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Relationships

If your DH said you couldn’t do something would you consider splitting up?

408 replies

Paintedpets · 13/05/2021 13:09

I’ve mentioned that when we are allowed to I’d like a night away for a couple of friends, shopping and a meal.
DH has said no way. Not for discussion. Not happening.
I’m not the sort of person to just go anyway and he wouldn’t deal too well with that anyway.

Deal breaker? For context he’s having a night out next weekend and stopping away because he will have a drink and pre covid he would go out and stop over / go on stag weekends etc. It’s not as though it’s ever crossed my mind to tell him he can’t.

OP posts:
Horehound · 13/05/2021 13:09

I'd just go anyway!

Aprilwasverywet · 13/05/2021 13:10

Travel definitely.. One bloody way op...

Egghead68 · 13/05/2021 13:10

I think you know this is controlling behaviour and is likely to be part of a pattern.

SpottyOrange · 13/05/2021 13:11

So how come he can but you can't? What's his reason?

Horehound · 13/05/2021 13:11

Oh and I'd tell him he's a hypocrite and to stop trying to control you as it won't work and if he continues to try, you will leave.

userchange856 · 13/05/2021 13:11

Well yea I suppose it would be a dealbreaker unless money is a real concern, but even then language is key! Has he said why not? Does he usually do that?

Paintedpets · 13/05/2021 13:12

Money isn’t a concern.
He says it isn’t safe. When pushed. But he won’t discuss it. Not going, you’re not going, not happening.

OP posts:
Northernsoullover · 13/05/2021 13:13

He thinks he owns you. He doesn't. Fuck that noise. Yes, I would split up with someone who wanted to control me and alienate me from my friends.

DIshedUp · 13/05/2021 13:13

Well it depends really. Whats his reason? What is he objecting to?

Paintedpets · 13/05/2021 13:13

I was nervous about asking because I was pretty sure this would be the response. I’ve not asked before on the odd occasion of being invited to something that would mean an overnight stay away. I just really fancied it, post lockdown and having not seen my friends for a year.

OP posts:
Horehound · 13/05/2021 13:13

I mean, why does he think he can dictate what you do with your life? He doesn't own you. What's he gona do if you ignore him? Threaten to split? Oh dear, what a shame. Fine by me byeeeee!
That's what I'd be saying :)

MindtheBelleek · 13/05/2021 13:13

So why is it safe for him? Are you at high risk or something, and he’s fully vaccinated?

theworldsbiggestcrocodile · 13/05/2021 13:14

Yes that's a huge concern. Why b’s odd he get to decide that you aren't doing something. You're an adult. He doesn't get to dictate your life like that. It's not 1950

Northernsoullover · 13/05/2021 13:14

Has he always been possessive?

Miasicarisatia · 13/05/2021 13:14

I would ask him what makes him think he has any authority over me

Horehound · 13/05/2021 13:14

@Paintedpets

I was nervous about asking because I was pretty sure this would be the response. I’ve not asked before on the odd occasion of being invited to something that would mean an overnight stay away. I just really fancied it, post lockdown and having not seen my friends for a year.

You don't need to ASK. You don't need permission to live your life. Why do you think you need to ask?
How old are you? How long have you been with him?
octoberfarm · 13/05/2021 13:14

I think if this was representative of his broader perspective on equality and my rights within our relationship, yes, I would strongly consider leaving. If he didn't have an exceptionally good reason (that he was able and willing to fully articulate), I would be horrified if he forbade me to do anything. Especially when he's planning to do the very same thing himself. You're not a child and he's not your parent - he doesn't get to forbid you and refuse to discuss it. If there's no actual rationale, it just sounds like he's being controlling.

crystalize · 13/05/2021 13:14

He's a controlling arse. Go away and never come back.

greenlynx · 13/05/2021 13:14

Is he scared to stay with kids on his own or what? Why do you think he’s against it?

Makegoodchoices · 13/05/2021 13:15

What’s his reasoning about why it’s different when he does it? Just random hypocrisy?

Becstar90 · 13/05/2021 13:15

The problem is he doesn't trust you and his making it about something else.

Anordinarymum · 13/05/2021 13:15

Do you need his permission OP?

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Miasicarisatia · 13/05/2021 13:16

How did he respond when you forbid him to do things?

DIshedUp · 13/05/2021 13:17

Tell him, as an adult, its up to you to decide if its safe or not. Hes not your father. Then book the bloody trip. You don't need his permission

HollyBollyBooBoo · 13/05/2021 13:17

These things sends shivers down me. What will he do if you try to go?

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