Dd and her appalling dress sense!

[Ifeelmuchlessfat]

I have a lovely bubbly 15yo dd.
She’s had her body issues over the years (12/13yo) as was always bigger and taller than her peers, but now somehow seems fine about herself. She’s very large chested and hipped with a small waist and big bum, so probably quite fashionable, but is also frankly a bit overweight but doesn’t care enough atm to reduce the sugar.
I’m very happy that she’s happy with her body. I was the same shape and very self conscious and have done everything I could to ensure she is confident in herself.

However… I’m finding it difficult to not comment negatively on her dress sense as it’s SO revealing. She’s proud of her boobs, wears crop tops with spaghetti straps and tiny shorts she’s falling out of. She’s just bought a dress which manages to show off her legs, boobs AND stomach

It’s just so… tarty.
I don’t want to hurt her feelings, and she thinks she looks lovely, so I’m obviously not saying what I really think.

Any advice? Do I just shut up and wait for her to grow up?

[pinkyredrose]

Any reason why you've posted this?

[FatimaWhale]

It must be so difficult as mum of a teenager. I often see teenage girls dressed really inappropriately and it makes me cringe. You definitely need to talk about what is more suitable to be wearing, however that’s easier said than done! Good luck

[ODFOx]

I have a 16yo with oppositional disorder so whatever I say will be opposed aggressively.
It took a while but by asking her what she considered day wear, formal, clubbing etc we found a way. I cannot tell a lie it did take a while, but because of the discussion she came to see that if you wander the shops in vampy club wear then there's no way to step up your look. Now I can say 'are you comfortable for dog walking?' And she'll have a look and say 'yup, I'm keeping my cardi on' or 'oops, give me 2 minutes I'm going to change my top'. They find their own way in the end once they are adults we parents have to shush. In between we do get a say, as long as we can administer our wisdom in small non-confrontational bites!

[TSSDNCOP]

Right, you've got a lovely 15 year old who is self-confident and enjoying life.

Two choices here: you can do what my mum did which wince inwardly, encourage positively and put your foot down occasionally.

Or you can be my friends mum, who gave money, openly criticised, compared everyone to her in a way that crippled her in so many ways and put her foot down indiscriminately.

Tread carefully, you don't get a second shot.

[CandyLeBonBon]

@Ikeeponkeepingon

Jesus OP you sound like my mum when I was that age, except she said it to my face and constantly completed my size 6 freind wearing almost identical clothes. I have been on a constant binge/purge cycle for 20 odd years. Keep your opinions to yourself.

Same.

[Katypyee]

Do not let your own (previous) body issues influence how your confident DD dresses.

It is her body. If she is happy with what she is wearing then that is great. If she asks you for advice then you can offer some constructive feedback. However, she has not.

Anybody looking at her in a an inappropriate way has the problem not her.

She is just wearing what is currently fashionable. Might not be your cup of tea but not your body.

[IonaLeg]

Don’t say anything. I still cringe and feel shit when I remember how my mum used to call me tarty when I wore spaghetti straps etc as a teen, and it was 20 years ago.

Her body, her clothes, her fashion sense, her choices. Your job to tell her she’s beautiful and keep any negative comments buried very deep inside.

[Ikeeponkeepingon]

Jesus OP you sound like my mum when I was that age, except she said it to my face and constantly completed my size 6 freind wearing almost identical clothes. I have been on a constant binge/purge cycle for 20 odd years. Keep your opinions to yourself.

[pleasedonttextmyman]

In that case I would really worry about what kind of young male is interested in the affections of 15 year old girls .

My DS and his friendship group have always been very clear that going out with a girl more than one school year younger would be weird / distasteful . Even in terms of 17/15.

Who said anything disagreeing with that?

Girls trying to make themselves look older and being interested in older guys doesn't have to mean the young men WILL be remotely interested let alone act?

MN is weird, always contrary for the sake of it.

[Shutupyoutart]

Oh this is so hard, I get it,you want her to be able to express herself but also don't want her being subjected to harassment . Honestly though op I think you have to let her find herself, anything you say could just cause her to rebel, we've all experimented with clothes as teens I wore some very questionable outfits in my time aswell..the best thing you can do is to teach her how to handle any unwanted attention and to within reason just let her find herself chances are she will look back on some of those outfits and cringe 😂 plus side it's wonderful that she has so much body confidence it's so important for women to love themselves and know their worth sounds like you have done a great job with her :)

[Preech]

It sounds like you and your DD found a way you're both happy with, OP.

The 15 year old at ours had a lot of "what's appropriate/inappropriate" chat well before she turned 15. Stores were trying to sell her age set high heels, makeup sets, and little skirts back when she was in primary.

Personally, I do choose different outfits to send different messages about myself. When I need to project a professional image to the public, the suit jacket I otherwise never wear comes out. Back in the days when I was clubbing and on the pull, I certainly wasn't wearing a baggy jumper and joggers--it was bum-skimming bodycon dresses and sky-high heels and makeup. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Teen considers what message she'd like to send with her clothes, like we all do, if we're being truly honest with ourselves. Sometimes, her message is: "I just want to slob around and sleep and be really comfy today." Sometimes, it really is: "I'd like to feel a bit attractive, please". Since she's aware of the idea, and seems confident about her choices, we mostly leave her to it.

I think I'd be more inclined to intervene at her age if she was choosing really sexy looking stuff (like, a bra and see-through top, and butt-flashing skirt, and heels) and yet seemed genuinely ignorant about projecting a "sexy" image to people. Because when you sex it up, it does draw attention. That's the point.

But since she's aware after all, she seems to have given her own boundaries some thought, and has her own lines she wants to draw.

[Holothane]

40 years on from being told I was fat, a tart for wanting nice underwear at 19, I still don’t like my body at least today I can live in baggy jeans, enjoy my tattoos and belly button piercing, the damage is long lasting.

[ShimmyYay]

I don’t know why you’re getting such a hard time on here. Appears that most seem to think a parent shouldn’t have a say which I completely disagree with. When you’re a teenager your parent should guide you and not just turn a blind eye! If I was wearing super revealing clothes at that age I know sure as hell my parents would be telling me to put clothes on! And I will be doing the same for my daughter when she gets older!

[mcmooberry]

I would hate this too OP but have no idea what I would say so as not to cause an eating disorder (one of my worst fears). Certain clothes suit certain body types and that's all there is to it, she will look fabulous in some things, try and direct her towards those if it is somehow possible....

[Alfiemoon1]

My dd was probably 16 as she had a part time job and bought the clothes herself if I said there’s no way you are going out like that she would of just got changed at her mates so I opted for advising her what looks good on her. She came home with denim shorts showing off most her bum cheeks once so when we went shopping I got her to try some on in top shop that were fitted but came just under her bum cheeks she agreed they looked much more flattering and showed off her figure better and were trendy If I had said the ones she bought looked awful refused to let her wear them out the house she probably would of done it all the more instead she never wore them and they ended up in the charity bag

So i think it’s all about how you approach this

[itsallaboutschmoo]

@sergeilavrov

She already knows your feelings, I guarantee it. Please address the way you think about your daughter's body, and weight. It may be worth talking to someone about why you associate certain judgements and feelings with her aesthetic. The idea that she's endangering herself is victim blaming, and incorrect: most women are raped by people they know, and not withstanding what they wear. It's often pyjamas. Women are not at fault for being selected as victims of rape: the entire responsibility lies with men. Any narrative to the contrary merely redirects important pressure away from where it's needed the most: on rapists.

I developed a severe ED as a result of my mum's judgement, silent and otherwise. I almost died, and every day of my life is an effort to push away my tendency to starve myself. Our relationship has never fully recovered. Do not condemn your daughter to the same. I'd be thrilled she was confident - her body, her rules.

Fucking all of this

[shinynewapple21]

@pleasedonttextmyman

That she should not hook up with him 20yo because she has agency to make good and sensible decisions for herself.

what teen girl is not interested in "older guys" and wouldn't be flattered to have a 20 yo boyfriend...

I don't know any 15 yo girl who even looks at someone their own age, as they are too "baby"! (they might even have a point to be fair..)

In that case I would really worry about what kind of young male is interested in the affections of 15 year old girls .

My DS and his friendship group have always been very clear that going out with a girl more than one school year younger would be weird / distasteful . Even in terms of 17/15.

[ufucoffee]

@wordsareveryunnecessary I totally agree

[wordsareveryunnecessary]

People are being unkind to you OP. I understand that you want your daughter to look her best and the clothes are inappropriate. My mum told me if I certain clothes didn't suit me and I'm glad she did

[jenkel]

I would not be happy with my dds going out dressed like that at 15 whatever their body shape.

I was worried about youngest dds weight when she was younger, she was very plump, I was just careful over what food was available to her,, she is now a size 8, she never knew I was concerned.

[Mockolate]

YABU.
Leave her alone FFS, you say she's body confident which is good, so leave her be!
Sounds like you're the one with the issues. don't be projecting them onto her or making her feel crap.

[TeachesOfPeaches]

Her body type is the fashion at the moment OP. It's very different to what we grew up with in the 90s where Kate Moss was the ideal.

I imagine she also follows lots of curvy women on social media which give her confidence.

If she's happy then let her enjoy herself.

[bringincrazyback]

@GivenchyDahhling

Oh come on, this can’t be real, especially with the OP’s username. Nobody in real life would go on the internet to disparage their own daughter’s body like the OP.

I wouldn't be so sure about that.

[RickOShay]

Oh yes are you warm enough is a good one!
DD’s retort to that? Hos don’t feel the cold