Dd and her appalling dress sense!

(236 Posts)
Ifeelmuchlessfat Fri 30-Jul-21 15:27:43

I have a lovely bubbly 15yo dd.
She’s had her body issues over the years (12/13yo) as was always bigger and taller than her peers, but now somehow seems fine about herself. She’s very large chested and hipped with a small waist and big bum, so probably quite fashionable, but is also frankly a bit overweight but doesn’t care enough atm to reduce the sugar.
I’m very happy that she’s happy with her body. I was the same shape and very self conscious and have done everything I could to ensure she is confident in herself.

However… I’m finding it difficult to not comment negatively on her dress sense as it’s SO revealing. She’s proud of her boobs, wears crop tops with spaghetti straps and tiny shorts she’s falling out of. She’s just bought a dress which manages to show off her legs, boobs AND stomach confused

It’s just so… tarty.
I don’t want to hurt her feelings, and she thinks she looks lovely, so I’m obviously not saying what I really think.

Any advice? Do I just shut up and wait for her to grow up?

OP’s posts: |
SiSiSi Fri 30-Jul-21 15:29:27

Well fuck me. Where do I start!?

Zarene Fri 30-Jul-21 15:31:37

Yes, you shut up.

Your poor DD.

freelions Fri 30-Jul-21 15:32:07

I would keep your mouth shut

Only offer an opinion if she asks

GetTaeFuck Fri 30-Jul-21 15:32:48

Wow, talk about internalised misogyny.

Let your daughter wear whatever the fuck she wants.

SiSiSi Fri 30-Jul-21 15:33:15

I just keep rereading confused and it doesn't get any better. I hope to goodness that you don't talk to your daughter like that?

Comedycook Fri 30-Jul-21 15:33:33

I think if you do bring it up, you should focus on the revealing aspect of the clothing rather than her size

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MK19590 Fri 30-Jul-21 15:33:34

I have no words.

Aquamarine1029 Fri 30-Jul-21 15:34:01

You're her parent, you SHOULD be telling her what you think, and you should be putting your foot down. What she is wearing is totally inappropriate for a girl her age, and in my opinion a girl/woman of any age. Other people can wear whatever the hell they want, but your child, no. She needs direction and guidance from you, not silence. When she's an adult, she can do as she pleases.

SleepingStandingUp Fri 30-Jul-21 15:34:32

Well i think it depends.

Grandads funeral, a smart meal for your Anniversary, an interview for college etc. Yes you should be directing her towards something appropriate but not by shaming her choices.

General daily wear? Nah, she'll work it out. How do her friend's dress?

Megan2018 Fri 30-Jul-21 15:35:32

Leave her to it

But photos will be mandatory for her 18/21st - we all have photos of looking shocking as a teen. It’s expected.

I’m of an era of frosted lipstick, hairsprayed spiral perms and a lot of army surplus. I looked ridiculous. But I thought it was brilliant at the time.

Etceteraaah Fri 30-Jul-21 15:37:39

Don't say anything. My mum used to always make negative comments about my hair, make up, clothes etc when I was a teen- it never stopped me from doing all the things that she disliked, but it did make me feel humiliated and self-conscious, as well as defiant and angry at her.

RisingSunn Fri 30-Jul-21 15:39:07

You need to tell her. You’re her parent. You just need to phrase it differently. She’s too young to be dressing like that. She can do what she wants when she’s an adult.

IWantT0BreakFree Fri 30-Jul-21 15:40:50

Given that 99% of your post has to do with her body shape you really need to examine your thought process here and think about what it is that you actually have a problem with.

IMO some of her clothes sound inappropriate for a child to be wearing. However your issue seems to be almost entirely based on what her body looks like in the clothes, and your OP is reading as though you would be fine with her choice of outfits if she were skinny.

Also "tarty"? God you sound like my (extremely prudish, extremely judgemental) mother. A female's choice in clothing does not signify anything about her sexual behaviour whatsoever.

Quartz2208 Fri 30-Jul-21 15:41:39

Your user name speaks volumes I think about your own body issues and clearly how you feel about yourself is now spilling over into your daughter.

Your posts is filled with little comments about actually how you arent sure how she is happy with herself and her figure.

Leave her to it - she isnt you

WorriedWishingWell Fri 30-Jul-21 15:43:37

Would you be so bothered if she was a size 8?
confused

nonotmenotI Fri 30-Jul-21 15:46:21

My mum would tell me my clothes did me no favours and that I was over weight. It didn't suit my body shape or my puppy fat. I was sent to a diet clinic when I was 13 because she was so unhappy with my weight.

Do not behave like my mother, trust me when I tell you that she will never forgive you for the low self esteem you will cause her.

TheMarzipanDildo Fri 30-Jul-21 15:46:34

Aquamarine1029

You're her parent, you SHOULD be telling her what you think, and you should be putting your foot down. What she is wearing is totally inappropriate for a girl her age, and in my opinion a girl/woman of any age. Other people can wear whatever the hell they want, but your child, no. She needs direction and guidance from you, not silence. When she's an adult, she can do as she pleases.

I think it’s only appropriate for a 15 year old grin

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult Fri 30-Jul-21 15:46:53

It sounds like you have issue with her clothes because you think she's too fat for them.

Maybe you need to work on your attitude before critiquing her.

SleepingStandingUp Fri 30-Jul-21 15:47:50

RisingSunn

You need to tell her. You’re her parent. You just need to phrase it differently. She’s too young to be dressing like that. She can do what she wants when she’s an adult.

So what bit can she show? Her knees? Ankles? If her knickers are covered, whats so offensive about her thighs? And stomachs - people are so weird about women showing their stomachs. Lads and men can, absolutely fine. But females do and its suddenly sexual. It's just a belly

Breasts i do think it depends on what's on show, but buying decent, well fitted bras will ensure shes not flashing nipples etc.

Datingandnoideahowto Fri 30-Jul-21 15:48:27

I’m speechless.

ZeldaPrincessOfHyrule Fri 30-Jul-21 15:50:55

OP the first conversation you need to have is with yourself, you need to be honest about what you're thinking here. Almost anything you say to her about this has the potential to be deeply damaging: tread carefully.

Mamette Fri 30-Jul-21 15:53:18

Just let her wear whatever she likes, and in fact compliment her no matter what you’re really thinking. Especially if you can see she’s made a extra effort.

IME this very short dress phase does not last too long, DD is 20 now but wore super-short things around the 14/15 mark. Now she wears ripped mom jeans or and DMs and fleeces that people would have worn skiing in 1983.

QuentinBunbury Fri 30-Jul-21 15:53:22

Oh god, solidarity here. My 15yo dd and her best friend went out in effectively bras (very skimpy soft bra tops) last week, I was very conflicted. On one hand I want her to be confident wearing what she wants, onthe other I was worried she was going to get harassed by men for having everything out there!
The fashion at the moment is very pornified imo and teenagers want to be fashionable. It's awful.
I have no advice , I just think some posters haven't really clocked on to what teen girls wear at the moment. It's shock

pinkyredrose Fri 30-Jul-21 15:54:45

Tarty?

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