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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

worst ways to find out your partner has cheated

163 replies

Tnytears · 23/04/2021 11:34

So a bit of light hearted fun for a Friday. What was the worst way you found out a partner had cheated on you?
I always had a gut feeling my partner was cheating I left him when my daughter was 3 - he met someone else - they had a daughter and she also left him - I became friends with his ex and asked how when they met etc thinking she was post me - she said she meet him in 2005 - I was like "oh yes that was the year my daughter was born" -

OP posts:
ThorosBeta · 23/04/2021 14:10

By fax.

Candycane57 · 23/04/2021 14:11

I found a size 24 thong in his bed. I was size 6 and he tried to convince me it was mine.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 23/04/2021 14:19

@FuckingFabulous

The OW, about whom I had been suspicious and been made to feel like the world's biggest cunt for it, had an attack of conscience and told her new neighbour about their 2 year long affair disguised as a good friendship. She'd just moved to a new home. She obviously didn't realise the new neighbour was a school friend of mine. She told me everything. I confronted him and told him to gtfo, stay with his mum while I untangled the horrible strings myself and worked out what to do.

Then.

The police came to my house and asked me lots of very concerning questions about him about two months later. That's how I found out that he had also been having sex with 13 year old girls. And then his school uniform fetish made sense. 🤢🤢🤢

Oh my god you poor thing. Hopefully he was prosecuted for that? Vile, vile human.
Sandgrown1970 · 23/04/2021 14:21

A little girl at a school I worked at...Open Evening for parents.
Another parent spotted her Mum and decided to tell her in a corridor outside a classroom that for years her husband had been having an affair with her next door neighbour.

It was awful. Really awful.

chasingmytail4 · 23/04/2021 14:25

Not me, but my friend found out when his wife butt called him whilst with the other man.

Journeynotdestination · 23/04/2021 14:25

I found out he’d set up a new WhatsApp account on his work phone... I was setting up a group chat and noticed his work number also displayed a WhatsApp photo. He tried to wriggle out of it saying he set it up to send work stuff.. but the pic of him on it was not a work style pic, but one he’d used when I met him on Tinder... I dug around a bit & found out he’d set it up to message a woman from Fab Swingers and I wouldn’t see him ‘online’. I messaged her & she sent me screenshots of their tawdry chats.. she was so helpful... he’d told her he was single & she didn’t talk to men in relationships, so was angry herself. I picked a quote from his Fab profile screenshot she sent me and incorporated it into a message to him 😂.

ladygindiva · 23/04/2021 14:43

Not me but a friend came home early from work to surprise his partner for valentines and she was in bed with his best mate. Such a cliche but sadly true.

thiswaythat · 23/04/2021 14:45

He passed me his phone and asked me to upload a photo onto his Twitter account (he's rubbish at SM). I went to attach it and the last media that was there was a naked video of his side chick. Lovely!

Rainandspirit · 23/04/2021 14:47

A message popped up on his phone . I am going to kill you my throat is killing me 🤷‍♀️ That was enough for me to open it and read the rest.
20 years of marriage gone .

joystir59 · 23/04/2021 14:54

Finding out my gf had booked two ferry tickets for her trip to Ireland which she was taking to have "time out alone". I even bought her new luggage to take which she said she didn't want because it was too big (it wouldn't have left enough space in the boot for OW's suitcase).
Hey ho, it's a long time ago and they didn't last cos OW wasn't in truth a lesbian,just experimenting. Ex and I went on eventually to become reconciled as friends when she really helped me out of a tight spot when nobody else could or would. It's amazing what time, space and growing maturity can achieve.

justlonelystars · 23/04/2021 15:12

Borrowing my boyfriend’s phone the morning of a very very important uni exam and seeing an incoming text thanking him for the pictures with a wink emoji. Turned out he’d be shagging her over the holidays. Sat in my exam in tears and vomited several times. I passed though.

Nowhereelsetogo90 · 23/04/2021 15:13

First time, (age 20 and stupidly obsessed with a much older man) was the standard I was using laptop and found emails from Fab Swingers. He swore blind it was one off, meant nothing, etc, and I blindly stayed.

Suspected for years after that, never really trusted him again. So many red flags in hindsight - phone always locked, put face down, password changed every time he thought I’d guessed it, went in shower with his phone, etc. Disappeared incommunicado on many a night out. Any excuse to walk out in a huff. He worked nights and friends used to tell me they’d seen his car parked outside some dodgy places in our city.

Shortly before we finally broke up I paid for a weekend away in a posh hotel. He was moody and short and snappy the whole time, wouldn’t do anything or go anywhere; ended up in the room watching TV despite a spa and bars and restaurants on site. He went to the loo and forgot his phone and I accessed it and found browser tabs open where he had been searching local escorts etc Envy

When we broke up officially, I was out a few days later and someone told me in a pub that he’d been shagging their mate for six months. He ended up in a relationship with her for a year or so after that before she finished with him.

They did me a massive favour - within a year I’d met my now DH and discovered how it felt to be treated properly.

Redannie118 · 23/04/2021 15:30

When i gave birth to my first DS I had pre eclampsia and was in hospital for 6 weeks. I had ann emergency C section after 25 hrs of labour. My blood pressure was so high I almost died. When i finally came home I was so ill and weak I could barely move and my DH refused to help with anything, he wouldnt wash a dish or hold our son, let alone change him. He would stay out of the house for 16 hours per day and then come home and scream at me that the baby was crying. I was aware of this- the baby had been crying for the last 16 hours( turned out DS had ASD but I didnt know it then). Anyway DH told me to get a pen out of his briefcase and I found a reciept for jewelley and a card. It was vslentines day in a few days time and I was happy for the first time in months, thinking after everything he had finally done something nice for me. Valentines day- no card or present. When i confronted him he denied it, then finally admitted it and his excuse? "Well what the Hell do you expect? You are always so miserable!"

Marineboy67 · 23/04/2021 15:32

Left her Facebook account open on her Laptop. Clicked on messenger and there was a host of messages to an ex with the details of a bloke she'd been shagging at work.

ExConstance · 23/04/2021 15:36

He told me he was going to the Ramblers club Christmas Lunch, and was going to make a speech and hand out prizes. It sounded a bit odd to me. I called the admin lady at the ramblers club, she said he hadn't been to any meetings for a couple of years and they had had their Christmas Lunch a fortnight before........... fortunately he was a waste of space in many other ways.

Keeperinthecloset · 23/04/2021 15:38

Sat at the school nativity play , that was a hell of a Christmas

ShutUpAlex · 23/04/2021 15:39

One of his navy colleagues messaged me on Facebook to ask him to be quieter shagging the women he was bringing back to the room next door. I was in the nicu with our sick newborn 100’s of miles away.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 23/04/2021 15:43

Not my story but SILs and long ago enough for her to be able to raise the faintest glimmer of a smile.

She reached for paracetamol in her GFs bag and found a morning after pill packet

No explaining that away in a lesbian relationship.

SandrasAnnoyingFriend · 23/04/2021 15:51

Sat watching a repeat of '8 out of 10 cats' from the night before (pre catch-up tv) and a joke he'd told me earlier that day came up.
But there was no way he could have watched it because he'd been out at a club with his friends the previous night.
It transpired they hadn't been at a club but at a brothel, having an orgy. It was clearly so damn sexy that they'd had channel 4 on in the background Hmm
Moron.

Imelda03 · 23/04/2021 15:53

@Keeperinthecloset

Sat at the school nativity play , that was a hell of a Christmas
Oh no!! What happened!
MumofSpud · 23/04/2021 15:54

Playground mums- 2 couples who had DC in the same class at (Primary) school - the 4 of them were great friends- holidays together etc.
One holiday they were sharing a villa and a DH and a DW were found out (it had been going on for a while.
So sad for all the children involved - both marriages ended. At the Nativity Play that year the OW was there by herself and there was so many spare seats around her.

Picklesbaby · 23/04/2021 15:57

‘He cheated on you. November 2013”
The Instagram message I received 2 weeks after giving birth.
Another one -
Boys group chat- discussing an upcoming night out .. “are you going to behave yourself this time mark? “get lost “ex’s name” Your worse than me for cheating 😂😂

BestUseADifferentName · 23/04/2021 16:00

He sent a text message to me that he meant to send to a sex worker asking if she kissed on the mouth and did oral without a condom.

Parkerwhereareyou · 23/04/2021 16:01

@ShutUpAlex

... was at a loss for words reading what happened to you. Still am.

And to everyone.

Have to say I don't understand who these women are either. I mean, I know some of them are of course also being lied to etc, but those who aren't - who know the score - it's just such a bad thing to be involved in, really.

The pain all this causes is physical. It's a terrible wound to inflict on someone you 'love'. Bloody hell.

oh @Tnytears - it's turned into a sobering thread!

CleverCatty · 23/04/2021 16:02

I didn't actually guess...

boyfriend I was seeing - he accused me sometimes of cheating, would ring me on my mobile to check I'd got home...

I honestly had no idea - let him go clubbing to Cream in Liverpool trusted him implicitly (and his best friend who was with him) - only found out after we finished (I dumped him) and he told me he'd cheated etc - thinking I'd go back etc - and i recall shouting 'why didn't you tell me that as that would've given me a good excuse to dump you then?' - him 'I knew you'd dump me if I told you'.

It wasn't perfect our relationship, always scrapping (like a couple of kids our parents called us yet we were in our 20s!) and he expected me to be a Stepford wife type.

His dad had cheated on his mum numerous times. I swear he's still cheating on his current DW but good luck to her!