DH's comment about my bikini has really knocked my confidence

You asked him for his opinion, twice, and are griping now that he’s given it to you.

Your confidence levels aren’t his responsibility. They’re yours. I’ve often worn things that DH would rather I didn’t leave the house in: I don’t give a shit. My body, I’ll wear what I want. He’s free to divorce me if I embarrass him that much!

The truth hurts sometimes op. He wasn’t cruel he just pointed out what you already knew.

It is very difficult when someone you love and are close to gains alot of weight.
It's a very sensitive issue and
It can seem impossible to address without the person feeling upset.
I talk from experience.

Yeah, you can't press for an answer, and then be angry when you get one.

This feels like one in a series of recent threads more or less exploring the same theme - in particular the thread about a man telling his postpartum wife sex was feeling different.

I feel as though people are trying to relaunch similar issues under different lighting.

Is it better to communicate and be honest in a relationship, or do we have a duty to keep our thoughts to ourselves ...

Sorry OP but he didn’t volunteer this information you pushed him to answer. It’s not fair for you to then blame him for what he said.
As much as it would knock my confidence I’d always sooner my DH was honest with me.

I'm sorry it knocked your confidence OP.

To be fair to your DH it sounds like he didn't set out to give you unsolicited advice - yes he gave you a funny look but that's more of an involuntarily reaction to something that surprised him, but then you had to ask him multiple times for the reason behind the funny look, surely knowing it was about the bikini. He didn't say you looked terrible either, he said he thought it looked uncomfortable.

It sounds like he was trying to be helpful. Men often don't have the same emotional response to weight gain becasue they are judged far less for it compared to women.

Is there somewhere at the hotel to buy s new bikini if you don't feel comfortable in that one now?

Honestly, yes, YABU. It doesn't sound like your husband was nasty, and you admit yourself that you wore an old bikini that fit your body when you were a bit lighter. You also admit that you looked just "okay" in it, so you already knew the bikini wasn't the most flattering. It sounds like you're not very comfortable in your current skin, so this kind of comment hits a sensitive nerve?

He didn’t body shame her, he said her bikini was too small for her, which it likely was.

if my husband gained a lot of weight and we went on holiday and he put on some trunks from before he gained and fhey were too tight I’d say something. I’d not see it as body shaming, as to do that I’d need to talk about his body, but damn right I’d say your trunks are too small for you, if they were, the fact he thought they were fine would be irrelevant to me, as sometimes we can’t see ourselves objectively, but there is no way I’d sit there with him in his too small swimwear thinking well if he thinks he looks good that’s all that matters

If your husband can’t be honest, who can? It’s good he didn’t want you out there looking silly or being ridiculed.

Possibly. Wearing something that is now too tight, I think id welcome feedback.

Also bikinis are extremely unforgiving. Give me a swimsuit with a tummy control panel.

He said if he was wearing something that didn't fit properly, he'd want me to tell him. I said I would if he asked me, but I wouldn't just look at him and point something out that I knew would surely make him feel bad

would you really not? You’d let him walk about bursting out his shirt, or too tight trousers and say nothing so he wouldn’t feel bad?

id not want that, im with him, id want to be told, and id want to tell, if your partner can’t tell you, who can, he’s only saying what others are thinking,

it doesn’t sound like he meant anything by it to upset you. You could you this as motivation to loose weight, get healthy and feel better about yourself?

'I think there are some things you don't need to say unless someone actually asks.'

You did ask OP, what did you want him to do when you pressed him for an answer? Lie?

Would you really not tell him if his arse was hanging out of his jeans, or his bathing trunks were being overhung by his paunch or his budgies were out of his smugglers? He might not care but it would be nice that he knew. I think he didn't want you to be embarrassed but if you were fine with it you should just do what you want

So you insisted he told you what he was thinking, and then you got upset because he told you what he was thinking?

Do you want to reconsider your position?

Sounds to me like he was being quite kind and diplomatic. He said it looks a bit tight, he could’ve said ‘you’re too fat for that’.

What a horrible response! OP please ignore this and all the other mean comments. I can’t believe 70% of people here think you are unreasonable!

Nobody should make a comment on your body. Not your parents, not your siblings not your friends, not strangers, and certainly not your partner. Bodies change, weight fluctuates, it’s a normal part of life. You didn’t even ask for an opinion either! He just gave it to you through his funny look. OP life is short and precious, wear the freaking bikini! You felt good in it and that is ALL that matters. One day when you’re older and wrinklier you will look back at photos of this holiday and think damn I looked good in that bikini if only I could have enjoyed it at the time rather than let my husband dampen my sparkle!

I can understand why you were upset, @jessywxo, I would've felt the same way and changed into a swimsuit ASAP.

Having said that, my DH has developed abit of a tummy and I'll confess that I've told him that certain tops aren't flattering. Perhaps I shouldn't but equally, I don't think that he would realize otherwise. If an outfit didn't flatter me, I suppose that I'd rather someone told me - although I'd be hurt too. It's difficult!

You’ve said yourself that you’ve gained a lot of weight since you bought the bikini and that it was it was tighter so his observation, that you pushed him to give, was pretty much the same as yours. Of course there’s a line between tight and too tight, it’s obviously up to you what you find comfortable, but I think you’re agreeing that it doesn’t fit as it used to/as it should. Also it might have been more revealing from behind or when you moved than you realised when looking at yourself dead on in the mirror. I don’t think he’s done anything wrong. If you didn’t want to hear it then you should have left it when he said ‘nothing’.

My dh would absolutely tell me if something didn’t look good, not to be mean or knock my confidence, but because he’s got my back. He expects me to do the same for him and really values it when I do.

But it doesn’t land the same way for me and I can’t articulate why. On the one hand, I do appreciate the intention, but something in female socialisation makes is so much more vulnerable to criticism of appearance, especially from an intimate partner.

It doesn't sound like a situation with a husband being deliberately mean or cutting, you wore something which didn't flatter your figure, and he was honest when pressed. I'd rather my husband told me, look that doesn't suit you, it makes you look bigger than you are than not say anything.

Don't ask someone's opinion unless you're prepared to hear what they think.

He tried to be tactful, then you pushed and he told you what he really thought. You know you've gained weight but you got upset when you heard something you didn't want to hear. That's unreasonable.