Jokes which make you feel a bit clever

[noblegiraffe]

It has been a long term, how about something a bit more light-hearted? I'll start:

Today I couldn't remember the Roman numerals for 51, 6 or 500.
I was LIVID.

Three cats sat on a roof. Which one slid off?
The one with the lowest mew.

Two cats, called OneTwoThree and UnDeuxTrois were having a swimming race across the Channel. Which cat won?
OneTwoThree cat, because UnDeuxTrois cat sank.

[allegretto]

The one about binary numbers - but am obviously not that clever as I can't remember it!

[BertrandRussell]

A crumpet says to a bagel "What's your star sign?" The bagel says "I'm a torus"

[noblegiraffe]

Bertrand

There are 10 types of people in the world. Those who understand binary, those who don't, and those who didn't expect this joke to be in ternary.

[ScreamingValenta]

Pretending I didn't have to Google the mew joke

[TeenTimesTwo]

Well you've done the binary joke, and that's all I can think of right now.

So (not quite in the intention of the thread and a bit stereotypical):
How can you tell an extrovert engineer?
He looks at your shoes when he's talking to you.

[EggysMom]

How do mathematicians scold their children?

"If I've told you n times, I've told you n+1 times ...."

[TeenTimesTwo]

noble great thread.

ps They don't have proof by induction in GCSEs do they?
Is it on the A level syllabus? I think I did it way before A level, but I might be misremembering.

[MollyHuaCha]

The one with the lowest mew

Sorry, don't get it. Can someone explain please?

[runningoutofjuice]

I know this is in secondary ed but a primary one for you -
What's another name for Santa's elves? Subordinate clauses

[runningoutofjuice]

Come on Molly, just google it like me and Valenta

[LaBelleSausage]

Why don't mathematicians go on holiday?

You don't need to go away for a tan when you can just divide sine by cosine.

[MollyHuaCha]

Just googled.

Now I understand.

[afishnotabird]

Why do people have two lungs?

Because they’re pleural

[LaBelleSausage]

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.

The first says, “One beer please.”
The second says, “Half a beer please.”
The third says, “I’ll have a quarter of a beer...”

Before anyone else can speak, the barman fills up exactly two glasses of beer and serves them.

“Come on, now,” he says to the group, “You guys have got to learn your limits.”

[vvviola]

This one

[TeenTimesTwo]

[TeenTimesTwo]

Not a joke, but I will now prove that 1=2:

Let a=b
So ab = b^2
and ab-a2=b2-a^2
factorise a(b-a)=(b+a)(b-a)
divide each side gives a=a+b

So if a=1, then also b=1

and 1=2 Ta da!

[Violletta]

my favourite


Two chemists go into a bar. The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O." The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" — and he died

[LaBelleSausage]

Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15*C and still be 0k?

[Codlet]

What’s an actuary?
Someone who expects everyone to be dead on time.

[soupforbrains]

I like;

16 sodium atoms walk into a bar, followed by batman.

Rene Descartes walks into a bar and the barman says "pint of lager?"
Descartes recoils, says "I think not!" Then disappears.

[honeysucklejasmine]

When one of my sixth formers left for uni, he produced a home printed book of jokes like these. Apparently he thought I'd enjoy them. Damn right, too.

[ridinghighinapril]

Love them, if only I could remember when the opportunity arises!

Why was 6 scared of 7? Because 7, 8, 9

What did 0 say to 8? Nice belt

[ridinghighinapril]

Just re-read the title of the thread and realised that these jokes are meant to be clever and mine are not (unless you are 4 years old)

[Danglingmod]

A stats joke:

There are two kinds of people in the world. Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data sets...