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Jokes which make you feel a bit clever

(139 Posts)
noblegiraffe Tue 12-Dec-17 20:33:33

It has been a long term, how about something a bit more light-hearted? I'll start:

Today I couldn't remember the Roman numerals for 51, 6 or 500.
I was LIVID.

Three cats sat on a roof. Which one slid off?
The one with the lowest mew.

Two cats, called OneTwoThree and UnDeuxTrois were having a swimming race across the Channel. Which cat won?
OneTwoThree cat, because UnDeuxTrois cat sank.

allegretto Tue 12-Dec-17 20:36:57

The one about binary numbers - but am obviously not that clever as I can't remember it!

BertrandRussell Tue 12-Dec-17 20:39:50

A crumpet says to a bagel "What's your star sign?" The bagel says "I'm a torus"

noblegiraffe Tue 12-Dec-17 20:41:34

grin Bertrand

There are 10 types of people in the world. Those who understand binary, those who don't, and those who didn't expect this joke to be in ternary.

ScreamingValenta Tue 12-Dec-17 20:43:48

Pretending I didn't have to Google the mew joke fgrin

TeenTimesTwo Tue 12-Dec-17 20:49:45

Well you've done the binary joke, and that's all I can think of right now.

So (not quite in the intention of the thread and a bit stereotypical):
How can you tell an extrovert engineer?
He looks at your shoes when he's talking to you.

EggysMom Tue 12-Dec-17 20:54:01

How do mathematicians scold their children?

"If I've told you n times, I've told you n+1 times ...."

TeenTimesTwo Tue 12-Dec-17 20:58:49

noble great thread.

ps They don't have proof by induction in GCSEs do they?
Is it on the A level syllabus? I think I did it way before A level, but I might be misremembering.

MollyHuaCha Tue 12-Dec-17 21:02:08

The one with the lowest mew

Sorry, don't get it. Can someone explain please?

<completely ruins lighthearted thread...>

runningoutofjuice Tue 12-Dec-17 21:03:35

I know this is in secondary ed but a primary one for you -
What's another name for Santa's elves? Subordinate clauses

runningoutofjuice Tue 12-Dec-17 21:04:54

Come on Molly, just google it like me and Valenta wink

LaBelleSausage Tue 12-Dec-17 21:06:56

Why don't mathematicians go on holiday?

You don't need to go away for a tan when you can just divide sine by cosine.

MollyHuaCha Tue 12-Dec-17 21:10:08

Just googled.

Now I understand.

<feel thick for not knowing that already>

afishnotabird Tue 12-Dec-17 21:11:59

Why do people have two lungs?

Because they’re pleural

LaBelleSausage Tue 12-Dec-17 21:12:18

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.

The first says, “One beer please.”
The second says, “Half a beer please.”
The third says, “I’ll have a quarter of a beer...”

Before anyone else can speak, the barman fills up exactly two glasses of beer and serves them.

“Come on, now,” he says to the group, “You guys have got to learn your limits.”

vvviola Tue 12-Dec-17 21:12:27

This one

TeenTimesTwo Tue 12-Dec-17 21:13:06


TeenTimesTwo Tue 12-Dec-17 21:16:15

Not a joke, but I will now prove that 1=2:

Let a=b
So ab = b^2
and ab-a^2=b^2-a^2
factorise a(b-a)=(b+a)(b-a)
divide each side gives a=a+b

So if a=1, then also b=1

and 1=2 Ta da!

Violletta Tue 12-Dec-17 21:20:50

my favourite

Two chemists go into a bar. The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O." The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" — and he died

LaBelleSausage Tue 12-Dec-17 21:25:39

Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15*C and still be 0k?

Codlet Tue 12-Dec-17 21:30:02

What’s an actuary?
Someone who expects everyone to be dead on time.

soupforbrains Tue 12-Dec-17 21:30:31

I like;

16 sodium atoms walk into a bar, followed by batman.

Rene Descartes walks into a bar and the barman says "pint of lager?"
Descartes recoils, says "I think not!" Then disappears.

honeysucklejasmine Tue 12-Dec-17 21:31:46

When one of my sixth formers left for uni, he produced a home printed book of jokes like these. Apparently he thought I'd enjoy them. Damn right, too.

ridinghighinapril Tue 12-Dec-17 21:31:52

Love them, if only I could remember when the opportunity arises!

Why was 6 scared of 7? Because 7, 8, 9

What did 0 say to 8? Nice belt

ridinghighinapril Tue 12-Dec-17 21:34:02

Just re-read the title of the thread and realised that these jokes are meant to be clever and mine are not (unless you are 4 years old) blush

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