Jokes which make you feel a bit clever

[noblegiraffe]

It has been a long term, how about something a bit more light-hearted? I'll start:

Today I couldn't remember the Roman numerals for 51, 6 or 500.
I was LIVID.

Three cats sat on a roof. Which one slid off?
The one with the lowest mew.

Two cats, called OneTwoThree and UnDeuxTrois were having a swimming race across the Channel. Which cat won?
OneTwoThree cat, because UnDeuxTrois cat sank.

[BikeRunSki]

That last post was for Teen.

[TeenTimesTwo]

Thank you.

[OCSockOrphanage]

A physicist, mathematician and a civil engineer are chatting and get around to simple sums.

What's 1 + 1? is the question.

From the mathematician, the answer is two.

from the physicist, 'it's about 2'

From the civil engineer, 'it's two, but we'll make it 8, to be on the safe side'.

[OCSockOrphanage]

A mathematician, physicist and logistician go hunting. They see a deer, and fire. The mathematician misses with a shot a bit to the left; the physicist misses by firing to the right. The logistician jumps up and down shouting, 'we got it'.

[Sadik]

An economist is someone who doesn't know what they're talking about - and makes you feel it's your fault.

[allegretto]

Sadik - I'm making crackers for my family and that is ideal for my husband, thanks!

[Sadik]

I know lots of economist jokes if you want more . . .

[loveyouradvice]

hello all...loving these... but how about a few more that aren't scientific? Actually a few more of any type but especially these! In bed with flu so enjoying these enormously!

[ScreamingValenta]

I know a bank-telling related one, but it isn't very good:

What's the opposite of an ATM-fit note?
A counter-fit note.

[TeenTimesTwo]

An oldie I learned 40 years ago, but I still enjoy this ditty:

Poor old Brown is dead and gone,
His face shall see no more.
For what he thought was H20,
Was H2SO4.

[TeenTimesTwo]

Should that be 'His face I'll see no more' ? That would make more sense.

[BrawneLamia]

Why do Marxists drink herbal tea?
Because proper tea is theft

[allegretto]

@sadik yes please!

[caoraich]

Ha ha loving these

Here's a vaguely medical one

A parasitic infection walks into a bar. The bartender says "we don't serve your kind here". The infection replies "Well you're not a very good host!"

[noblegiraffe]

How does Pavlov get his hair so shiny?
Classical conditioning

[Crikeyblimey]

A programmer is going to the shop and asks his mate if he wants anything. 'A loaf of bread please and if they sell eggs, bring me half a dozen'.
Programmer comes back with six loaves.

[DramaticIroning]

Want to hear a joke about Sodium Hypobromite? NaBrO

[StealthPolarBear]

But what about a joke about potassium?
K

[DramaticIroning]

How go you comfort an English teacher who has hurt themselves? Their, they're there

[BarkisIsWilling]

An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American Samoan, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguan, an Argentinian, an Armenian, an Australian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bengali, a Barbadian, a Barbudan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bermudan, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Botswanan, a Brazilian, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cape Verdean, a Cambodian, a Cameroonian, a Canadian, a Caymanian, a Central African, a Chadian, a Chilean, a Chinese, a Colombian, a Comorian, a Congolese, a Cook Islander, a Costa Rican, an Ivorian, a Croatian, a Cuban, a Cypriot, a Czechlander, a Danish, a Djiboutian, a Dominican, a Timorese, an Ecuadorian, an Egyptian, a Salvadoran, an Equatoguinean, an Eritrean, an Estonian, an Ethiopian, a Fijian, a Finn, a Frenchman, a Gabonese, a Gambian, a Georgian, a German, a Ghanaian, a Greek, a Grenadian, a Guatemalan, a Guinean, a Bissau-Guinean, a Guyanan, a Haitian, a Herzegovinan, a Honduran, a Hungarian, an Icelander, an Indian, an Indonesian, an Iranian, an Iraqi, an Irish person, an Israeli, an Italian, a Jamaican, a Japanese, a Jordinian, a Kazakh, a Kenyan, an I-Kirbati, a Kittitian, a Korean, a Kosovar, a Kuwaiti, a Kyrgyz, a Laotian, a Latvian, a Lebanese, a Basotho, a Liberian, a Libyan, a Liechtensteiner, a Lithuanian, a Luxembourder, a Macedonian, a Malagasy, a Malawian, a Malaysian, a Maldivian, a Malian, a Maltese, a Marshallese, a Mauritanian, a Mauritian, a Mexican, a Moldovan, a Monacan, a Mongolian, a Montenegrin, a Moroccan, a Mozambican, a Burmese, a Namibian, a Nauruan, a Nepali, a Nevisian, a Dutch, New Zealean, a Nicaraguan, a Nigerien, a Nigerian, a Niuean, a Norwegian, an Omani, a Pakistani, a Palauan, a Palestinian, a Panamanian, a Papuan, a Paraguayan, a Peruvian, a Filipino, a Pole, a Portuguese, a Puerto Rican, a Qatari, a Romanian, a Russian, a Rwandan, a Saint Lucian, a Saint Vincentian, a Samoan, a Sammarinese, a São Toméan, a Saudi Arabian, a Scot, a Senegalese, a Serbian, a Seychellois, a Sierra Leonean, a Singaporean, a Slovak, a Slovene, a Solomon Islander, a Somali, a South African, a South Sudanese, a Sudanese, a Spaniard, a Sri Lankan, a Surinamer, a Swazi, a Swede, a Swiss, a Syrian, a Tajik, a Tanzanian, a Togolese, a Tokelauan, a Tongan, a Trinidadian and a Tobagonian, a Tunisian, a Turk, a Turkmen, a Tuvaluan, a Ugandan, a Ukranian, an Englishman, an Englishwoman, a Welshman and a Welshwoman, an American, a Uruguayan, an Uzbek, a Ni-Vanuatu, a Vaticanian, a Venezuelan, a Vietnamese, a Yemeni, a Zambian, and a Zimbabwean all walk into a fancy restaurant.

The maître d' says, “Sorry, you can’t come in here without a Thai.”

[steppemum]

dd has some ace periodic table jokes.
You have already heard the 16 sodiums and batman.

Do you want to hear a joke about sodium?
Na

I would tell you more, but all the good ones argon

[OlennasWimple]

Which Tyler led the Pedants' Revolt

[GBroGal]

Q: What do you call a dead bee?
A: a Was