How should I reply to this text?

[JaysusWept]

Namechanged as I've told my work colleague already about this and I know she lurks on here. (She was absolutely no help - she's probably still laughing about it...)

Background is that I've been single for a couple of years after discovering he was cheating. I have an 8 year old DD.
I am friends with a small group who I have known for a few years - met through kids at nursery/starting school, etc. We do playdates, dinners, drinks out, whatsapp group which is used constantly, helping each other out, etc. We are close and I value all of their friendships.
For the past few weeks I have felt that one of the group, who I shall refer to as C, has been a bit 'off' with me. Nothing I can really put my finger on - I don't always do the drop off and pick ups at school for my DD, but when I have and I've seen C she hasn't chatted with me like she usually would, and 2 weeks ago 4 of us went out for drinks and I felt that there was a bit of an atmosphere when I was talking to her, although she was polite enough. There are people that I am closer to in the group but C and I have always been very friendly and have done many things with just the 2 of us.

Yesterday, I picked up my DD from school and C's husband was there to pick up their DD. The 4 of us walked back together and we stopped outside C's house to finish our chat briefly, before I carried on up the street. C came to the door but didn't come over although she did wave.

At 4pm I received a text from C which read "Doing her usual, all over XXXXX (her husband's name) and doing that stupid fucking laugh of hers" with a couple of angry emoticons.
I replied back "?" and she immediately sent back "Ooops, sorry! That was meant for L (mutual friend in group, but who is very close to C), talking about someone at work! Sorry, just delete!"
I didn't reply to that and almost straight after I received a text from L asking if I was up for a night out next weekend.

C was talking about me, wasn't she? L also wouldn't usually text me about a night out as it would be sent through the whatsapp chat.
I didn't do the drop off this morning, but C has text me (not in whatsapp group) to ask if I fancy going over to hers tomorrow after school with DD.
I'm not sure how best to respond.
Am I being paranoid in thinking that text was about me?

For the record, I don't know C's husband particularly well. I've chatted with him at group things we've attended and a few times we've walked home together if we've done school pick ups as I've got to pass their house on my way home. I am not attracted to him, and nothing untoward has ever happened or would happen, although I may very well have a stupid fucking laugh!

Any advice? I actually feel really fucking weirded out by this.

Totally agree with @CIareIsland said. I was in a similar situation a friend of DD was totally paranoid I was interested in her DH just because I was single. I felt sorry for her that she was so insecure and kept my distance as I'd no interest in her insecurities and definitely had no interest in her DH

switcharoonie - That's what I thought. To say "doing her usual" implies that they've had conversations about it before. She didn't even use my name - or any name - so means that L must have known who she was referring to.

I am the only single one in our friendship group, but I am very happily single and they know that (a couple of them have tried to set me up on dates before and I haven't been interested).

It's a pity you responded to the meme. I'd freeze them out completely, at least for a while.

Let them sweat it and just don't reply to the texts. Why should you make them feel better if they've been bitching about you and inadvertently let you know?

They’re not your friends op - sorry.
I would avoid being around them and would i heck have a conversation with them. People who bitch like that never own it.
Life’s to short - is also let them stew.
Don’t reply to anything anymore

How awful op.. keep your distance from them i have had a similar thing with getting sent a text that was about me. It hurts and makes you wonder what else they say.

Ah. I've just seen that C has invited you for coffee tomorrow. Maybe you should take her up on it, but when you arrive, say you're only staying for a few minutes to resolve exactly what happened. Then make it clear that you're not stupid, you know that text was about you, and that you don't appreciate normal friendliness being so nastily misinterpreted and gossiped about.

Agree that is was about you and they're now panicking that they've been found out. A friend has done this to me before - she was moaning about me to a mutual friend and as she clearly had my name in her head, sent it to me. I called her out about it straight away (and also had a go at mutual friend who it turned out was just the receiver and hadn't had a chance to respond) and she ended up turning up at my house that evening full of apologies and in tears. It was never the same after that though. They, especially C, sound like bitches.

I would reply "How strange that you sent that text just after seeing me with your husband.... What's wrong with my laugh??"

They sound pretty contrite about it by their actions don't they? If they didn’t care at all they’d probably just let you cool it with them both so I think that’s at least a positive.

I think you've got a couple of options. Just avoid them for a bit and let the whole thing blow over. You can make up an excuse for why you can’t go over to C’s house and just chat to some different people at pick up.

Or use the offer of a meet up as an opportunity to discuss things. Just be honest and say you know the text was about you and had noticed she had been off. Find out what you e done to piss her off. It won’t have been about the husband, it will be something else and she’s just using your laugh and the flirting comment as further evidence against you.

Then you have a strong hand.

Don't respond at all. Cos mean girls like to gaslight. "OMG I TOLD YOU IT WAS ABOUT A GIRL IN WORK, PARANOID MUCH??!!"

You'd be set up to look crazy and unstable.

You literally cannot accuse them of bitching about you, you have no proof and it'll be weaponised against you. Cos newsflash, C doesn't like you anyway, for doing nothing, so this would give her actual ammunition.

If she'd bitching about you behind your back now, imagine the bitchery after you make her feel bad about herself???

My advice is to plan a campaign of very targeted indifference. How do you do that?

1. Always be too busy. On text, always give the impression of being too busy to engage with someone as unimportant as them. Either "forget" to answer entirely, or answer a day late going "oops, thought I answered this, lol, sorry can't make it that night, up to my eyes x". Needless to say, screen calls.

1. Never ever ask her any questions about herself or her child. If forced to spend time on the school run, talk about Boris Johnson or literally anything other than her. If she talks about herself, nod and change the subject to Boris Johnson.

1. Don't respond directly to her on group WhatsApp. Only respond to other people's jokes, never hers. No emojis.

The point of all this pettiness? Is that you cannot disentangle her from your life, you can't ghost her. But she's not your friend, and you can certainly choose your level of engagement.

Oh and BTW L is not your friend either. That text wasn't the first time they've discussed your "stupid" laugh.

The only thing that really kills drama Queens is indifference. Don't feed them.

everything that @Elspeth said, literally everything!

Go knock on her door. Tell her you get it, you understood what she meant but had no idea that she thought you were in anyway 'all over XXXX'. Apologise for being single, having a stupid laugh and having to walk home past her house, promise to stay on the other side of the road from now on. Ask her if she requires The SIngle Person's Sackcloth and Ashes to be worn..

... hopefully by now she will be mortified, passing into amused and then apologetic.

If not, go back to the group text thingsy and explain that having asked L WTF all that was about you are now removing yourself and consigning yourself to Single Person Matryrdom, so they and their OHs are all now safe from your predation.

Basically, L + C(?) are enjpying themsleves being bitches, you won't lose them, they are already lost! So enjoy yourself with it. But do talk to her... don't just slink away! Why the fuck should you?

I think I'm just going to reply to C's invitation with "Sorry, can't do tomorrow. Maybe some other time."

I think that there will be a big sigh of relief and lots of frantic what’s apping between them since you replied to the meme.
I think you can ignore or delay responding to their coffee/night out texts if you want as they have their reaction.
I would be thinking are they just trying to save face (to ease their own discomfort) or are they genuinely looking to say sorry.

I am minded to think the former as it is obvious they have been bitching about you for some time.

You have done really well to have come through a marriage betrayal and still be laughing and socialising - you are stronger and better than them - maybe they are jealous of your single life and sunny disposition as much as their paranoia around their possibly rocky marriage.

Or do what Elspeth said.

But, off all social media, I would talk to her, proivately... and laugh at her!

I'd be tempted to reply asking C if her DH will be there tomorrow afternoon. (Wouldn't have the neck to do it though)

C sounds insecure in her marriage and clearly doesn't trust single women round her husband. But neither C nor L is your friend. They enjoyed 'saving' you from your ex, but now you are a problem, because you are single and their husbands have roving eyes.

It won’t have been about the husband

I'd say it is about the husband. Clearly C thinks the op is flirting her ass off with him because a woman couldn't possibly be happily single and not intent on stealing any man that would have her.

They sound really horrible, op. You don't need friends like that.

@Spinnaret

I so wish you could post this.....
When you think your husband is catnip to woman.
Think I just got accused of wanting somebodies sloppy 2nds.

it's about you but I would take her up on the invite & speak to her about it, maybe she's having a bit of an insecure time regarding her husband & you'll be able to reassure her

Elspeth is absolutely bang on the money.

Do not feed the trolls. Get on with your life, act with grace and dignity, maintain your friendships that are worth keeping and remove yourself from the circle of drama that you've found yourself involved in.

I cut people like this out of my life a few years ago and the relief I felt was incredible ❣️

Hold your head high and let them all bitch amongst themselves. You are better than that 👑

This is typical behaviour because they're worried you know it's about you. They're not good friends. X

Send to C:

'Does she still really think all single women are after her husband? Paranoid much. Do you think he is still sleeping around? Lol'

and then say 'Oops that's for a friend, about a friend at work'.