Jokes which make you feel a bit clever

[noblegiraffe]

It has been a long term, how about something a bit more light-hearted? I'll start:

Today I couldn't remember the Roman numerals for 51, 6 or 500.
I was LIVID.

Three cats sat on a roof. Which one slid off?
The one with the lowest mew.

Two cats, called OneTwoThree and UnDeuxTrois were having a swimming race across the Channel. Which cat won?
OneTwoThree cat, because UnDeuxTrois cat sank.

[noblegiraffe]

riding and why did 7 eat 9?
Because you're supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day.

[BikeRunSki]

Never believe what an atom tells you. They make up everything.

[honeysucklejasmine]

What did the cowboy say to his horse? HIO Ag!

[BobbinThreadbare123]

What's the difference between a car mechanic and a quantum mechanic?

The quantum mechanic gets the car into the garage without opening the garage doors.

[noblegiraffe]

These are all fab Loads I've not heard too.

[TeenTimesTwo]

soup I had to think hard for the batman joke.

[BobbinThreadbare123]

Sqrt(-shit)^2

[TonicClonicAndTheWaves]

Argh, I've just had a flashback to further maths A level and a really complex diagram of three cats on a roof, lots of information missing, took ages to work through it (although not particularly difficult) and it was all a set up for a mew joke!

[ridinghighinapril]

riding and why did 7 eat 9?
Because you're supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day.

Thanks noble for trying to make my contribution vaguely credible

[AgentProvocateur]

@danglingmod got in before me with the only clever joke I know

[BobbinThreadbare123]

A photon checks into a hotel and the bell hop asks if he needs assistance with his luggage.
The photon says "No thanks, I'm travelling light"

[Danglingmod]

Agent Sorry.

[BobbinThreadbare123]

Chemistry jokes are boron, but physics jokes have potential

[StealthPolarBear]

Love these. Need to Google the mew one...

[StealthPolarBear]

Ah I get it now. Assumed mew was a roof type thing :)

[ZorbaTheHoarder]

There is a bull in a field and he comes across a bomb. The bull swallows the bomb.

It's abominable!

(Gets coat...)

[BikeRunSki]

An electron in search of a mate
Thought Heinsenberg worthy of hate
Whenever I whirl
To the place of a girl
I either miss the time, or the place, or the date

[clary]

Apologies for these MFL "jokes":

What do you call a man wearing sandals?
Philippe Pheloppe

The present, the past and the future were all in a bar. The atmosphere was a bit tense.

I love the atom one best

[happygardening]

Not clever but might appeal to them mathematicians.
A man decides to hire someone to manage the finances of his company. He interviews and mathematician, statistician and accountant.
He ask all three the same question:
What is 1+1?
The mathmatician says 1+1 is 2.
The man says; “is it always 2?”
“Always says the mathmatician.
He asks the statistician;
“Before I can answer Id have to consider a variety of factors”.
He then asked the accountant,.
He looked uncomfortable, looked around the room.
“Is anyone listening to this conversation?”
“No” said the man.
The accountant leant forward and whispered
“What would you like 1+1 to be?”.

[BobbinThreadbare123]

Police pull Heisenberg over on the motorway. Cop asks him if he knows how fast he's going. Heisenberg says "No, but I know where I am".

Two atoms were walking across a road when one of them said, "I think I lost an electron!" "Really!" the other replied, "Are you sure?" "Yes, I 'm absolutely positive"

[BobbinThreadbare123]

Does a radioactive cat have 18 half lives?

[HarveySchlumpfenburger]

Bobbins just beaten me to the two atoms one.

How do flat earthers travel the world?

On a plane

[BobbinThreadbare123]

Sorry...I've got a lot of these as am a physicist and also used to be a teacher so they went down like a helium balloon...

[HarveySchlumpfenburger]

Man walks into a bar and asks for a glass of energy. The barman hands it over and says ‘That’ll be 80p’

[noblegiraffe]

These are my two favourite maths jokes but they're a bit niche.
Why didn't Gauss do any work on group theory?
Because he wasn't Abel.

What's purple and commutes?
An abelian grape.