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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not let my 17 year old daughter go to the cinema at this time?

512 replies

sweeel · 27/07/2026 15:54

Basically, my 17 year old daughter wants to go to watch the new Spider-Man movie at 845pm this Wednesday, and she's going to the town about a thirty minute drive from us because that's where her friend is (and this is a town we are very familiar with etc. we used to live here but it's still obviously not super near as a local cinema).

She'll reach there by about 730 and hang out with her friend for a bit till the movie but the movie is about 2 hours 20 mins + adverts so I don't think it'll be finished till close to 12am. Then I have to go and collect her and I'm really worried about her safety of being out so late at night and I feel like I shouldn't allow her to go because it's so late and it will be dark by that time obviously even though it's summer...

She booked this time because all the other times were sold out and she wanted to see it specifically on opening night but I'm having serious doubts.

OP posts:
Timeforachange26 · 29/07/2026 14:48

Whatevergoes2025 · 29/07/2026 14:36

Do people not read the news? The other day a man was sentenced for raping a 15 year old in Edinburgh city centre in the early hours. She had been at a bus stop.

So less likely to happen if sh had been in a taxi. There's always some bad people about. She could've been 25 or 35 and the same thing happen

Pinkchickenwine · 29/07/2026 15:06

Whatevergoes2025 · 29/07/2026 14:36

Do people not read the news? The other day a man was sentenced for raping a 15 year old in Edinburgh city centre in the early hours. She had been at a bus stop.

So what’s your suggestion? No one is ever alone on public?

Whatevergoes2025 · 29/07/2026 15:07

I suggested the mother pick her up as she’s 17…

Pinkchickenwine · 29/07/2026 15:09

Whatevergoes2025 · 29/07/2026 15:07

I suggested the mother pick her up as she’s 17…

Until what age? When would you deem it ok to travel alone? 18 (which presumably is a few months time?), older? Why would being 22 not 17 be safer? Why would a 17 year old not be learning to be street wise?

Isthismykarma · 29/07/2026 15:21

I’m in my 20s so not old or barely of a different generation.
At 17 we were going to festivals, clubbing, planning girls holidays, and our part time jobs often didn’t finish until gone midnight - have norms changed so much so quickly?

Peonies12 · 29/07/2026 15:23

Isthismykarma · 29/07/2026 15:21

I’m in my 20s so not old or barely of a different generation.
At 17 we were going to festivals, clubbing, planning girls holidays, and our part time jobs often didn’t finish until gone midnight - have norms changed so much so quickly?

I know, same here I went to Glastonbury when I had just turned 18, went travelling round europe with friends that summer, for a few years before that I'd worked evening shifts at a hotel and got myself home (cannot remember how!). Seems like parents are way more overprotective now, I feel sorry for the current teens to not have their freedom.

VestibuleWeaver · 29/07/2026 15:44

Whatevergoes2025 · 29/07/2026 14:33

Pick her up, but definitely no taxi/bus at midnight. Can’t believe people are recommending this for a 17 year old girl.

In Scotland, 17 year old girls (and boys) can attend university. Are you suggesting they should not be taking public transport or taxis late at night?

GrilledSandwich384 · 29/07/2026 15:53

The Edinburgh rape thing made me feel sick..I can understand why OP is worried.

Whatevergoes2025 · 29/07/2026 15:58

VestibuleWeaver · 29/07/2026 15:44

In Scotland, 17 year old girls (and boys) can attend university. Are you suggesting they should not be taking public transport or taxis late at night?

Show quote history

Yeah, I think it’s best avoided. Even if bus is ok, it’s the walking to/from bus stop.

Original poster
sweeel · 29/07/2026 16:01

dh280125 · 29/07/2026 13:55

Put her on the bus! C'mon. 17!!!

Show quote history

Tbh the bus route to home would be 2 hours and 18 minutes. She'd have to walk to the first bus stop about 10 mins away, take two buses, then walk 30 mins home. That's hardly feasible when I'm available to get her, and it's a 25 minute drive at night.

And I'm not putting my teen daughter into a taxi at 12am alone tbh, I don't know how people are not seeing that as risky. maybe I'm paranoid and it's not like it's a complete no if I'm ever not available she can go for it but I'm clearly available so why would I not get her?? Also taxis are expensive.

OP posts:
Whatevergoes2025 · 29/07/2026 16:04

Glad you see sense OP. It takes one unpleasant experience to shatter a 17 yr old’s self confidence.

Original poster
sweeel · 29/07/2026 16:05

Whatevergoes2025 · 29/07/2026 16:04

Glad you see sense OP. It takes one unpleasant experience to shatter a 17 yr old’s self confidence.

Thank you! I understand bad situations can happen at any time regardless, but I don't understand why it's a bad thing to do all you can to prevent these situations occurring. Yes I won't always be there but if I am there, I will be showing up. No one can deny that she is far more safe in my car than she ever would be on a bus or a taxi alone at night.

OP posts:
user1476613140 · 29/07/2026 16:06

Kids need to learn independence skills. I worry for the next generation. DS19 travelled aged 17 to New York and did sightseeing in Connecticut too whilst over there at Yale Peabody Museum amongst other tourist stuff. He travelled alone all that distance to meet his girlfriend at that time.

Parents need to learn to let go. It isn't healthy keeping them on a tight leash. Teach them the skills they need to stay safe. That's all that's needed. And wave them off.

user1476613140 · 29/07/2026 16:11

One of my 10yo's friends isn't allowed out to play without a parent. He has to be chaperoned at all times. Even the two minute walk to the local primary school which is visible from their front door. It's incredibly sad as he is such a lovely boy who can be trusted and needs to learn how to cope being outdoors without a parent at his side. He will be going to high school next August. I don't know how the mum will cope.

user1476613140 · 29/07/2026 16:13

VestibuleWeaver · 29/07/2026 15:44

In Scotland, 17 year old girls (and boys) can attend university. Are you suggesting they should not be taking public transport or taxis late at night?

Show quote history

I started uni aged 17 and had to get loads of buses around the uni city I stayed in. My halls of residence was on the outskirts of the city so I had to get a taxi or bus to get home.

user1476613140 · 29/07/2026 16:15

Peonies12 · 29/07/2026 15:23

I know, same here I went to Glastonbury when I had just turned 18, went travelling round europe with friends that summer, for a few years before that I'd worked evening shifts at a hotel and got myself home (cannot remember how!). Seems like parents are way more overprotective now, I feel sorry for the current teens to not have their freedom.

Show quote history

It's very concerning so many are living in a gilded cage and are not allowed out with friends unless under certain conditions etc. In Scotland you can get married aged 16😱

Pinkchickenwine · 29/07/2026 16:15

sweeel · 29/07/2026 16:01

Tbh the bus route to home would be 2 hours and 18 minutes. She'd have to walk to the first bus stop about 10 mins away, take two buses, then walk 30 mins home. That's hardly feasible when I'm available to get her, and it's a 25 minute drive at night.

And I'm not putting my teen daughter into a taxi at 12am alone tbh, I don't know how people are not seeing that as risky. maybe I'm paranoid and it's not like it's a complete no if I'm ever not available she can go for it but I'm clearly available so why would I not get her?? Also taxis are expensive.

Edited
Show quote history

It’s a risk of course, life is full of them! Why put her in a taxi at 10.00 am, isn’t that a risk?

Pinkchickenwine · 29/07/2026 16:17

Isthismykarma · 29/07/2026 15:21

I’m in my 20s so not old or barely of a different generation.
At 17 we were going to festivals, clubbing, planning girls holidays, and our part time jobs often didn’t finish until gone midnight - have norms changed so much so quickly?

No they haven’t! Some are seriously risk adverse!

Original poster
sweeel · 29/07/2026 16:17

Pinkchickenwine · 29/07/2026 16:15

It’s a risk of course, life is full of them! Why put her in a taxi at 10.00 am, isn’t that a risk?

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Some risks are more dangerous than other risks though and 10am and 12am are very different times.

I just don't see the issue tbh. She's capable of getting a taxi, however, I'm here to get her and so I'm happy to do that.

OP posts:
FloorWipes · 29/07/2026 16:18

OP sorry I'm such an overcautious person myself and I get the anxiety but she is 17. At that age I was living in a foreign country and my parents had no clue where I was at night.

user1476613140 · 29/07/2026 16:20

DearDenimEagle · 28/07/2026 22:09

Mine were going into the city aged 14….they got a taxi home...I was at 10 and walked the hour and a half home . You have to let them grow up. Parents job is to teach confidence and independence . Not baby them

We are absolutely failing our kids in this next generation if we don't let them have small bites of independence as they age from 10/11/12 onwards. They need to learn how to do stuff on their own. We are otherwise failing them.

I cannot believe what I am reading and this isn't an isolated thread on stuff like this. I just want to shout "let go" "trust your DD/DS".

Pinkchickenwine · 29/07/2026 16:27

user1476613140 · 29/07/2026 16:20

We are absolutely failing our kids in this next generation if we don't let them have small bites of independence as they age from 10/11/12 onwards. They need to learn how to do stuff on their own. We are otherwise failing them.

I cannot believe what I am reading and this isn't an isolated thread on stuff like this. I just want to shout "let go" "trust your DD/DS".

Show quote history

The voice of reason!

Pinkchickenwine · 29/07/2026 16:29

sweeel · 29/07/2026 16:17

Some risks are more dangerous than other risks though and 10am and 12am are very different times.

I just don't see the issue tbh. She's capable of getting a taxi, however, I'm here to get her and so I'm happy to do that.

Show quote history

I see a massive issue! It’s absolutely an issue that mother of a woman aged 17 would even consider she’s to be not allowed to go to the cinema? Why would that even enter your head?

Helicopter parenting to the extreme!

Poppystone · 29/07/2026 16:29

I'd be saying no because of the assumption I'll collect her way past my bedtime.

Other than that, fine. Perhaps she can stay with the friend?