How should I reply to this text?

[JaysusWept]

Namechanged as I've told my work colleague already about this and I know she lurks on here. (She was absolutely no help - she's probably still laughing about it...)

Background is that I've been single for a couple of years after discovering he was cheating. I have an 8 year old DD.
I am friends with a small group who I have known for a few years - met through kids at nursery/starting school, etc. We do playdates, dinners, drinks out, whatsapp group which is used constantly, helping each other out, etc. We are close and I value all of their friendships.
For the past few weeks I have felt that one of the group, who I shall refer to as C, has been a bit 'off' with me. Nothing I can really put my finger on - I don't always do the drop off and pick ups at school for my DD, but when I have and I've seen C she hasn't chatted with me like she usually would, and 2 weeks ago 4 of us went out for drinks and I felt that there was a bit of an atmosphere when I was talking to her, although she was polite enough. There are people that I am closer to in the group but C and I have always been very friendly and have done many things with just the 2 of us.

Yesterday, I picked up my DD from school and C's husband was there to pick up their DD. The 4 of us walked back together and we stopped outside C's house to finish our chat briefly, before I carried on up the street. C came to the door but didn't come over although she did wave.

At 4pm I received a text from C which read "Doing her usual, all over XXXXX (her husband's name) and doing that stupid fucking laugh of hers" with a couple of angry emoticons.
I replied back "?" and she immediately sent back "Ooops, sorry! That was meant for L (mutual friend in group, but who is very close to C), talking about someone at work! Sorry, just delete!"
I didn't reply to that and almost straight after I received a text from L asking if I was up for a night out next weekend.

C was talking about me, wasn't she? L also wouldn't usually text me about a night out as it would be sent through the whatsapp chat.
I didn't do the drop off this morning, but C has text me (not in whatsapp group) to ask if I fancy going over to hers tomorrow after school with DD.
I'm not sure how best to respond.
Am I being paranoid in thinking that text was about me?

For the record, I don't know C's husband particularly well. I've chatted with him at group things we've attended and a few times we've walked home together if we've done school pick ups as I've got to pass their house on my way home. I am not attracted to him, and nothing untoward has ever happened or would happen, although I may very well have a stupid fucking laugh!

Any advice? I actually feel really fucking weirded out by this.

I am Scottish!
I should just text her that her da sells Avon.

Also agree with @ElspethFlashman

Just back right off from C and L; they're a pair of bitches.

Concentrate on your friendships with the others in the group and try and expand your friendship group?

Darling Nikita that would only make sense if the previous message had defined who 'her' was. Otherwise the recipient (like the OP) has no clue who is being talked about. L has to know who is being discussed here.

I don't think that I do behave differently around men. I'm sure everyone would say this, but I've never been flirty - not even with men I did fancy! And I do not find her husband attractive at all.

The response of 'Was it, aye?' would speak a thousand words

I should just text her that her da sells Avon.

I used to live in Glasgow. I miss it sometimes.

Spinnaret, not necessarily at all. It sounds like this is not the first time they've been bitchy to each other about the OP. I'd wager she's reached the exalted position of having such notoriety to the two of them that they no longer have to use her name when they send each other nasty comments about her.

I feel so sorry form you OP. I am very much a ppl pleaser and would be very distraught of ppl were thinking of me badly ( even if I didnt know them).
I have to agree with others, it seems that these two have been speaking about you behind your back and this wont be the first time either. I think it maybe wise to step back from the group, but I would be honest about why to the others and maybe to C and L too. Sorry but I think you may need to look for other more worthwhile friends.
Can I ask what would you like to happen? Is there anyway they can make up for their behaviour or will time calm the waters? Do you think you will ever be able to normal with them or will you always be watching what you do or act or laugh?

I'd be super tempted to reply to text C with
"As shes out at the weekend shall we meet up?"
then as soon as she replies say its about someone at work

2 can play that game

Shower of cunts, fuck them off.
I hate this mindset that because you’re single you’ll want to jump their manky husband 🙄🙄

Lol, then you know! a raised eyebrow always helps.

Great so called friends that get up to this sort of thing behind your back . Personally I wouldn't text to clarify anything as it's clear to anyone with half a brain that they were talking about you . Hurtful as it is a lot of insecure women in relationships will disrespect or blank a newly single friend . It's pathetic.

Get some nicer friends x

My mature advice is to ignore it all and step back from the friendships, with C and L, C’s paranoid and L just wants the gossip/ likely to report back.

My immature advice is to accidentally text C back “😂😂😂 the stupid cow thinks I fancy her ogre of a DH” followed up with swift, “oops, sorry, meant for my friend from work, must do coffee soon xxxx”

I agree with Elspeth's advice. Be aware that others may ask you if you've fallen out with C (because C will probably winge to them that you're being funny with her even if you're politely cool), so have a standard "oh gosh no, I've just loads on.." at the ready. Treat her exactly as she's been treating you lately - polite but distant. I actually think that the changing every conversation to Boris Jonson is hilarious! Can you imagine the conversations behind your back then "it's all she bloody talks about!"

What a shame for you, but keep your cool and your dignity- this often happens in groups of friends. It will calm down. Concentrate on the others.

I wouldn't ignore this.

I would send the scene shot of the text on the group chat with all four members.

I would say something along the lines of "if you believe me walking home with our kids is classed as being all over your husband, your sex life must be dire!"

Then I would say that it's really upset you that they have been talking about you, and that they even think that of you. Just because your single does not mean your desperate and willing to ruin what you thought was a lovely friendship over someone.

Then state you're not attracted to him, have not and will never be "all over him" and you'd appreciate if your friends would not talk about you behind your back.

Maybe it isn't about you but her husband. She has maybe noticed that he treats you differently. My ex used to fancy a friend of mine. She treated him like she treats everyone so I wasnt paranoid about her but I could definitely tell that he made an effort with her in many ways that he didn't with my other friends.

You're in a difficult situation because you value this friendship group but if the others behave the same way towards you as they always have then it may only be C and L who are the problem.

I would either message or speak to C and tell her how hurt you are that she would think that you were flirting with her husband. I'd tell her that you're not remotely attracted to him but even if you were,you would never do that to a friend, especially since you've been through this yourself. I think being honest is the only thing you can be. The issue obviously lies with her and her relationship.

Can you speak to one of the other whatsapp members and tell them you are feeling hurt or, does the bitchiness not stop at C & L?

I used to be part of a large group of girls. Similar situation with a whatsapp group and some members who were closer than others. Everyone would slag off everyone behind each others backs and there was regular fall outs. Eventually, I learned to be a bit more cut throat and distanced myself from the group and cut ties with some members all together. I realised that it was important for my mental health as, I would obsess over little comments and it would really hurt me if I thought someone didn't like me.

I'm still part of the group message (the members I don't speak to at all are no longer part of it) but, I'm not very active. I keep in touch and we arrange odd nights out etc but, it's become a lot less important to me.

I think you maybe should do the same. These girls (C&L at least) don't sound like very nice people and maybe distancing yourself from them will do you some good.

If it were me, I wouldn't reply to either message and the friendships would be over. However, like I say I am quite cut throat now! If you don't want to lose their friendships, I would agree to the invite and speak to them in person. Ask them what the issue is and tell them your feelings are hurt.

Good luck OP x

have been in a similar but worse situation before and trying to avoid or not engage with them doesn’t work as they’ll just see that as you have removed yourself from them as you have something to hide and after the text you’ve realised how obvious you’ve made it.

It doesn't matter in the least what they think. 'C' already thinks Jay is flirting with husband, but the fact that she believes this doesn't make it the case. And disengaging with them actually does work very effectively. Most people, when finding themselves arguing with silence and complete indifference, will either get bored or have the sense to stop. If they don't, it's only themselves who'll look unhinged.

What other people think of you is none of your business.

How often do you even spend time with her husband?

Does he single you out if you are all together?

I doubt very much they will admit the text was about you. They've decided on their defence and in my experience people like this just brazen it out.

Be polite and cool with C&L. Friendly with everyone else and start looking around for other people to be friends with as C&L are a toxic pair.

Thanks so much for all of your replies - I've only scanned through them briefly but will read them properly once I'm finished work.

I've had another text from C (again, not through Whatsapp) asking if I'm OK

Just ignore it. Keep your friends. Know these two can be dicks butare probablynice in other ways. Don’t engage in plans and wittycome backs. Be yourself, you did nothing wrong.

I really don't think her husband does single me out or is anything other than politely friendly to me, as he is with the rest of the group.

C has never seemed jealous of his interactions with other females. In fact, she's always telling us how happy they are, things he's done for her etc. They've very much seemed like a perfect, happy couple!

You've obviously really taken this to heart so I don't suggest ignoring everyone as you won't resolve anything... hope you're ok

I've had another text from C (again, not through Whatsapp) asking if I'm OK

Ignore for now; have a think and reply something dismissive after work if you really want to. Bet C and L are shitting themselves now.

I've had another text from C (again, not through Whatsapp) asking if I'm OK

Yep, they're shitting it And not hiding it very well. They're not exactly Olympic-standard bitcherers, are they? I think the average 15-year-old could do better. Let them stew for a bit.