted, I was just ready to go.

Until then I actually felt quite good about myself. After he said it, I felt really self-conscious and ended up changing into a swimsuit because I didn't feel comfortable wearing the bikini anymore.

I spent the rest of the day feeling rubbish, which annoyed me because my weight and how I look is already something that bothers me and I was trying to make an effort to avoid that..

Last night I told him that his comment had upset me. He said he didn't understand why I was making such a big deal out of it because he hadn't said it to be mean or nasty. He said if he was wearing something that didn't fit properly, he'd want me to tell him. I said I would if he asked me, but I wouldn't just look at him and point something out that I knew would surely make him feel bad.

He's very 'black and white' sometimes and his view seems to be that couples should be honest with each other even if its not nice to hear. I think there are some things you don't need to say unless someone actually asks.

For balance and to be fair to him, he is normally a good husband and I don't think he was trying to be mean/cruel. I just don't know if I'm overreacting, or whether he should have kept that thought to himself in the moment

AIBU to be so upset over this?

Surely you tried the bikini on before you packed it to go away? You say you’ve gained weight, well don’t we all. It’s not about whether you look good in a bikini it’s whether your old bikini still fitted you. I always size up when buying swimwear because I don’t like anything digging in me especially around my hips. I think the issue is that you already feel negatively about your body size. There isn’t a woman alive who doesn’t know what that’s like. But I wonder if DH has made comments in the past about your weight? I wonder what he looks like, got a perfect 6 pack has he? I doubt it. Don’t tie your weight to your worth or your self esteem or let it stop you from doing or wearing anything you like. Do keep an eye on how your DH makes you feel.

Stop eating crap, go to the gym, or run/walk - get fitter and you will get your confidence back! Stop making excuses and feeling sorry for yourself! Late 20s is the age where you can make impossible possible, not clinging to silly excuses; Kudos to your husband for being honest! Surprised that he still tolerates someone who is so unreasonable and lack of respect to maintain her physics and character

Oh wow 😮 what do you think you’re doing? Do you think speaking to people like that is going to make them take up a health and fitness regime? Shame on you for shaming another woman.

I don’t think it’s really about what he said or how he said it , I think it’s more about how you feel about yourself. You said you have gained weight and this has reduced your self confidence. It’s not unjustified to feel how you do but you are possibly a little sensitive because of how you feel about yourself and you’re projecting that onto him. Personally I’d rather my husband be honest and say if something doesn’t fit well or look good on me. From your post it doesn’t sound like you were 💯 on board with the bikini and just wearing something that fit and was the best out of a bunch. I would say to embrace your new post birthing shape, remind yourself your body has done amazing things and treat yourself to a new bikini/ swimwear that you can feel totally body confident in because you deserve it and forgive your husband his lack of tact once in a while. Show him your sexy self in your new swimmers.

It was an assumption because it’s mums net that she has children.

Again it obviously wasn’t if the op felt comfortable in it. It’s not for anyone else to make that judgement for her and certainly not anyone on the internet who have no way of knowing what it looked like on anyway.