How should I reply to this text?

[JaysusWept]

Namechanged as I've told my work colleague already about this and I know she lurks on here. (She was absolutely no help - she's probably still laughing about it...)

Background is that I've been single for a couple of years after discovering he was cheating. I have an 8 year old DD.
I am friends with a small group who I have known for a few years - met through kids at nursery/starting school, etc. We do playdates, dinners, drinks out, whatsapp group which is used constantly, helping each other out, etc. We are close and I value all of their friendships.
For the past few weeks I have felt that one of the group, who I shall refer to as C, has been a bit 'off' with me. Nothing I can really put my finger on - I don't always do the drop off and pick ups at school for my DD, but when I have and I've seen C she hasn't chatted with me like she usually would, and 2 weeks ago 4 of us went out for drinks and I felt that there was a bit of an atmosphere when I was talking to her, although she was polite enough. There are people that I am closer to in the group but C and I have always been very friendly and have done many things with just the 2 of us.

Yesterday, I picked up my DD from school and C's husband was there to pick up their DD. The 4 of us walked back together and we stopped outside C's house to finish our chat briefly, before I carried on up the street. C came to the door but didn't come over although she did wave.

At 4pm I received a text from C which read "Doing her usual, all over XXXXX (her husband's name) and doing that stupid fucking laugh of hers" with a couple of angry emoticons.
I replied back "?" and she immediately sent back "Ooops, sorry! That was meant for L (mutual friend in group, but who is very close to C), talking about someone at work! Sorry, just delete!"
I didn't reply to that and almost straight after I received a text from L asking if I was up for a night out next weekend.

C was talking about me, wasn't she? L also wouldn't usually text me about a night out as it would be sent through the whatsapp chat.
I didn't do the drop off this morning, but C has text me (not in whatsapp group) to ask if I fancy going over to hers tomorrow after school with DD.
I'm not sure how best to respond.
Am I being paranoid in thinking that text was about me?

For the record, I don't know C's husband particularly well. I've chatted with him at group things we've attended and a few times we've walked home together if we've done school pick ups as I've got to pass their house on my way home. I am not attracted to him, and nothing untoward has ever happened or would happen, although I may very well have a stupid fucking laugh!

Any advice? I actually feel really fucking weirded out by this.

Me personally would reply to C

Sorry can’t make it, too busy meeting up with your OH.lol.

Then see if she’s got guts to front you.

Sorry but have been in a similar but worse situation before and trying to avoid or not engage with them doesn’t work as they’ll just see that as you have removed yourself from them as you have something to hide and after the text you’ve realised how obvious you’ve made it. Even tho that’s not the case at all.

Xxxx

Bit of a mess really isn't it? If the text came through pretty quickly after you finished the chat at the doorway, then yeah, it's about you, and they've discussed you before. Sounds like C is feeling insecure about her marriage, but to put a different slant on it, please consider the possibility that someone in the group (L!?) is jealous of your relationship with C (particularly as you have said you do stuff just the two of you sometimes) and has fed C bullshit about seeing you fawn over her DH - look for the root of this, not the latest surface altercation. Make sense?

I'd block them both and step back. With 'friends' like these, what is the point of a discussion? If they have any sense they'll know why.

Next time the husband does school pick up just give him a big hug and kiss on the cheek outside their house

Sorry op but it does sound she was talking about you and it's not the first time.

If it was just the three of you in the group I'd call them on this, but doing this might make issues with your other friends and you may end up losing out. In these circumstances I'd stop replying to them both. No more playground chats, maybe just a wave or a polite hello. I'd make it crystal clear to them that you know what the score is, but not say anything so the group doesn't split up. Their loss!

Well she clearly has trust issues with you ...and her hub. She's paranoid for a reason she may have been hurt in the past.

I wouldn't go speaking behind her back to L about it, that's just stirring the pot. Poor L stuck in the middle. It's like being at school isn't it it just never ends this bitching and jealousy with some people.

• Me personally would reply to C

Sorry can’t make it, too busy meeting up with your OH.lol. *

This is brilliant.... not sure I'd have the guts to send it but it's a great response

loves No, I don't think it is someone else, as op was walking with her friend and her dh at the time. This def come from her so called friend, and it isn't the first time either.

They have messed up and are not doubt bonding over their enormous faux pas.
The others in the group most likely will prioritise staying in the group, rather than developing friendships outside.

Op it is painful, but you need to disengage quietly and move on. Find some new friends that are not bitchy and jealous. You will never be able to trust these women again, and everything that you say and do will be used against you. You are the fodder on which no doubt they feed the toxic energy between them. I am sorry to say the dh scenario is probably the nicer end of what they say. I have some awful experiences with people like them, and I can tell you now your life is fodder to them. Neither one actually cares about you.

Keep your dignity in tact, and distance yourself politely. Do not be entertaining fodder for their pleasure. Seek something much stronger and better.

I don’t think there’s any evidence that L was also bitching about you. I would go and talk to C face to face.

I think it’s a massive overreaction to walk away from an entire friendship group just because one of them has said something nasty. You’re punishing yourself by losing 4 friends because 1 woman is insecure in her marriage?!

L could just have been dragged into this due to C being a bitch.

I would love to follow elspeths advice but I’m like a bull in a China shop and would be furious that C was bitching about me behind my back. So I’d have to speak to her about it.

I love what elspeth said. However seeing as the OP has come thru a divorce and these are now her only friendship group, I think i would give some space for L. She might have been the recipient without approving. Also, c might be one of those crazy jealous people who will go on to accuse others. I'd stick around with this group and see what happens next

ElspethFlashman gets a degree in bitchy women and how to handle them!

Sounds like classic jealousy. In this case, your being single seems to be the object of their ire, and as such her marriage must be shit if she envies your single status.

I would ignore both L&C then next time I'm pick up on the same time as her dh I would explain to him he s gong to have to walk 3 paces behind you as his dw thinks you and he are getting it on.

Then step back and wait for the first works

Let hi deal with C

Oh how awful for you. I’d leave it and let them think they got away with it.

Then disengage. Only way to get through those brutal years :)

Id reply - saying

"well thank god for that, as I have no interest whatsoever in your DH - in fact, as you know, i've sworn off men for ever! Can you even imagine! It would ruin our friendship - and that would never do... Although its probably true that I do have a Fing stupid laugh (lol) - so you can see why my eyebrows hit my hair line when I got this message. Glad it wasn't about me (must admit i'm now gagging to know the goss on who's been flirting with your DH :) :) ), yes ta a play date sounds fun. "

If it's not about you, it's about someone else in that group... and if you were the last one to talk to her DH, statistically, it's probably about you.

I think your end game decides your next steps here. Do you want to stay friends? Call it out but make up? Cool things?

...then sit back and watch her and L try to smooth things over/dig themselves deeper into their web of deceit.

But i'm mean like that, cause I hate bullshitters... If she thinks you like her DH she should just talk to you face to face.

For those defending L, I don’t think she’s any better. There’s obviously a reason why C feels so comfortable slagging a mutual friend off to her (clearly not for the first time). ‘Doing her usual’ suggests they’ve got ‘in’ jokes about you

L is not innocent here. She has not been dragged in, she appears to have been the one asking about OP. Read what OP wrote about the text she received. It is clearly an answer to a question about someone. C has said it was meant for L, showing that the question came from L. L is just as involved as C.

At 4pm I received a text from C which read "Doing her usual, all over XXXXX (her husband's name) and doing that stupid fucking laugh of hers" with a couple of angry emoticons.

Thing is....are you perhaps someone who behaves differently around men but might not be aware of it?

I know perfectly nice women who DO change around men...their voices go higher and they low-key flirt but if you mention it they're like because the behaviour is learned over many years of accidentally taking in societal expectations.

I think you should go with something like what Phoenix suggests, but face to face not by text/SM.

Second choice: Abagisforlifenotjustfor's magnificently PA suggestion I don't think I'd be able to hod my nerve for that one, but it would be good.

It is clearly an answer to a question about someone. I don't agree with that reading at all. You can absolutely start a text with 'Doing her usual' without having been asked a question.

@Abagisforlifenotjustfor response is perfect.

I'm sorry your so called friends are shitty OP it must sting a bit but do shrug it off, their issues not yours.

If you really value the friendship then I would meet for coffee and say something to diffuse the situation and try to get to the bottom of it. People bitch and say mean things from time to time, they obviously have a bee in their bonnet but they obviously care too or else they wouldn't be bothered that you had seen the text.
People are too quick to write people off on this site

I would be devastated but I think if you brush it off and distance yourself the friendship is over anyway and that could mean with the whole group as if there is a falling out it makes things so awkward for the others it happens whether it is intentional or not

This would be easier if you were Scottish. The response of 'Was it, aye?' would speak a thousand words