How should I reply to this text?

[JaysusWept]

Namechanged as I've told my work colleague already about this and I know she lurks on here. (She was absolutely no help - she's probably still laughing about it...)

Background is that I've been single for a couple of years after discovering he was cheating. I have an 8 year old DD.
I am friends with a small group who I have known for a few years - met through kids at nursery/starting school, etc. We do playdates, dinners, drinks out, whatsapp group which is used constantly, helping each other out, etc. We are close and I value all of their friendships.
For the past few weeks I have felt that one of the group, who I shall refer to as C, has been a bit 'off' with me. Nothing I can really put my finger on - I don't always do the drop off and pick ups at school for my DD, but when I have and I've seen C she hasn't chatted with me like she usually would, and 2 weeks ago 4 of us went out for drinks and I felt that there was a bit of an atmosphere when I was talking to her, although she was polite enough. There are people that I am closer to in the group but C and I have always been very friendly and have done many things with just the 2 of us.

Yesterday, I picked up my DD from school and C's husband was there to pick up their DD. The 4 of us walked back together and we stopped outside C's house to finish our chat briefly, before I carried on up the street. C came to the door but didn't come over although she did wave.

At 4pm I received a text from C which read "Doing her usual, all over XXXXX (her husband's name) and doing that stupid fucking laugh of hers" with a couple of angry emoticons.
I replied back "?" and she immediately sent back "Ooops, sorry! That was meant for L (mutual friend in group, but who is very close to C), talking about someone at work! Sorry, just delete!"
I didn't reply to that and almost straight after I received a text from L asking if I was up for a night out next weekend.

C was talking about me, wasn't she? L also wouldn't usually text me about a night out as it would be sent through the whatsapp chat.
I didn't do the drop off this morning, but C has text me (not in whatsapp group) to ask if I fancy going over to hers tomorrow after school with DD.
I'm not sure how best to respond.
Am I being paranoid in thinking that text was about me?

For the record, I don't know C's husband particularly well. I've chatted with him at group things we've attended and a few times we've walked home together if we've done school pick ups as I've got to pass their house on my way home. I am not attracted to him, and nothing untoward has ever happened or would happen, although I may very well have a stupid fucking laugh!

Any advice? I actually feel really fucking weirded out by this.

These women definitely aren’t your friends- I’d do what Elspeth suggests.

I think I'm just going to reply to C's invitation with "Sorry, can't do tomorrow. Maybe some other time."

Drop the "Sorry" though - never be sorry.

@ElspethFlashman gives good advice

OMG Elspeth you are my HERO! You have got these mean girls dynamics down to a tee. Perfect. 100% correct that this is who they are and it can only escalate if you rattle their ego.
Think also known as Grey Rock and LC.

L might have been defending you. And having heard you were accidentally sent that text she is being in more contact than usual hoping to make you feel loved?

But yes the text was definitely about you. I don't think ignoring that is being the better person. I'd tell C I think that text was about me given the timing and I have no interest in your husband whatsoever, do me the fucking courtesy of talking to me directly.

You cannot trust either of them, they're as bad as each other. They've talked about you before, c has bitched about you before. This text was clearly a reply to a question l asked. Call them out on it and avoid them. Life is too short to waste time on fake energy parasites like that.

I might reply something along the lines of "at least I know why you have been off with me for the last few weeks, for the record, I don't like xxxxx (her DH name) as anything else but a friend, I wish you had just been honest with me and I could of reassured you ages ago, in future if you have a problem with me, please come directly to me, we are all adults and not a bunch of teens playing nasty girls"

This is perfect. But say it to her face. Hope you're ok.

I'm actually really upset about this.
I hate thinking that 2 people I consider friends have been bitching about me, and think I'm the type of person who would try it on with a friend's husband! (Or with anyone's husband!) And I'm worried how this is going to impact on our friendship group. This is the only friendship group I have.

I've text C to say that I can't make tomorrow. I really can't be doing with any bitchiness.

Send a message to L and say about the message ask whether L thinks C thinks you fancy her husband based on 'accidental' text......then say something like "I really hope not because i don't find him remotely attractive and he is definitely not my type"......L will probably pass that on to C and i bet £10 C will be pi**ed because you said you don't find her DH attractive!

Cross posted with loads of you, sorry!
I'm trying to MN and work at the same time.

My work colleague keeps singing Cliff Richard's "Devil Woman" to me She thinks it's hilarious that I'm being cast as some sort of scarlet lady!

If I values the friendship group as a whole I would go round to her house (forgotten what letter we're on)
I'd explain that she's got the wrong end of the stick, you value(d) her and her husbands friendships and have no interest in him other than as a person to walk home with etc.
I'd also say them texting about you is hurtful and unnecessary.

All depends if you want it to continue but you'll have to accept that these two aren't really friends and back off from them.

Oh she clearly got L to text you to suss you out and yeah most definitely about you. I wouldn't say anything at all to her, just start to distance yourself from both her and L

Do everything that elspeth said—- and don’t justify, acknowledge or talk about it.

Do not respond to either of them, and I would find new friends. Also do not engage in any conversation which begins with you allowing C the room to 'explain' the text message. You know by both their reactions that the text was about you. Cut these idiots out of your life. They sound like a pair of deluded twats. Rise above this crap OP.

Now you know what they are like, see it as a blessing and move on rapidly. This is not the first or last time they have spoken about you behind your back.

Be unavailable to both indefinitely. No good can come from this. They are absolutely not your friends, and sound as jealous as hell. Dignified wide berth op.

They're not your friends, either of them. They've been talking about you behind your back, clearly for some time. Then the gaslighting - leaving you feeling uncomfortable and paranoid.

Do you really want to waste any more of your time with someone who thinks you have a "stupid fucking laugh"??

Send the text, and then ignore them both. You sound a strong, happy person, you don't need such pathetic people and such negativity in your life.

Agree 100% with Elspeth.

Spot on.

Oh OP, that must have stung. I’m sorry but it was definitely about you and they are now covering their arse.

C is clearly insecure about her husband and I am so sorry that you have got caught in that cross fire, but don’t let them freeze you out of the group or isolate you. Brush them off and hold your head up high, this says more about them than you

‘doing her usual’...hmmm obviously they have both been bitching about you before. I’d re-evaluate my friendships, you deserve better than that childish crap.

Actually, I’d cut her some slack on this. I’ve seen dozens of posts on here from OPs saying that they’ve noticed other women around their OHs doing little more than the stuff you’ve said you do (school pickups together, the odd text message, giving the impression of enjoying his company in public) - and at least half the responses are always in agreement that she’s “trying to get her hands on your man” and to “nip this in the bud”.

I don’t agree with it, I think the majority of the time it’s, as in your case, absolutely benign. But I think if C had posted on MN she may well have been given the advice to feel exactly as she clearly does.

If you genuinely value her friendship and she’s been a good friend until now, I’d respond today that you feel like she’s referring to you and certainly don’t have any feelings for her OH and could the two of you meet to talk about this.

I'm with Elspeth.
If the text had been 'I think X is flirting with my husband' I would have replied saying you absolutely aren't and you wish she'd felt comfortable speaking to you about it.
But the wording of the text is plain bitchy and reveals that they've talked negatively about you behind your back before.
I understand the value of this group to you...but now at least, C and L are not your friends.
The only way to possibly salvage the group as a whole, and ensure that if anyone has to feel awkward it's not you, is to behave as Elspeth suggests.

Just to say, the only time I have been around C's husband is during friendship group events - so at C's home, or BBQ's, or nights out where other partner's were present. We have walked home together occasionally from school but with our DD's present.
We've never text one another - we don't have each other's phone numbers and I don't have him on FB or Twitter, which is the only 2 modes of social media I use.

Don’t ever put anything on text. It will be shared around the group and dissected ad nauseam looking for “tone” in every semi colon - weaponised and ammunition as PPs have said.

There are others in the group who are your real friends. Clearly you have out grown these two characters.

Tell your colleague to fuck off - I hate people
who minimise bullying and tease the victim.

For what it's worth, if this happened to me, I would be DEVASTATED.

We all act a bit Cool Girl here on MN but I would be a paranoid weepy wreck if I found out my only friendship group was bitching about me.

I suppose the other side of the coin to Operation Indifference 2019 is to try to strengthen relationships with K, M and D.

Text one of them today and invite them for something. You haven't lost all of them, don't be too downhearted. Generally it isn't a free for all bitchathon, C has obviously chosen L as her confidante and the others may be oblivious.

(Don't fall into the trap of confiding in them about this though, they will blab and all your efforts at studied indifference will be blown open for the sham it is.)

Jay You don't need to justify yourself to us! We are on your side. Elspbeth was spot on.

Find yourself a new group of friends, do not be hurt by this. They almost certainly treat everyone like this. Don't take it personally. The are mean girls, not friends.