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Need a hand hold - finally told my mother to FUCK OFF

(360 Posts)
Finallybloodydoneit Sun 12-Apr-20 14:41:52

NC but people might recognise some content from previous posts.

I’m shaking as I type this. I’m crying but I feel calm, and I feel relieved. Here is what my childhood looked like:

My parents divorced when I was 6 and my mother spiralled out of control. She was an emotionally abusive alcoholic. She used to get drunk and scream she didn’t love me. She used to wake me up and pack my bags and say my father was coming to take me, but she had not called him, all so she could say “ha! He doesn’t want you either”. I can remember being about 9 years old and having to wee on the floor of my room as I was so scared of going out of my room to the loo, as she was out there. I tried to kill myself several times as I was so unhappy. Once she suspected I had OD’ and just laughed about it with one of my brothers. She sober used to say she just didn’t want to spend time with me as she didn’t like me.

Anyway, I have been just putting up with her bullshit as an adult for years. She treats me differently to my brothers, they are slightly older and had quite a different childhood to me as they joined in with the drinking or were teenagers on another floor of the house (were subjected to the noise of her sexual encounters either etc etc). They suffered too, yes, and one isn’t speaking to her really. But they have dealt with it by sticking firmly to her side/ganging up against me.

Anyway, since I met my husband and had a baby, I have just gained confidence and don’t need to seek her approval in the same way. This has caused a LOT of up and downs. One minute I’ve been fine with her, the next I’ve overreacted to something she has done. Lots of explosions on both sides.

Finally, she and my brothers decided to turn on me at lunch one day, and start complaining about DH. It just became, for some reason, the final straw for me. The whole situation escalated. She refused to apologise. Things got worse and worse and worse.

Today I have received abusive message after abusive message. Accusing me of being angry with the world. I’m
Not angry with the world. I’m happy. I love my life.

It just dawned on me.. I AM ANGRY WITH HER!!!!!! And I have every right to me!!! I wrote a little list of some things I suffered in my childhood and told her to

FUCK
OFF

I have blocked her on WhatsApp. I just need a bit of emotional support on here really - DH knows all this and v supportive but not friends, and MN has been fantastic with all of my other posts. Do I block her everywhere else too? Do I block my brothers, who are bound to go flying monkey?

I feel so relieved.

Sorry for the long post

LlamaofDrama Sun 12-Apr-20 14:44:15

I have no experience of any of this, c and therefore no advice. Can only say bloody well done. It sounds like an excellent choice of action. Good for you.

Finallybloodydoneit Sun 12-Apr-20 14:45:01

@LlamaofDrama

Thank you!

ThanosSavedMe Sun 12-Apr-20 14:45:46

Block em all. You’ll be much happier

Bananasandchocolatecustard Sun 12-Apr-20 14:46:12

Well done, you have been brave to stand up to her.

CheddarGorgeous Sun 12-Apr-20 14:46:37

Yes, block them all. Forever!

Deathraystare Sun 12-Apr-20 14:47:29

Well done. You don't need her negative energy. I bet you feel a load has been lifted!

SexIsAProtectedCharacteristic Sun 12-Apr-20 14:47:51

Bloody well done @Finallybloodydoneit

And you should be angry with her, she was a dreadful abusive mother to you as a child and she still is today sad

Tinyhumansurvivalist Sun 12-Apr-20 14:47:53

I think I have read a fee of your other posts.

Well done!

And yes block them all from every avenue of contact. This will not be the end of the abuse from her or them my lovely.

Boston down the hatches you are in for a rough ride but all the very best. You have made the hardest step!

notapizzaeater Sun 12-Apr-20 14:47:56

If they are likely to gang up on your then I'd block them all.

Aquamarine1029 Sun 12-Apr-20 14:49:35

Block all of them, from everything. If she sends a letter, rip it up and throw it away.

You've done brilliantly. Getting this cancer out of your life is the best thing you've ever done.

JengaNonConfirming Sun 12-Apr-20 14:49:41

Block them all! Don't let them steal your focus from your family and happy life. Wel done!! flowers

AmelieTaylor Sun 12-Apr-20 14:50:07

Well done. Block her & your brothers everywhere. Focus on DH & DC.

If you're who I think you are (and I hope to god you are) then I'm very bloody relieved you've finally done it. Your MH will be much better! Now stay strong & don't let her back in 🌷

KRAmum Sun 12-Apr-20 14:51:06

I read your previous post. Glad you have mustered the courage to go nc. Block your mum on everything and give your brothers a chance first. If they spew the same poison, then block them.

Snowymascot Sun 12-Apr-20 14:51:09

Block them all if they are going to give you a hard time. You could wait to see what they say but only you will know your brothers.

You’ve got your wee family, your DH and your kids and you will have friends xx

ScrapThatThen Sun 12-Apr-20 14:51:36

So glad you realised this. Be happy and be glad. You deserved better and now you can give yourself better. Expect this to be rocky, but it's like running to safety, your road will get easier in time.

Thatnameistaken Sun 12-Apr-20 14:51:37

You've got your own lovely family now, you don't need your mother and siblings, you don't want them to be anywhere near your DH and children anyway. You've done the right thing

TwistyHair Sun 12-Apr-20 14:51:52

Wow, I’m so impressed! Good on you.

ukgift2016 Sun 12-Apr-20 14:53:27

Well done op. I would advise you block your brothers too.

You cannot choose family however when they are an toxic influence in your life, it comes to an point when you have to let them go. Life too short.

CollaborativeBee Sun 12-Apr-20 14:54:05

You poor thing.
She has to believe that you are angry with the world.

Block her for at least 6 months. You are probably going to have waves of extreme discomfort come and go and come and go and hopefully become less uncomfortable.

Finallybloodydoneit Sun 12-Apr-20 14:54:44

Guys... I am actually overawed by the amount of response in such a short time! Am so pleased I posted!

Thank you so so so so much.

I feel like a huge weight has been lifted.

CollaborativeBee Sun 12-Apr-20 14:55:08

Ps yes i agree, block your brothers too.
The flying monkeys and the triangulation will be Olympic.

TheEndIsBillNighy Sun 12-Apr-20 14:56:00

I have experience of estrangement and all I can say is, well done on finally being brave enough to put yourself first. It’s not easy and not everyone around you will agree with your decision, but from the sounds of it, you will be SO much happier and will feel liberated from having removed a source of pain and suffering...not only from your life, but also from your child’s.

I’m so sorry for the awful abuse you have suffered throughout your life.

From my experience, I think blocking the toxic person completely is best (along with those reinforcing their toxic beliefs) x x

Stanleyrainbow Sun 12-Apr-20 15:00:08

It sounds like you have had an almost identical experience to me. I cut my mother out of my life almost 9 years ago because I just couldn't handle it anymore. Weirdly, we were quite close before but it was a very emotionally abusive relationship. It took a few years for me to accept the new circumstances but believe me when I say that I am so much happier now. My sister still sees my mum but without me taking the brunt of her, has learnt a lot for herself. My relationship with my sister is pretty good now.

GardenParties Sun 12-Apr-20 15:00:55

How amazing. I am in awe of you for doing this. Well done! It's brilliant to read about it!

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