Dd and her appalling dress sense!

[Ifeelmuchlessfat]

I have a lovely bubbly 15yo dd.
She’s had her body issues over the years (12/13yo) as was always bigger and taller than her peers, but now somehow seems fine about herself. She’s very large chested and hipped with a small waist and big bum, so probably quite fashionable, but is also frankly a bit overweight but doesn’t care enough atm to reduce the sugar.
I’m very happy that she’s happy with her body. I was the same shape and very self conscious and have done everything I could to ensure she is confident in herself.

However… I’m finding it difficult to not comment negatively on her dress sense as it’s SO revealing. She’s proud of her boobs, wears crop tops with spaghetti straps and tiny shorts she’s falling out of. She’s just bought a dress which manages to show off her legs, boobs AND stomach

It’s just so… tarty.
I don’t want to hurt her feelings, and she thinks she looks lovely, so I’m obviously not saying what I really think.

Any advice? Do I just shut up and wait for her to grow up?

@GetTaeFuck

Rapists will rape whatever the clothing. Revealing clothes do not attract rapists

OP - what exactly do you mean by she shows “more flesh” than she would if she were a size 8? That reads as if what you actually mean is, that you think she’s fat, and is showing fat, and you’d have no issue with the clothes if she were slim.

Eww.

Probably means a size 8 15 year old has a flatter, less attention grabbing chest.

Op is calling a spade a spade.

For those saying "Put your foot down", all that will happen is that a) you'll make her overly conscious about how she looks (heaven forfend she might have more skin on display than her smaller friend) and b) she'll go out in the clothes she wants to wear anyway by getting changed when she's out of your sight.

My mother no doubt disapproved of clothes I wore when I was that age (which sound remarkably similar to what your daughter is wearing...) but at least she let me get on with it. If my parents had tried to stop me it would just have added to the things I rebelled over.

I would like her to dress more conservatively

What would make you happy - a habit and wimple? And at what age were you planning to let her wear what she wants?

Ah right, so now big breasts must all be covered at all times until a child is 18?

Jesus fucking Wept.

But sadly, she'll get unwanted attention whatever she wears. Look at the many threads on here about it.

It's bloody depressing how people can't be bothered to guide and care about their teen and refuse to be involved!

@GetTaeFuck

Ah right, so now big breasts must all be covered at all times until a child is 18?

Jesus fucking Wept.

What's wrong with that?

If your concern is primarily about the style of the clothes why are you dragging her weight into this? That's bloody awful.

I have 3 daughters, youngest is 13, others in their 20s.
Middle ground for me. Clothes had to cover them reasonably well. I would chat with them about their clothes. I also had a full length mirror by the door so that they could have a good look, front and back before leaving the house(eg for see through leggings).
It is important to parent your children and give direction imho.

@pleasedonttextmyman

Mamette

I have 2 teens and 2 primary school kids at home. I DO have a clue, even if you clearly don't agree with my parenting.

Well let’s agree to disagree then shall we. Allowing teens to express themselves through their clothes is not “lazy”, IMO.

My DD and every single one of her friends went though a phase of wearing tiny short dresses around this age. None of them is “a nightmare” and they have all grown up to be smart and well accomplished young women.

Certainly they knock spots off my generation at that age in the self-confidence stakes.

You don't see anything wrong with a parent this negative about their child's body and attitude to it? Right you are.

@whistlers so now we’re body shaming teenage girls, telling them their big boobs are the reason they get hassled by other teen boys/men? So it’s their fault? Are you real?

Absolutely fucking not.

men will do things like rape regardless of what we are wearing as women. Her wearing these clothes is not an invitation, and nor would it be a reason

Rapists will rape whatever the clothing. Revealing clothes do not attract rapists hmm

1)There are plenty of unpleasant things men do that aren't rape, that revealing clothes do encourage. Cancelling, groping etc. Men shouldn't do it, but they do. I worry for my daughter when she goes out in revealing clothes

2. Rapists don't rape because of clothes, but certain ways of dressing canbe used to put doubt into the jury so they get off. There was a case where a man was accused of raping a teenager he didn't know, and he got off because she was wearing a lacy thong so clearly wanted sex with a stranger I don't want my daughter in a place where she can be disbelieved for what she's wearing.

Just for an illustration, my DD and her friend basically went out for a walkat 9pmwearing these kind of tops and mini skirts

m.jdsports.co.uk/product/brown-calvin-klein-underwear-modern-cotton-leopard-triangle-bra/16144301/?cm_mmc=googleshop--google--shopping-_-pla&istCompanyId=9c5cf6f7-3142-4f9f-be57-2fce9c67adfd&istFeedId=014e8b49-620d-4e56-9e87-79529c403af2&istItemId=ptlqtaqtl&istBid=tzwt&gclid=CjwKCAjwxo6IBhBKEiwAXSYBsz1DpKIFgm3J7O-jcN981Qo5d9j6zPxmRJPGahq0WroPxOSEeIx-wxoCdssQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

Tell her very explicitly that what she chooses to wear has absolutely nothing to do with how she should expect other people to treat her

That's true but what she should expect and what she will actually get are two different things. Body positivity is all very well but the chances are someone will make an unkind comment. We can say 'Well people shouldn't say these things...' until we are blue in the face, the brutal fact is that they will. DD would do well to develop some putdowns.

I have nothing against short skirts or crop tops but I don’t want to see a lot of boob or bum cheeks unless I’m on the beach. Time and a place and I would speak up and say that to my 17&20 yr old.They don’t want too much out anyway because of the looks and stares.Great that she so confident though, you’ve done a good job op.

Mamette

I hear the same about toddlers! (different reasoning, obviously) but how parents should let them wear what they want, let them "express themselves" and so on.

You can express yourself without being inappropriate, that's the point.

Some of us managed!

Great post vicious

[quote GetTaeFuck]@whistlers so now we’re body shaming teenage girls, telling them their big boobs are the reason they get hassled by other teen boys/men? So it’s their fault? Are you real?

Absolutely fucking not.[/quote]
No. Where did I say that?

It depends -- on whether she is going to a friends to hang out or going clubbing and making her own way home at 3am.

She is probably meeting friends who are dressed similarly.

I don't see how you can comment without it sounding like criticism.

I'm sure she hates your dress sense too

Maybe you could dress similarly OP - I mean, it's just being fashionable

the best one I have seen - haven't tried - was to wear identical clothes yourself, ideally if you are the dad.

Works a treat!

Hi Op, I wouldn't want my daughter dressing the way you've described either. I would speak to her. For me 15 is too young to be spilling out of clothes, imo.

@pleasedonttextmyman

the best one I have seen - haven't tried - was to wear identical clothes yourself, ideally if you are the dad.

Works a treat!

Brilliant 😂

@QuentinBunbury

Oh god, solidarity here. My 15yo dd and her best friend went out in effectively bras (very skimpy soft bra tops) last week, I was very conflicted. On one hand I want her to be confident wearing what she wants, onthe other I was worried she was going to get harassed by men for having everything out there! The fashion at the moment is very pornified imo and teenagers want to be fashionable. It's awful. I have no advice , I just think some posters haven't really clocked on to what teen girls wear at the moment. It's

I think you're doing the right thing by holding off. My mum was very clear about what she saw as tarty or unflattering dressing, and looking back I wish I'd had a chance to be a slightly trashy 15 year old like my mates - instead I felt a bit ashamed of my growing body, which was curvier than hers and my sister's.

It's different if she's going out for the night wearing a ton of makeup and clothes that might give the impression she's much older - but even then, my experience was that even as a teenager dressed as a maiden aunt, you get a ton of creeps at that age, unfortunately.

Putting a different spin on it I used to wear revealing clothes as I had awful self esteem and just wanted boys to look at me as I felt I was ugly and my figure was all I had. I wish someone had helped me be a bit more subtle.

You'd never have known by meeting me as I was that happy bubbly teenager.

Yes. YABVVVU. Take your own advice and shut up.

I can see both sides of this. With oldest DD I could say "Oi missus that's a bit short, or stop flashing" and we could honestly have a giggle.

I kind of think that if you were shopping with a really good friend then you'd be able to tell her if she was barking up the wrong tree with an outfit choice.

OP isn't calling her out every single time, she's looking for a gentle way to help, well that's what I gleaned from the original post.

Maybe saying "you look lovely it that sweetheart but I really like the other dress/outfit the best... but then I'm not down with the kids etc"

Mine is a similar age and into Anime... we have only black, plus netty gloves and stripy socks... it's only going to get worse... I had to talk her out of some interesting cos play stuff she'd put into her Shein basket!!! 😳😳😳