AIBU to not let my 17 year old daughter go to the cinema at this time?

The stepping stones you advised should’ve been stepped on long before the age of 17!

The advice is the mother deals with her anxiety and doesn’t put it on to her daughter! Her anxiety not reasonable for a 17 year old, deal
with her own issues.

Not true according to the 'Besafe' website amongst others. Unfair to blame the mother for taking safety seriously IMO

I dont understand the flippancy of some of these posts. Age 17 is a teen not an adult. Sure it would be great if women and girls were safe walking around and doing their own thing evenings and night times but that isnt the society we live in. Even as an adult a lone female faces many risks when out on their own - even in the daytime. Even female joggers face harrasment in the daytime and there has been some research on this which found almost seven in ten women report facing abusive or harassing behavior while exercising. Its all good and well encouraging freedom and removal of all thoughts of safety with someone else's teen daughter on the basis that 'I was fine'.

There are inherent risks in getting public transport and a female walking alone (adult or child) particularly at past midnight. Plus public transport often ends at particular times. Ive been stranded before now trying to get home. The folk encouraging the OP take risks and push her teen on to be independent and not consider the risks is IMO irresponsible. I say this as someone who has been sexually assaulted on public transport as a teen more than once and in broad daylight.

Devices and apps can help with safety such as this app and sharing locations: https://walksafe.io/blog/womens-safety-guide-to-walksafe/

https://www.imabi.com/blog/walking-alone

Sharing a location is sensible. Having an AirTag and a location on a phone is overkill. Getting out the car to wait in the cinema lobby and having her call her mum to tell her what screen she is in is absolutely ridiculous overkill for a near adult. Would you also suggest that if she goes for a wee at the Cinema she texts mum to let her know and let her know which cubicle she’s in and when she gets back to her seat? Any parent having that level of control and protectiveness with a 17 year old is the one with the serious problem. It’s not them being tracked by 1 device people object to.

Goodness my boy was working in a restaurant and coming out at midnight twice a week at that age. He also had many parties he’d go to. Only reason I’d ever be annoyed was having to collect him all the time. But that’s just part of having a teen. Cinema seems very tame, let her go.

Im glad to know you are the voice of the people thanks for letting me know.
They were simply ideas and suggestions to allow the teen to be able to goout and also feel safe. The suggestions note that they are 'with consent' so if the teen does not agree then its not a problem. I did not suggest she texts her mum if she wants a wee - you are exaggerating for effect to manufacture outrage and justify insults.

@Wooky073

you are right. OP could maybe go sit in the same film a few rows behind her daughter to make sure she is ok, couldn’t she.

oh and women and girls should not be out running

Advising others to get medication as you don’t agree with them is at best highly irresponsible.

I don't advise her to get medication and there is not a service for providing prescriptions on Mumsnet.

I do advise that if you feel anxious about your very nearly adult going to the cinema without you, you should consult your GP and follow the treatment she recommends.

This.

l was brought up in France because of dad’s job, but born in the UK. At 17 l was travelling solo between France and the UK to visit family and friends.

l used to phone mum to confirm arrival but nothing to compare with this.

I had a weekend job. l was also responsibly sexually active, but no wild child either.

She’s 17, not 11 and these ideas are way off.

Yes, I will always resent my parents for treating me like a potential criminal when I was her age and not letting me have a social life at all. I missed out on so much because of their neglect and seeing me as nothing more than a whipping post to threaten with the police constantly over nothing. Ironically never had any problems with the police. Never was arrested either.

I totally get it OP. My youngest DS turned 18 this June but last year I really struggled to be ok with the later nights. It takes some people (I appreciate not all!) longer to let go in that sense than others.
YANBU to worry, I think lots of parents are the same… but also YABU if you said no xx

Ffs she is going to the cinema

At 17 my daughter was working in a bar/restaurant.

this was a pain as it meant many Saturday night late pickups. We did have a reliable taxi driver until he became less so and had to be reported!

She is now a strong bolshy no nonsense young adult of whom I am extremely proud.

at some point you have to relax the controls

Weren't we all 😂👍🏼

Erm , in the nicest possible way ... you are being unreasonable ... she is 17 , watching a movie with a friend and your picking her up ? Even if she was getting a taxi I would let her go ... I have 3 kids youngest being 17 also and you have to let them live there life and have a bit of fun and freedom ... she's nearly an adult
.. you need to relax and stop over thinking things ... im sure she will be fine , let her go have some fun x

Omg ,,, too dramatic its ridiculous

You've moved her away from the place where her friends live. Is there a cinema local to you where she could see the film? They are not young for long. I used to pick my children up at 2.00am from parties, I'm very glad now that I did it because they remember it and are now prepared to pick me up from events when I don't want to drive. Just do it.

At 17 I'd been living independently over a year and been out past midnight many times, starting at age 14. Those years taught me a lot about staying safe and I learned through bitter experience, including date rape, multiple sexual assaults, being stalked and domestic abuse. My mother didn't give a shit and even if she had, she couldn't drive. Well done for taking good care of your girl but she does need to learn how to keep herself safe. Time to start giving her a bit more freedom.

At 17 she needs to experience some independence so she can build her own confidence, if you don’t let her do this it puts her more at risk as she’ll be totally naive . I was drinking in the pub at 17 and snogging boys isn’t that just normal teenage behaviour?!

There some truly strange people on MN. Where on Earth have you conjured up Ma sinking a few wines from?
She is clearly worried about her DD being out late.