If your DH said you couldn’t do something would you consider splitting up?

(409 Posts)
Paintedpets Thu 13-May-21 13:09:01

I’ve mentioned that when we are allowed to I’d like a night away for a couple of friends, shopping and a meal.
DH has said no way. Not for discussion. Not happening.
I’m not the sort of person to just go anyway and he wouldn’t deal too well with that anyway.

Deal breaker? For context he’s having a night out next weekend and stopping away because he will have a drink and pre covid he would go out and stop over / go on stag weekends etc. It’s not as though it’s ever crossed my mind to tell him he can’t.

OP’s posts: |
Horehound Thu 13-May-21 13:09:58

I'd just go anyway!

Egghead68 Thu 13-May-21 13:10:36

I think you know this is controlling behaviour and is likely to be part of a pattern.

Aprilwasverywet Thu 13-May-21 13:10:36

Travel definitely.. One bloody way op...

SpottyOrange Thu 13-May-21 13:11:12

So how come he can but you can't? What's his reason?

Horehound Thu 13-May-21 13:11:23

Oh and I'd tell him he's a hypocrite and to stop trying to control you as it won't work and if he continues to try, you will leave.

userchange856 Thu 13-May-21 13:11:32

Well yea I suppose it would be a dealbreaker unless money is a real concern, but even then language is key! Has he said why not? Does he usually do that?

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Paintedpets Thu 13-May-21 13:12:23

Money isn’t a concern.
He says it isn’t safe. When pushed. But he won’t discuss it. Not going, you’re not going, not happening.

OP’s posts: |
Northernsoullover Thu 13-May-21 13:13:14

He thinks he owns you. He doesn't. Fuck that noise. Yes, I would split up with someone who wanted to control me and alienate me from my friends.

DIshedUp Thu 13-May-21 13:13:25

Well it depends really. Whats his reason? What is he objecting to?

Paintedpets Thu 13-May-21 13:13:29

I was nervous about asking because I was pretty sure this would be the response. I’ve not asked before on the odd occasion of being invited to something that would mean an overnight stay away. I just really fancied it, post lockdown and having not seen my friends for a year.

OP’s posts: |
Horehound Thu 13-May-21 13:13:39

I mean, why does he think he can dictate what you do with your life? He doesn't own you. What's he gona do if you ignore him? Threaten to split? Oh dear, what a shame. Fine by me byeeeee!
That's what I'd be saying smile

MindtheBelleek Thu 13-May-21 13:13:54

So why is it safe for him? Are you at high risk or something, and he’s fully vaccinated?

theworldsbiggestcrocodile Thu 13-May-21 13:14:09

Yes that's a huge concern. Why b’s odd he get to decide that you aren't doing something. You're an adult. He doesn't get to dictate your life like that. It's not 1950

Northernsoullover Thu 13-May-21 13:14:13

Has he always been possessive?

Miasicarisatia Thu 13-May-21 13:14:42

I would ask him what makes him think he has any authority over me

Horehound Thu 13-May-21 13:14:46

Paintedpets

I was nervous about asking because I was pretty sure this would be the response. I’ve not asked before on the odd occasion of being invited to something that would mean an overnight stay away. I just really fancied it, post lockdown and having not seen my friends for a year.

You don't need to ASK. You don't need permission to live your life. Why do you think you need to ask?
How old are you? How long have you been with him?

crystalize Thu 13-May-21 13:14:50

He's a controlling arse. Go away and never come back.

octoberfarm Thu 13-May-21 13:14:50

I think if this was representative of his broader perspective on equality and my rights within our relationship, yes, I would strongly consider leaving. If he didn't have an exceptionally good reason (that he was able and willing to fully articulate), I would be horrified if he forbade me to do anything. Especially when he's planning to do the very same thing himself. You're not a child and he's not your parent - he doesn't get to forbid you and refuse to discuss it. If there's no actual rationale, it just sounds like he's being controlling.

greenlynx Thu 13-May-21 13:14:54

Is he scared to stay with kids on his own or what? Why do you think he’s against it?

Makegoodchoices Thu 13-May-21 13:15:15

What’s his reasoning about why it’s different when he does it? Just random hypocrisy?

Becstar90 Thu 13-May-21 13:15:33

The problem is he doesn't trust you and his making it about something else.

Anordinarymum Thu 13-May-21 13:15:34

Do you need his permission OP?

Miasicarisatia Thu 13-May-21 13:16:55

How did he respond when you forbid him to do things?

DIshedUp Thu 13-May-21 13:17:13

Tell him, as an adult, its up to you to decide if its safe or not. Hes not your father. Then book the bloody trip. You don't need his permission

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