worst ways to find out your partner has cheated

(164 Posts)
Tnytears Fri 23-Apr-21 11:34:26

So a bit of light hearted fun for a Friday. What was the worst way you found out a partner had cheated on you?
I always had a gut feeling my partner was cheating I left him when my daughter was 3 - he met someone else - they had a daughter and she also left him - I became friends with his ex and asked how when they met etc thinking she was post me - she said she meet him in 2005 - I was like "oh yes that was the year my daughter was born" -

OP’s posts: |
Isadora2007 Fri 23-Apr-21 11:38:43

I found out online when he had asked for holiday advice for him and his girlfriend- this was a “once in a lifetime” man trip he was telling me he was going on to sort his head out and then we’d make a go of our marriage. 🤦🏻‍♀️
I sent him a text whilst he was on said holiday- “say hi to girlfriend-name from me. Get yourself a good lawyer you c***.”

Parkerwhereareyou Fri 23-Apr-21 11:44:11

Finding sickening messages on our open message accounts wasn’t good. Finding a receipt that showed he’d lied about where he’d been. Condoms in the car. Etc. I guess that’s all standard.

Finding out why he suddenly seemed to want anal sex with me every day (even though I didn’t). (He was compartmentalising.) ...

Having him say my boobs were way the best ones. (Out of what competition? I thought. Still so dense I didn’t get it.)

Ah probably getting the most awful wracking cough that gave me bruised ribs. Then her DH commenting (as I tried to have a business meeting with him, in between coughing fits) that oh that’s weird - you seem to have just the same cough she picked up when we were on holiday abroad recently.

There is zero excuse for such betrayal of innocence and trust. Sorry, @Tnytears😅 it doesn’t feel such a light topic for me. I reckon I’ll need a bit more time and the most perfect man before I can laugh about it!

Boogiethebeat Fri 23-Apr-21 11:47:37

I was in hospital for a couple of weeks and he cried a few times at visiting. I was discharged and about 3 days later, he was drunk and forced to tell me that he'd not only cheated, but she was pregnant. That night, he only told me after he'd hit me, pushed me over and grabbed my neck. Strangers got him off me and I STILL gave him a lift home and spoke to him over the next few weeks as the mum wasn't allowing him to be in the kid's life, giving him advice etc. The Stockholm Syndrome was strong 😂
All recovered now though thankfully and if I go the rest of my life never hearing another word from him, it'll be too soon!

ViolaValentina Fri 23-Apr-21 11:54:00

Feeling so happy lying in bed next to DP the day after he'd just got back from a month long business trip as I'd missed him, he opened his phone and I saw a message from his colleague saying "it's so weird to be in bed with [her fiancé's name] instead of you, thinking about you every second"
He moved out a week later, twat.

JorisBonson Fri 23-Apr-21 11:54:30

I saw her leaving my house.

marriednotdead Fri 23-Apr-21 12:04:12

Smear test coming back with an STI I knew nothing about and that hadn't been there at a previous check up. One of several in the end before developing a camera film and finding photos of one of his women on it hmm

I can see what your intentions were when you posted this OP but it takes a long time to 'laugh' about some of these if ever. I can now but it took a couple of decades!

username12345T Fri 23-Apr-21 12:05:07

He had genital warts.

sunnyzweibrucken Fri 23-Apr-21 12:07:34

After he ghosted me and I finally got in touch with him about three months later and he told me had gotten married 😢

Tnytears Fri 23-Apr-21 12:17:57

Apologies for the poor choice of words - of course it is damaging and destroying to find out someone has cheated - and some shocking findings from you all - I hope the wounds will heal for you all

OP’s posts: |
DianeCherry Fri 23-Apr-21 12:41:37

It's no laughing matter, but my exDH was laughably stupid:

Neighbors seeing OW at the house while I was out
Talking about OW all the time. I mean ALL THE TIME. Then denying an affair
Garments left in my car
Telling the most far fetched and ridiculous lies that he expected me to believe (except I'm not that stupid). Like telling me he'd decided to "sleep in his car" in the garage when I woke up in the night to find him gone
Telling me he was "checking the weather" after I'd watched him read a load of messages on his phone in the middle of the night

The list goes on. But then there were a lot of OWs. So glad he's not my problem now.

Parkerwhereareyou Fri 23-Apr-21 13:07:26

@Boogiethebeat

The Stockholm Syndrome was strong 😂

Love this ❤️😌

Yep. I'm an amazing POW too. Super convincing. Totally convinced myself. Well, if one's life depends on it ... crazy how the method acting kicks in.

@Tnytears
Thx yes ... I think you'll get some awful revelations here. But actually maybe helps us all to hear that it sort of wasn't personal, maybe - just so common. And to see that there's no defence really against straight deception. So we are all quite right to feel upset when we think about it. Takes distance to not hurt.

BurningBright Fri 23-Apr-21 13:10:12

I found a 'feedback form' saved on the desktop of his laptop. (I wasn't sneaking - I had fingerprint access to the laptop, all legitimate and set up by him.)

The 'feedback form' was something she had mocked up (I assume) and which I imagine they found cute and endearing. Personally I found it grim, humiliating and cringy.

Basically he was asked to 'rate' her out of ten on things like lingerie, sexiness, technique, etc. The language was a bit more graphic than that though, with explicit mention of specific 'acts'.

The last question asked about the quality of the breakfast supplied. He'd put a comment to say something like 'Finally I got to have an actual breakfast with you' which I took as an indication that the actual sex had been going on for a bit longer than the date on the form. It was dated for a night when I was away on a friend's hen night, so I assume that was their first opportunity for a whole night together.

After I found the form I dug around in his emails (which was sneaky and not something I'd ever done before despite having access) and found out who'd sent it. I'd never heard of her, but I gleaned a fair bit of info from her emails and his replies.

I dumped him, obviously. When he asked why I said a whole list of the things I'd found out from their messages - her full name, the name of the company she worked for, what he'd bought her for her birthday, the date of their first night etc.

His response? That I had violated his trust by reading his emails. The fucking numpty gave me access to the laptop and his email account and then blamed me for finding out how he'd violated my trust because he wasn't bright enough to delete emails or use an account that I couldn't get into. Twat.

Ihatesalad Fri 23-Apr-21 13:30:23

@BurningBright. That’s what gets me, their first thought is violating trust by going into emails/-!! How about the test violating your trust by shagging someone else

ladygindiva Fri 23-Apr-21 13:34:02

Didn't click straight away but went into a clothes shop for a browse and my toddler aged about 20 months seemed very excited and familiar with the lady working in there. She was normally shy and didn't look at strangers. Found out months later after we split that she was the long standing OW going back to God knows when, I heard from a friend.

Normando91 Fri 23-Apr-21 13:34:20

She tried to befriend me one night before letting me know she’d been sleeping with my partner for weeks.

I can laugh about it now because I realise how ridiculous the entire relationship was and that what I thought was love, really wasn’t anything close. She done me a favour really. I like to think karma has a way of coming back on people and it really did him over grin

ladygindiva Fri 23-Apr-21 13:35:19

She had obviously been meeting with my partner when he was looking after our child when I worked Saturdays.

ReginaaPhalange Fri 23-Apr-21 13:39:14

Beautiful holiday destination for his 21st with his parents. Birthday cards opened and out came a scan picture of his son who was due the next month. We had been together for a year at this point!

BibbleBibble Fri 23-Apr-21 13:40:47

@ladygindiva so he’d had her around your child? That’s disgusting, utterly disgusting

MixedUpFiles Fri 23-Apr-21 13:41:14

He invited his girlfriend to a party at our flat. He ignored me all evening for her. It was so bizarre I actually left the party in my own home because I just couldn’t take being in that space a minute longer.

BurningBright Fri 23-Apr-21 13:41:31

Ihatesalad

**@BurningBright**. That’s what gets me, their first thought is violating trust by going into emails/-!! How about the test violating your trust by shagging someone else

I know! He even said something like 'How would you feel if I'd read your emails?'. When I responded with 'How would you feel if I was scoring another man for how good he is at cunnilingus?' he actually said 'That's not the point.'

We'd been together nearly two years. I'll never get over wasting that much time on someone so utterly stupid.

Drinkingallthewine Fri 23-Apr-21 13:49:25

I'd returned from helping provide respite care for my ill father over a weekend and two wineglasses in my pristine kitchen, one covered in lipstick. And a long dark hair in the bed I'd changed the sheets on a few days earlier. Neither of us have dark hair.

The stupid twat still denied it though. I swear if I'd walked in on him balls deep in her he'd still swear blind there was no OW.
It hurt only slightly because I already knew the relationship was ending, this was just the final nudge to me to pack my stuff really.

FuckingFabulous Fri 23-Apr-21 13:55:52

The OW, about whom I had been suspicious and been made to feel like the world's biggest cunt for it, had an attack of conscience and told her new neighbour about their 2 year long affair disguised as a good friendship. She'd just moved to a new home. She obviously didn't realise the new neighbour was a school friend of mine. She told me everything. I confronted him and told him to gtfo, stay with his mum while I untangled the horrible strings myself and worked out what to do.

Then.

The police came to my house and asked me lots of very concerning questions about him about two months later. That's how I found out that he had also been having sex with 13 year old girls. And then his school uniform fetish made sense. 🤢🤢🤢

Mylittleponysuperfan Fri 23-Apr-21 13:59:18

The ow was my best mate
I knew something was going on when he’d burn through a tenner of credit a night (and expect me to buy more)
The sneaking off for a quiet word
Her leaving her knickers in his coat pocket (found that one afterwards)
The moochy eyes at each other at my birthday party
The ‘going shopping for your Christmas present’ turned into ‘getting pissed at my expense’
They beat me up and tried to walk out with my baby-thankfully a mother’s love knows no bounds and I fought like a tiger and snatched him back (she couldn’t have babies but wanted one-so mine would do-and if she’d got him out of my house she would have kept him as his father was on the birth certificate-I’d have had to go to court to get him back)

I got sweet revenge-their house burnt down a week later-just before Christmas
They broke up not long after-both came snivelling back and both where told to go to hell

YesILikeItToo Fri 23-Apr-21 14:05:11

Many many clues, but most ridiculous was when we both came home pretty late and pretty drunk and then he claimed that he had had a message from a mutual friend offering a chance to go back out for a drink with a mega-celebrity, so he thought he’d better jump at the chance. I asked if I could come? There is a link to this sleb through the friend, so he must have thought this terribly credible, but he hadn’t reasoned out in his drunken head that the friend would have been fine with me coming along too.

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