Need a hand hold - finally told my mother to FUCK OFF

[Finallybloodydoneit]

NC but people might recognise some content from previous posts.

I’m shaking as I type this. I’m crying but I feel calm, and I feel relieved. Here is what my childhood looked like:

My parents divorced when I was 6 and my mother spiralled out of control. She was an emotionally abusive alcoholic. She used to get drunk and scream she didn’t love me. She used to wake me up and pack my bags and say my father was coming to take me, but she had not called him, all so she could say “ha! He doesn’t want you either”. I can remember being about 9 years old and having to wee on the floor of my room as I was so scared of going out of my room to the loo, as she was out there. I tried to kill myself several times as I was so unhappy. Once she suspected I had OD’ and just laughed about it with one of my brothers. She sober used to say she just didn’t want to spend time with me as she didn’t like me.

Anyway, I have been just putting up with her bullshit as an adult for years. She treats me differently to my brothers, they are slightly older and had quite a different childhood to me as they joined in with the drinking or were teenagers on another floor of the house (were subjected to the noise of her sexual encounters either etc etc). They suffered too, yes, and one isn’t speaking to her really. But they have dealt with it by sticking firmly to her side/ganging up against me.

Anyway, since I met my husband and had a baby, I have just gained confidence and don’t need to seek her approval in the same way. This has caused a LOT of up and downs. One minute I’ve been fine with her, the next I’ve overreacted to something she has done. Lots of explosions on both sides.

Finally, she and my brothers decided to turn on me at lunch one day, and start complaining about DH. It just became, for some reason, the final straw for me. The whole situation escalated. She refused to apologise. Things got worse and worse and worse.

Today I have received abusive message after abusive message. Accusing me of being angry with the world. I’m
Not angry with the world. I’m happy. I love my life.

It just dawned on me.. I AM ANGRY WITH HER!!!!!! And I have every right to me!!! I wrote a little list of some things I suffered in my childhood and told her to

FUCK
OFF

I have blocked her on WhatsApp. I just need a bit of emotional support on here really - DH knows all this and v supportive but not friends, and MN has been fantastic with all of my other posts. Do I block her everywhere else too? Do I block my brothers, who are bound to go flying monkey?

I feel so relieved.

Sorry for the long post

[lamppost1]

Well done OP!

[Gobbycop]

Sorry you were subjected to those things during childhood.
Reading posts like this make me even more determined to be a great dad.

You've done the right thing, nice work 👍🏻

[Sunnywaves]

Well done! Be happy and enjoy your own family free from the poison.

[Celandines]

If this was AIBU then YANBU at all!!

[Thankful2020]

Today marks a new beginning for you. Well done for getting the courage to stand up for yourself. If your brothers decide to take her side block them too and focus on your little family. Just because they are blood relatives does not mean you have to keep them in your live. Good luck. Stay strong and don’t waiver.

[billy1966]

Well done OP.
Block those she will try and use to get to you.

Enjoy the peace.

[1990shopefulftm]

well done for taking this step and it sounds like blocking your brothers is a good idea.

[Finallybloodydoneit]

@NotStayingIn

You are right re my brothers. I am sure there will be a lot of conflicting emotions for them.

[strawberry2017]

Amazing Op!
Well done, I agree with PP you need to block your brothers so that they can't interfere which they will.
If you have any weak moments you come back here and message us instead and read all the positive posts here.
So pleased for you x

[MrsMozartMkII]

Block block block!

Very well done lass.

[Finallybloodydoneit]

@strawberry2017

Thank you! I will - good idea

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe]

Well done, OP. Don't look back and don't second-guess yourself.

[Nanny0gg]

If you are who I think you are it will be a huge relief that you and your family don't have to put up with any of this crap.

And don't let anyone else try and speak on her behalf. If they do, block them as well!

[trappedsincesundaymorn]

Well done OP. Block each and every one of them, enjoy the life the freedom that will come from never having to deal with any of them again. Here's to a happier future

[CrazyTimesAreOccurring]

A great time to tell her and block them all - they'll be no unexpected visitors at your door trying to make you feel bad! And because they cant get a response they can all spend time thinking about how they have behaved. Well done, I remember one of your previous threads too I think. I hadnt realised the back story, just that your brothers turned on your DH.

I hope you feel at peace now. The euphoris will die down but dont let that make you think you shouldnt have done it it. You should have, well done.

[trappedsincesundaymorn]

should be an "and" between "life and "the freedom".

[AprilFloundering]

Well done, OP.

life is too short

enjoy yours with people who treat you well

[MaeDanvers]

Well done!! What a courageous decision you’ve made. I hope this marks a new phase of your life where you only accept those around you who are loving, kind and value you.

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

Block all your family of origin on all channels. She may well now send in the flying monkeys; if this happens ignore them too. Those people are not interested in hearing your side of things so their opinion should be ignored.

Do read "Toxic Parents" by Susan Forward.

[MargotEmin]

I remember the awful bleak feeling I got reading your other post partly for you in adulthood but mostly for the little girl who had to put up with so much.

You should be really proud of yourself OP. Onwards and upwards x

[PanamaPattie]

Yes - blockity block block and enjoy your new glorious life. This virus may make many people re-evaluate their lives. You are ahead of the curve. Well done.

[Zaphodsotherhead]

Block them all.

And be very very proud of yourself. You rock.

[HelenUrth]

Well done OP! So sad for you that you had such an abusive mother. Mine was bad (it took a therapist for me to feel validated that I wasn't imagining bad treatment, and to understand that it was actually worse than I thought). Your "mother" was even worse, the level of planned cruelty is dreadful and what you went through as an innocent child is completely unforgiveable.

You're probably riding the waves of an adrenalin rush at the moment. Be prepared to come down from this with a crash, and have a "what have I done" moment.
You have done the right thing. Don't waver from this and block any flying monkeys.

As said previously in the thread, come back here for support, it's not unusual for abused people to feel guilt for asserting themselves, after all, we've been trained for a long time to put ourselves last.

This is your time now. Enjoy it with your real family.

[Musti]

I'm so sorry that you had to suffer such a abuse from that vile piece of scum. Well done op for cutting her out, it must be really hard but you have to do it for you and for your family. Enjoy your life and don't look back.

[velocitygirl7]

You should be proud of yourself!
Well done for telling her some home truths and in your shoes I would have definitely ended with the fuck off!
I think for now, yes please do block your brothers, sounds like she may try to get at you through them. You need a break, you deserve better.
Sounds like you have a lovely life now, keep looking forward and without their negativity eating away at you, you will look back less and less